Am I an Alcoholic?

A forum to post your thoughts about the art and beauty of getting loaded.

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WhiskeyReb
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Am I an Alcoholic?

Post by WhiskeyReb » Wed Oct 07, 2015 10:45 pm

So for the heck of it I just took one of those online tests to see if I have a problem with drinking. (I don't....I feel that I drink just fine) Anyhoooo, out of 24 questions I answered yes on seven...SEVEN....out of 24. (yes on this test means you've crossed the line...no means you're a teetotaler).

I read the results and the good old National Council on addiction and whatever says if you answered yes on TWO of them, you need to seek professional counseling for your burgeoning problem. Now, on most test answering yes on 7 out of 24 means you flunked with flying colors. But, according to these folks, the fact that I like to drink when I'm the hell alone (Question: do you ever avoid family when drinking?), or the fact that I can handle more liquor than I used to (another question was basically does it take less to get you wasted than it used to, so damned if you do, damned if you don't), or that my uncle who died a few decades ago was a drunk, and that I've sometimes felt guilty about drinking (just a little, but not for long)....that qualifies me for needing professional help.

I will confess to sort of a blackout episode one time last year when I went too heavy on Barcadi Superior and woke up the next day not remembering going to bed and a few minutes later having a vague memory that led me to ponder "did I puke last night?" Guess I need 30 days of in-house treatment for that one.

I like to drink. In fact, I'm drinking as I pen this missive, and downright enjoying it. Seriously, I'm not too worked up about an online test that says I'm teetering on the edge of drinking oblivion when in reality I enjoy a couple of drinks before bedtime. (migraines prevent me from total drunken stupor, much to my dissatisfaction) So, to all these addiction professionals, I say to you "allow me to raise my glass, while you kiss my ass."

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Frankennietzsche
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Re: Am I an Alcoholic?

Post by Frankennietzsche » Thu Oct 08, 2015 12:57 am

Alcoholics go to meetings.
“Süßen witwe Mutter-Hosen — kommst du hier mit mein knackenpfeife schnell, oder Ich zeige Ihnen mein Zuhälter Hand!”

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Tarcek
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Re: Am I an Alcoholic?

Post by Tarcek » Fri Oct 09, 2015 7:40 am

Even if you were an alcohol 'addict', who the fuck cares? This stigma against 'addiciton' is stupid/ If it makes you feel good its probably good for *you*. Enjoy!

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oettinger
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Re: Am I an Alcoholic?

Post by oettinger » Fri Oct 09, 2015 8:22 am

If I was any good at programming I would love to load up my own page "Am-I-lame-at-partys.net", funded by the "International national fuck up center for loaded studies with a drink or two in hand".
If you don`t answer all 24 questions with "yes" the answer always will be: Yes you are lame. You are not drunk enough, drink more and come back later for better results
I do not remember posting that ^^^
Image

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Tarcek
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Re: Am I an Alcoholic?

Post by Tarcek » Sat Oct 10, 2015 5:16 am

oettinger wrote:If I was any good at programming I would love to load up my own page "Am-I-lame-at-partys.net", funded by the "International national fuck up center for loaded studies with a drink or two in hand".
If you don`t answer all 24 questions with "yes" the answer always will be: Yes you are lame. You are not drunk enough, drink more and come back later for better results
If you just wanna do it for fun, try 'weebly'. If its still around (havent used it in like 5 years) it lets you make free websites, then you can just link it to people for fun. No programmy stuffies required, its all drag and drop :)

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mistah willies
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Re: Am I an Alcoholic?

Post by mistah willies » Sat Oct 10, 2015 4:00 pm

You know,

if you have to ask,

then you need to step your game to make absolutely certain.

it's a fucking badge of honor my friend.

in fucking deed.

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WhiskeyReb
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Re: Am I an Alcoholic?

Post by WhiskeyReb » Sun Oct 11, 2015 10:54 pm

Thank you all for your well-informed and thought out responses. You have inspired me. Obviously, I don't drink enough !! I must simply drink more, and drink more often just to make sure I'm drunk enough, often enough.

I would postulate more here, but I need to go pour myself a drink :)

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Re: Am I an Alcoholic?

Post by oldsmartskunk » Mon Oct 12, 2015 2:16 am

You drink and you enjoy it. That makes you cool fella. Nee any more explanations?

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mistah willies
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Re: Am I an Alcoholic?

Post by mistah willies » Mon Oct 12, 2015 5:23 pm

WhiskeyReb wrote:Thank you all for your well-informed and thought out responses. You have inspired me. Obviously, I don't drink enough !! I must simply drink more, and drink more often just to make sure I'm drunk enough, often enough.

I would postulate more here, but I need to go pour myself a drink :)

There ya go and well met, young sailor. Off to the stars on this giant boat, sails full blast.

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Re: Am I an Alcoholic?

Post by Shylock Foshodo » Tue Oct 13, 2015 3:34 pm

I thought I had a drinking problem once. I had over-drafted my bank account, and I was down to my last 20 dollars. Thank God that Evan Williams is cheap! I would have had to spend that money on food or some shit. After the Evan Williams, my problem was solved, and my check went through at 2:00 AM. Never had a drinking problem since...
“The pound of flesh which I demand of him
Is dearly bought; 'tis mine, and I will have it.”

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Patchez
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Re: Am I an Alcoholic?

Post by Patchez » Wed Oct 14, 2015 9:09 am

This kind of shit is just the tip of the addiction money making machine. They tell everyone who has had more than two drinks in their entire life they "need" help. The sheep brained herd followers cave and feed money into the machine to get "fixed". Some people are even forced into the machine by court ordered participation. What the fuck ever happened to "the pursuit of Happiness"?


If you're happy and you know it have a drink!*





* you sang that last line, admit it.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

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Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice

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Shylock Foshodo
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Re: Am I an Alcoholic?

Post by Shylock Foshodo » Wed Oct 14, 2015 3:19 pm

Either that or they feed you a pill for life... That's the real con.
“The pound of flesh which I demand of him
Is dearly bought; 'tis mine, and I will have it.”

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AntonArkydivich
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Re: Am I an Alcoholic?

Post by AntonArkydivich » Sun Oct 18, 2015 5:26 am

mistah willies wrote:You know,

if you have to ask,

then you need to step your game to make absolutely certain.

it's a fucking badge of honor my friend.

in fucking deed.
Sir Willies,

What the hell are you like in real life? Your posts are always like some famous quotation you would find in a hipster bookstore, where everyone respects it but no one actually understands where it's coming from, but they like to pretend they do--all those once-removed yuppies who followed Bukowski, Kerouac, or the Good Doctor Thompson.

To be a clear, this is a praise of your prose, and a shot to everyone who thought On the Road was only about drinking your way across the country and fucking your friend's wife. But still, I like, and am pleasantly confused, by your style.
Making my own city lights out of bourbon and the stars of a barroom fight.
- Josh Ritter

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mistah willies
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Re: Am I an Alcoholic?

Post by mistah willies » Mon Oct 19, 2015 4:05 pm

Cheers, AntonArkydivich

TBH, I don't have a damned clue. But your point is well taken. You should skype with them Modern Drunkard bastards sometime. It's a helluva session. Starts off with world politics and music, science, movies, books and shit and then eventually devolves into bodily noises and stumbling about breaking things in the background. Invite the family!

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Re: Am I an Alcoholic?

Post by Mr. Viking » Mon Oct 19, 2015 4:46 pm

WhiskeyReb wrote:Am I an Alcoholic?
Yes, or you wouldn't be here
"I spent all of my money on cars, women and booze, the rest of it I squandered" G. Best

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