Lincoln Douglas Drunkard Debates

[Badfellow]

And now for our first topic...

Resolved: Liquor is better than Beer

For many thousands of years, humans have brewed beer. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I myself possess a master brewer's diploma and a BS in fermentation sciences as applied to brewing. I love beer. But do I love liquor a little bit more?

Sure, beer is venerable and easy to drink. But doesn't it give you a bloated feeling after twelve or so servings? And, at that point, wouldn't you have rather knocked back the equal in shots of whiskey? Or rum? Or a nice, clean wheat vodka chilled to perfection? You might have saved room for a few extra Scotch eggs or slices of pizza, if you had.

My friends... I come today not to trash beer but to praise distilled liquor. Distilled spirits are the more compact version of the contract with drunkenness. A single fluid ounce of Buffalo Trace contains the same amount of Happy Molecules as the equivalent 12 oz. of Papsmear Blue Ribbon. It's simple math. Beer is good. But liquor is better.

The floor is open.

[Bur]

I've been preaching this for years, I think some people might be hard of hearing. Or they are just ignoring me because I'm under the table. Maybe a bit of both.

[oettinger]

I've been preaching this for years

Same here.
For some reason it is acceptable to have a beer for lunch (500ml), or three to four in the evening (half a gallon) watching soccer while the children are asleep.
Replace that with:
For lunch I`d like half a pint of vodka. Lemon mixers please. Oh you don`t have lemon? Neat then...

A bottle before, inbetween and after dinner.

Sounds so criminal, doesn`t it.



Myself? I drink beer as a stopgap, no other use. Or should the bankaccount dictate it.

[ThirstyDrunk]

All ofit. pour liquid down neckhole

[oettinger]

All ofit. pour liquid down neckhole

I peed in it and you didn`t even take note. haha

#Drunkbastard
#DrunkenMutantDrinkingTurtle

[mistah willies]

All ofit. pour liquid down neckhole

quite agree. MOAARRRRR!!!



<hiccup> urrrrrpppp


...Hmmm. Lincoln Douglas...

TBH, right now had to research *ahem* wikiperdia this. I thought "critique" was a French term. Evidently, them Germans came up with it and they misspeel it like this: kritik.

All righty, I'll take a bite of this debite.

And now for our first topic...

Resolved: Liquor is better than Beer

For many thousands of years, humans have brewed beer. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I myself possess a master brewer's diploma and a BS in fermentation sciences as applied to brewing. I love beer. But do I love liquor a little bit more?

Sure, beer is venerable and easy to drink. But doesn't it give you a bloated feeling after twelve or so servings? And, at that point, wouldn't you have rather knocked back the equal in shots of whiskey? Or rum? Or a nice, clean wheat vodka chilled to perfection? You might have saved room for a few extra Scotch eggs or slices of pizza, if you had.

My friends... I come today not to trash beer but to praise distilled liquor. Distilled spirits are the more compact version of the contract with drunkenness. A single fluid ounce of Buffalo Trace contains the same amount of Happy Molecules as the equivalent 12 oz. of Papsmear Blue Ribbon. It's simple math. Beer is good. But liquor is better.

The floor is open.

OK, yes, beer is the reason people spent all that time to learn agriculture after the last ice age, at the beginning of the current Holocene era. This led to sedentary dwelling, which meant something different back then.

So, take something wonderful and en-happy-ing and reduce it down to its essence is akin to deriving vitamin C in a laboratory form an orange. Why not just friggin eat the orange? It's damn good and tasty, and perhaps the combination of everything else inside it magnifies the health benefit of the vitamin C? Cumulative. OK, I've gone a bit off course there. Cumulo Nimbus.

*ahem* <hiccup> ...fart...

The point I may have been trying to make is this: scientists always attempt to break down the ingredients to define the working molecule that is the essence. but if you put all of those refined ingredients back into a mortar and grind them with your pistil, they do not an orange make.

It's the Yoda-lity.


Distilling lovely Miss Ethyl to her naked body will leave you with vodka. Then you have to dress her back up with burnt wood? Used barrels? Moss? Sugar and molasses and spices?


*My apologies, dear black rum, but I'm just playing the devils cut here


Avast! Have at ye!



.

[oettinger]

to her naked body

Don`t tell the rest of the board but I did touch her between the legs.

Thank god half of this board is morbidly drunk and the other half is mindlessly shit faced

[Badfellow]

It is good to see that the Art of Canley is not dead!
I accept your challenge and the right to defend the honor of Naked Lady Ethyl...
En garde!

...All righty, I'll take a bite of this debite...

Ah, good sir.

During the course of your most eloquently delivered oratory, I happen to notice a bit of gastrointestinal venting. Have you been drinking beer? Hmmmmmm? Well, you'll certainly get your B vitamins and your recommended daily allowance of ethanol there. But what you'll also be getting is a heaping load of carbon dioxide that will bloat your shit worse than a walrus pecker during mating season. If only there were a way to harness this abundant source of "natural gas". Alas, there is not.

Until then, I'll be taking shots of carbon dioxide free distillate and belching very little while I'm making out with a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model who can't get enough of the whiskey taste on my breath. And while you're all finishing your beers and farting the national anthem, she'll be having her sixth orgasm while I polish off the bottle.

