Drunkard Rumble

[oettinger]

Allright here we are in the astro-super-dome on clanking island. We are loaded and the crowd is awaiting the first annual royal drink rumble.

Good evening folks, commenting through this messi pit is no other than:
Balding "carwreck" Douglas and Dick "dumpster" McDonald

While the first people in attendance are passing out lets take a quick look at the rules Dick!
This is a barbrawl match, so there are no rules. But:

Every board member is free to join in! And commend
This is a death match, spill a drink and you are done
This is fun, so please leave the children and sodas out
We will see what happens within this match, a total draw is possible
New warriors that have been left out might be added during the match by anyone
All rights reserved @drunk like shit


And here are our contestants:

Palinka, the "One punch drunk" this guy is build like a bar, don`t look in his eyes or you immediately feel a dizziyng poke in your brain

Booznik, the "Bardozer"- a man that causes anguish and frustration in a liquor store owner`s minds. By fans called the "king of the empty bottle" he has enough broken glass powder to throw at his enemies

Badfellow, the "quizmaster of drink" he will trick you in one direction while drinking and smoking your stuff for hours. You loose, BF wins. Try again idiot! He even put your life policy into his pipe.

Mistah Willies, the "pirate from Kraken Island", the crown submitted a 1000 rum barrel bounty on him. He did not loose an eye, he is aiming at your drink stupid!

Savage, the "sweet lady of afterhour imbibing". There is no rest facing her, ask once and be prepared to be bourbon struck twice, with chocoltate topping fool!

Lush City, the "tiki song drunk", made his way through kalahari desert just to drink your drink in the front of your eyes

Mr. Viking, the "dynamite drunk", a massive force on the drinking front this brute will punish you with his special brown-drink-stomach-kick

Patchez, the "bearded monster", his pure sight makes chuck norris cry! All night!

NY Dingbat, the "patriotic madame", her beliefs are almost as strong as her drinks

Bur, the "hit my liver hard man". Ever wondered why there`s blood on your world`s map? It`s from this drunken maniac pouring down from the far north, no go home pussy, he will eat you

Smatter Noguts, dressed as a clown the "bad jokes boozedog" is so funny that even stalin and hitler had to smile before he drunk them under the table

Thirsty Drunk, the "1% human the other half drunk", with a vengeance. He will empty your drinks and post it on youtube. Your done fella

Screwball, the "hotter then texas keg" you will never know what actually hit you when facing this juggernaut. You pay the bar tap aswell

Judge, the "master of bar disaster" now mississippi is his playground, watch out southeners, fill up yor barrels quick or you are in for disaster

JimLahey, the "on sundays I drink trice" menace. Don`t let you fool yourselfes, the only thing balding is the ice in his strong drink

Dear Booze, the "butcher from Vegas" when he shows up you are in deep trouble my dear friend. Take that last sip of warm beer and never ever show up in southern cali again

[Mr. Viking]

watch out, I'm that angry man in the corner

[booznik]

And here are our contestants:

Your post just made me laugh so hard, I needed a full glass of wine to stop the chuckles...

[oettinger]

And the first action is taking place: Badfellow, is offering everyone a beer, and noooo look at that Dick, it`s a boiler maker!
Sneaky sneaky bastard. That`s why he is a fan favorite!

Yes Balding, too bad that he did not notice that Thirsty is actually enjoying this and even goes a step futher:
Hes is emptying BFs hooch supply on the spot! BF defintely looks confused, but that Screwball guy is quick to his side and HAMMERS a barstool over poor thisrtys head. Man what a start to this fight!

Watch out Dick, the Bur character thinks it`s his blood again and prepares to go on a rampage. While hauling off, he knocks over Willies rum, which gets booznik really animated, tell you these chasists boys are not a very nice bunch!
And while these four are into it, Lady S. is cake-walking to the pirate`s bar and teams up with Patchez to tell Noguts that it is funny to drink his stuff!!!!

What is going on, this has become an all time classic quickly.

Noguts, joking back points at Dingbat and it`s too late for them, she struck them with a republican poolqueue right around their necks. outch...

Viking and Palinka seem to team up, but all of a sudden Judge interfers and shouts out loud that he had the first drink! Whatever that might mean, Balding.

Yes strange but not uncommon for him Dick, but that move got Lahey`s attention, he quickly grabs three empty bottles and baaaang, all his prey. Not so quick BF screams out of the other corner as the fight is gaining up heat...

