Port and Stilton

[Palinka (RIP)]

If you really want to give yourself a treat, buy one wheel (a whole, mould-covered, uncut, round of the cheese) of Stilton and one or two very large bottles of Port.

First, take the whole top off the wheel of Stilton (try to do this as neatly as you can, using a very sharp knife). Using an apple-corer, make a lot of holes (not too close together and only 3/4 of the depth of the remaining cheese. Fill the hole with Port then return the top (or lid) of the cheese and cover the cheese with a large, weighted (use bulldog clips that you've *ahem* borrowed from work) cloth, kitchen towel. Clip these onto the edge of the cloth with a coin (a 1 Euro, 1£ or 2 Quarters) folded into the cloth and, therefore, into the jaws of the clip; so that the weighted cloth holds the top of the cheese firmly in place. Make sure that the cheese is on a large and deep plate; you may also find it useful to place a shallow, upside-down plate (one with a rim on the underside) on top of the cheese and add marbles to the "underside", the, aforementioned rim, should hold the marbles in place (if not, then use coins). Store the cheese if a cool but well ventilated area.
Check on the cheese at least weekly; making sure to top up the holes with Port. After 8-9 weeks stop topping up the cheese with Port (feel free to drink whatever of it is left in the bottles) and before your final top-up (brandy or calvados are lovely as the finale), add a fine dusting of freshly ground black pepper. After 10-12 weeks, your cheese should be ready. Take the weights off the cheese and remove the lid of the wheel of the Stilton. Inside the cheese should soft and easy to spread or dip.
Prepare a tray of crackers and items for dipping (carrot sticks, cucumber sticks, breadsticks etc.) (a tip - to avoid the horror and embarrassment of "double-dipping", provide eggcups that people can fill with your Port and Stilton).
Although it must be said, this is a dish that is best served with crackers and dips, by yourself (excepting maybe a good cigar) and a good book or an interesting radio show on the wireless (you can find quite a few great radio shows on YouTube - such as Orson Welles' The War of the Worlds).
Anyway, it's very easy to make and very, very tasty (and, as with most things that I mention, it can be used to stuff an olive for a great martini).
Practise this throughout the year and by this time next year, you'll be so expert at it that you'll be able to give them away as presents.
Please let me know your results and any improvements that you discover.
Enjoy!

[mistah willies]

My goodness, Palinka,

I have never heard of any of this. Instead of using a search engine to discover the origin of this scintillating recipe, I'll simply ask you this:

How have you come by such culinary expertise?

.

[Palinka (RIP)]

...How have you come by such culinary expertise?

My Grandmother used to make the Port and Stilton every year for Christmas. I always used to grab a chunk, some crackers, dips and stuff then head out to the conservatory (which used to be the smoking room) and either spark up a cigar (or a pipe) and then turn on the radio to listen to the christmas radio play. As she grew older and infirm, she used to get me to make it for her.

As for the other stuff. I used to be incapable and uninterested in cookery. However, when I moved to London, I had no idea how to cook and so I used to eat out at this Chinese restaurant that was near my studio apartment. In fact, I ate there so often (and usually so late) that the family that owned the restaurant started teaching me basic cooking (and the joys of rice wine) that I got quite into it. Add to that the fact that my brother is a fully trained chef, who helped by showing me a few tricks of the trade, and the fact that the World's Greatest Cook/Piss-Artiste, Mr Keith Floyd (please grab one of his books or DVDs (all of his DVDs had The Stranglers as background music, as they were his favourite band) before they go out of style for having, "Too Much Booze" - I strongly recommend Floyd on Fish; an excellent book that is as readable as any novel but with recipes and apologies for "being too drunk to remember the exact ingredients" - point out to me a current TV cook who would do that, let alone write about it?) had just launched his career of boozy cookery upon an unsuspecting World, something that had me hooked immediately, and that's how I gathered an interest in cooking quite quickly. Indeed, it wasn't too long before I started making my own recipes and bought a slow-cooker (something no household should be without - you can come home to a superb stew or a brilliant Bullshot everyday; that's EVERY FUCKING DAY, MAN!) Then, as I started moving about, I picked up cooking tips everywhere that I could; from Hungarian Cabbage Soup to learning how to make quick and filling curries to long and taste-filled curries from risotto to fast fried fish, made on the deck of a boat bobbing a mile or two off the coast.
As with most things, after a while, I started to specialise in drinking food (by which, I mean either food that goes well with booze or food made with booze (my bouillabaisse has been known to drop one or two people, due to its alcohol content).
I hope that this answers your questions.

[Dear Booze]

Mr. Palinka,

I am thoroughly impressed.

I've just recently started experimenting with the slow cooker. I agree that it's the best thing ever. Throw something in before leaving for work and come home to a wonderful meal and a house that smells like heaven.

Also, I've recently learned that you should NEVER use a pressure cooker while drunk... unless you enjoy eating your dinner off the ceiling.