That, fellow Drunkards, is the power of liquor.
Let it be resolved: liquor is better than beer!

I await your rebuttal, sir.

[Badfellow]

Thank god half of this board is morbidly drunk and the other half is mindlessly shit faced

Amen to that.

[mistah willies]

...I accept your challenge and the right to defend the honor of Naked Lady Ethyl...


En garde!



During the course of your most eloquently delivered oratory, I happen to notice a bit of gastrointestinal venting. Have you been drinking beer? Hmmmmmm? Well, you'll certainly get your B vitamins and your recommended daily allowance of ethanol there. But what you'll also be getting is a heaping load of carbon dioxide that will bloat your shit worse than a walrus pecker during mating season. If only there were a way to harness this abundant source of "natural gas". Alas, there is not.

Until then, I'll be taking shots of carbon dioxide free distillate and belching very little while I'm making out with a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model who can't get enough of the whiskey taste on my breath. And while you're all finishing your beers and farting the national anthem, she'll be having her sixth orgasm while I polish off the bottle.

That, fellow Drunkards, is the power of liquor.
Let it be resolved: liquor is better than beer!

I await your rebuttal, sir.

To parry, perchance to DRINK!



(jeez, ain't there no one else here who knows more than the likes of this here poor endrunkened Injun to fight this Bad sort of person?)


Ahh yes, you've found the strength of the wind in my full main. However, there appears to be a headwind blowing. Time to cut the maine and hoist the jib!

Yes, liquor is quicker, but beer has no fear. There is no whiskey wick with the candle full aflame.

Now then and again, again: I've never met someone who does not expel gassiatious information for the nose to analyse.

It is imperative to own it, or else be a liar. Be proud of your exclamations! we talk whit many orificii, or as it were, aura-focusses.


That being farted, perhaps the wind beneath your wings will arrive form the mixers you place in your distills. There is no variegation of the navigation of the pursuit of the island,

but the trip is much better than the arrival, if you find yourself tossing your greens in the roses.

beer will steer you clear to the lovely cove of Miss Ethyl

and lickher will only make be able to that.


Lunge!


Breathe this smelly air with your lunges!


or something less endrunkened and better written so on and so on


.

[Badfellow]

AND NOW...
PLEASE ENJOY OUR HALFTIME SHOW




AFTER WHICH, OUR DEBATERS WILL SWITCH AND ARGUE FROM OPPOSITE SIDES!!!

[mistah willies]

Wait...

Does this mean that we have to go DRY?

[Badfellow]

Dry? NEVER!!!

This simply means that I will now argue on behalf of beer while you, my good friend, become advocate for liquor.
Two posts each.
If you would, do us the honor of going first this time.

[mistah willies]

Who put Vatersdag on a friggin Sunday?!

Today was harsh to work.

Blahhhhh

*Hiccup*

[mistah willies]

<hiccup>

*ahem*

Through the ages, the pursuit of happiness had eluded our ancestors. Yet, the drive for this seeking, this searching was certainly written into our genital coding. Our DNA.

Drunkard Nation Arrives.

The dawn of the age of enlightenment glowed in the first container that the held the fermented liquid, and of course, we hail the first brave soul who was so Thirsty that he or she did dare to chug it.

...And was promptly rewarded.

Our forebears followed this new path and discovered many new, marvelous treasures: beer, mead and eventually, wine. Indeed, it caused a revolution of the mind. We became more social, and grew the ingredients. This has been written before, and so it must be chiseled in stone, en memoriam of our ancestors, Bacchus bless them with eternally full cups.


Society brought with it our social norms. We found, in our dealings with each other, the reason to keep track of who did what, and how much beer they should be paid. Money is based upon doing work for beer. This still happens to this day. We wear blue collars like a team, so that folks recognize us when we sit down at the bar in the pub. We've earned our beer. Cheers!


THAT BEING SAID,


We no longer live in caves, fighting the sabre toothed tiger. Our rules of How To Get Along were created, and then through social interactions over hundreds of years, became refined.

We became refined.

and so did our elixir.

Liquor Is Better Than Beer.


The idea is this: Of course beer is the original, but it does not mean it is the best.

There are only so many things one can do with beer before we looked to make it even better. We age it in rye barrels, we add orange drops to the wheat mash, and we mess around with hops and roast the malt to dark, thick stout. Beer is truly pure no longer, so the expectation that liquor be held to some arbitrary standard of "not being messed with" is completely false.


Beer is not as pure as vodka, and yet, even vodka is not purely alcohol.

Some of the origin of the fermentation comes through the distillation process. Grain is harsher than potato, of which can lend a buttery taste all its own.

Through art, much like alchemy, our process of steering the flavor from pure distillate in any potent has become refined through hundreds of years of experimentation, and those recipes that please the palate most are now closely guarded by their creators.

You will find in the vast horizon of labels of hard liquor:

lands, countries, worlds, and solar systems of flavors, experiences, and excitement.

And then, you are free to experiment, in your own personal laboratory,

to discover the perfect cocktail for you. There are many awaiting you.

Beer is to be honored, certainly.

But

Liquor (and liqueur): these are our Gods, and they must be praised and worshiped accordingly.


We have sought them, and we have found them.

All Hallow Liquor! Praise be thy name. Amen.



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