[Mr. Viking]

Your post just made me laugh so hard, I needed a full glass of wine to stop the chuckles...

well who are you, MacFuck?

[oettinger]

And what is that Balding? Is that DearBooze coming from the rafters?
Yes Dick indeed, he looks like a man possessed. He has alcohol in his eyes! The pure smell of fear and neat drinks from reno is entering this building.
He is directly approaching the chasists guys with a "not so fast suckers" look in his eyes. An in one deep smelly breath he is knocking down the two women in this contest.

Is this even legal Balding?

I really don`t know, Dick, but Palinka and Thirsty got themselfes into a stronghold over a half empty pint of thunderbird, boy the havoc!

[oettinger]

Lush city is soaking up leftovers with style again.

Yes that`s his game, and now this, he is tipping Screwball on one shoulder and taking his drink on the other. That doesn`t sit very well with Tree of course and he is conducting with Lahey and Bur how to spit in Lush`s drink the worst way mankind ever imagined!

Stay tuned Dick,

Commercials, Buy beer

[booznik]

In comes booznik with a colossal 33 gallon trash bag of empties, and now they take flight!

SMASH!

SMASH!

SMASH!

Everyone ducks as the glass flies everywhere!

Palinka's angelic aura prevents any damage, while NYD is spotted gearing up for the battle royale.



Meanwhile, Bur is loading his Akvaviitti cannon... everyone better be wearing their body armor, or you're going down...

Oettinger thinks he's safe in his announcer's box, but suddenly a booznik empty hits him straight in the head! SMASH!

He looks stunned but still in the game...

[oettinger]

Take note kids the last place to be in a drunkard rumble: the announcers table and the faucet!

Still shaken up Balding and Dick are helped up by Judge only to be punched in the groins and be ripped of their flasks as Judge empties them in one big gulp. Tequila and rum fit his tongue.
Noguts and Lush take exception in this but quickly haul a big ass barrel on his head that knocks him out a sure 30 seconds. Enough time to feast on his bourbon. But no smiling Lady S says that was mine, taking care of both with a huge pipe wrench.

There is a lot of blood now Balding, so where is Bur?... stay tuned

[oettinger]

And there comes flying in Palinka using passed out Bur as his battering ram to the bar. Being stopped only by BF. These two giants meeting this close to a bar can only mean apocalyptic ending.
But no Dick, Bur wasn`t passed out afterall, he patiently waited for the two to order doubles and then smacks their souzing heads together, drinking it all and ordering another double, twice!

Yeah Balding, he got that winner feeling going right now but from the far right Dingbat is taking steam on and from the top shelf DearBooze is preparing his go to move the "roundhouse everyone gets a drink but you" flying keg.
Meanwhile Viking and Patchez are not grabbing chairs, but the whole banking to throw at our unbeknownst warriors.

Commercial break Dick, Get loaded

[booznik]

booznik is still throwing bottles everywhere, when suddenly, Lush stops them with his Matrix bullet trick!

Ok, you have some skill.

What the hell is Screwball doing during all this? It becomes obvious when a ValkyreBrunnhilde appears on the scene and sets everyone on fire, Valkyrie-style!

Everything BURNS!

[oettinger]

Good god what a bloody mess

Willies has last been seen closelining rum barrels on everyone. In all this chaos Thirsty is hiting a hissy fit!

Dick what about that, that guy is going to punish the whole place. And what is Lush doing? Nothing, instead his manager Petee the "beer-luster" Dropout has entered, he is a handle on his own. He is pissed!

The ropes are covered with guts, what shall we see next Balding?!

[mistah willies]

Holy

fucking

hell!


I can hear you telling this play by play action as well





Awesome

[oettinger]

And what is that? Lahey kicking that bum`s spare-money collection away to take his booze!

Balding we have entered second stage of watch out behindness in this contest.

Hope Lahey is enjoying his seconds of infamy though, Dick. Noguts and Dingbat are loading up to run down his fortress of empty beer cases. Lush and Palinka are going full tilt on ass first highballs.
Ladies and Gentlemen we got a fight!

[oettinger]

This is the ultimate outburst of violence, the chasist boys are in on a brutally liquid attack on DearBooze`s virgin bottle of gin.
Telling you Balding, we are witnessing the Doom of any moral that existed in drunk rumble.

And while saying this, Savage is performing a spine-opener on Peetie`s back-bottle of red wine!!!