Red, meet Mr. Vodka Martini. Mr. Vodka Martini, meet Red. You two get acquainted.

15mL of olive juice and it's a Dirty Vodka Martini.

Life is good. Carb intake is low. Losing weight. Getting wasted.

Make that three ounces of vodka to one part dry vermouth...

Oh sh*t. I didn't need to know this. 3.8 grams of carbs per 5 oz glass of red wine. I like red wine the way Brent Kavanaugh likes beer. So this is not welcome news on my keto diet, where you keep carb intake to a minimum. I usually enjoy a couple of bottles of cheap cab each evening. So that's like ...

A little butter on the toast. Bonus points for cooking the eggs in bacon grease.

My New Year's resolution was to drink more in 2018. So far, so good. Fortunately I can general return to baseline by the time I'm ready to start drinking again. I'm wondering why more wine isn't sold in larger containers, however.

It's all random. Apparently humans developed large brains to act as radiators.

That led to the invention of hats, sunglasses and air conditioning. All good things.

Soft eggs, bacon, toast, eaten s-l-o-w-l-y. The toast should not crunch less the sound makes your head throb.

>Shirley Temple Rape Kit

Snort.

Opening that fourth bottle is just not a good idea, you know?

If turning it off and then turning it back on again doesn't fix it, clear the cache.

While I do not care for pills, and urge everyone to avoid what the Brits call "death by misadventure", when I had all four wisdom teeth removed in my mid-20s (a hammer and chisel were involved; the word "impacted" was heard prior to going under), by the third day I was prepared to resume my then-whi...

My offspring (of legal drinking age by now) is out doing his Christmas shopping. On the 23rd of December. I cautioned him. He was insistent. He had a bottle of Maker's taking up space in the pantry, so I finished that off (and replaced the bottle). Profound hangover. Out of practice with brown liquo...

Put on some schmaltzy Christmas music (do a web search for "Lit Up Like a Christmas Tree") and have at it. Ho ho hum. No other holiday calls for alcohol quite like the Christmas season.

Water out of a gallon jug near my bed so I won't be totally wiped out in the morning. Enjoy nightmare, wake, drink water, pee, back to bed for the next nightmare. OK, "Interesting Dream" sounds better.