[Palinka (RIP)]

Palinka, I am thoroughly impressed...

Thank you. I was worried that I was beginning to bore the shite out of everyone with my constant recipes for all and sundry (but not sun-dried tomatoes; they are just nasty)

..I've just recently started experimenting with the slow cooker. I agree that it's the best thing ever. Throw something in before leaving for work and come home to a wonderful meal and a house that smells like heaven...

They are fucking brilliant, aren't they? They newest ones will even turn themselves on and off, repeatedly, at specific times and/or constantly give your bubbling grub a bit of a stir, every now and then. Top fucking notch.

...Also, I've recently learned that you should NEVER use a pressure cooker while drunk... unless you enjoy eating your dinner off the ceiling.

So true. It goes right up there with, "Never try to use a deep fat fryer when one is trollied" (pished, caned, paralytic etc.)

Remind me to post my recipe for a piss-easy, 20 minutes (cooking and prep time), as alcoholic as you like bouillabaisse (which will always impress the ladies); the back of the fridge omelette: the one hour (cooking and prep time) curry that can be made whilst utterly hammered (as long as there is someone around to keep you awake); the brandied confit de canard; and my renowned lamb chops - which, after the prep, can also, with a good ale (I recommend Theakston's Old Peculiar) be made into a stew (one day prep and one hour cooking, either way) and they were good enough to keep "oettinger" from eating the toilet paper for a day and a half and even "Bur" almost managed his own bodyweight.
That is, of course, if you are still interested in such things.

[Dear Booze]

...Remind me to post my recipe for a piss-easy, 20 minutes (cooking and prep time), as alcoholic as you like bouillabaisse (which will always impress the ladies); the back of the fridge omelette: the one hour (cooking and prep time) curry that can be made whilst utterly hammered (as long as there is someone around to keep you awake); the brandied confit de canard; and my renowned lamb chops - which, after the prep, can also, with a good ale (I recommend Theakston's Old Peculiar) be made into a stew...

Please start with the lamb chops. My favorite thing.

[Palinka (RIP)]

Please start with the lamb chops. My favorite thing.

So, I shall. Give me a 12 hours (or so) to get my head together (remember that it is past 5am, here) and I will post the recipe.

[Casual Binger]

I'd like to hear about bouillabaisse. I Have no idea what it is. Oh wait, i just looked it up. Maybe not. Do you have a consomme recipe? I'd like to try a bloody bull sometime but am loath to go with supermarket stock.

Do you do any foods based on cocktails? I once saw on My Kitchen Rules a bloody mary deconstructed & served as a frozen dessert. Looked pretty good.

[rivuxgamma]

Oh
My
Timecop

That sounds amazing. I'd gladly eat it, pass out with it in my hand, then eat it again.

[oettinger]

...Remind me to post my recipe for a piss-easy, 20 minutes (cooking and prep time), as alcoholic as you like bouillabaisse (which will always impress the ladies); the back of the fridge omelette: the one hour (cooking and prep time) curry that can be made whilst utterly hammered (as long as there is someone around to keep you awake); the brandied confit de canard; and my renowned lamb chops - which, after the prep, can also, with a good ale (I recommend Theakston's Old Peculiar) be made into a stew...

Please start with the lamb chops. My favorite thing.

They rock!
You cooked em for me didn`t you P.?

[Mr. Viking]

My dad tried to recreate this by pouring port over stilton at the table. Not quite the same effect

[Palinka (RIP)]

They rock!
You cooked em for me didn`t you P.?

And (to a lesser extent) for Bur. You both seemed to like them, though.

[Bur]

They rock!
You cooked em for me didn`t you P.?

And (to a lesser extent) for Bur. You both seemed to like them, though.

Quite so.

Most of my cooking expertise/interest are generally towards how to making trekking food options to be of reasonable price and most hopefully still edible edible (all though everything tastes way better when you've just spent last 6 hours walking with a 25-30 kg backpack in middle of butt-fuck-nowheria).

However now and then shows like Hannibal inspire me to try something time consuming and finer for the lulz (especially happens during early Saturday drunkening).

Most of the time though my stuff is like miniature version of Epic Meal Time stuff.

I wish it was summer again, my upstairs neighbors take most harshly to Grilling activities in the balcony.

[oettinger]

I wish it was summer again, my upstairs neighbors take most harshly to Grilling activities in the balcony.

Ha! Very funny!
Next time just burn some styrofoam and say it`s the strange new bbc igniting devise you are using

[Bur]

I wish it was summer again, my upstairs neighbors take most harshly to Grilling activities in the balcony.

Ha! Very funny!
Next time just burn some styrofoam and say it`s the strange new bbc igniting devise you are using

Least in Finland we have this "one use" things for grilling, many a picnic have been improved with them.

By picnic I mean drinking next to the river half naked in middle of the week in somewhat warm day in summer/spring.