Lincoln Douglas Drunkard Debates

[Badfellow]

I'll have you know, I had to put on pants for this debate. We all make sacrifices.
As for the subject of beer...

Don't listen to my opponent. He drinks mineral spirits and beats his children with live lobsters.

Look, I could rattle off a bunch of boring evidence and spun statistics, and then I could hash an enchanting bedtime story about the Trappist monks and explain why their beers are so ungodly good. Instead, I will condense my argument to two points for your consideration.

1.) Beer is superior and, in fact, indispensable in a number of situations, be it fishing, mowing the lawn or piloting a single engine Cessna bush plane. Add to this a COLD beer taken fresh from the cooler and you'd be hard pressed to think of anything better. Ever.

AND

2.) According to a recent study conducted by Trump University, people who drink vodka are 30% more likely to be communist.
Yes, drink enough vodka
And this is what happens to you!


Yes, fellow Drunkards. The choice is clear.
Let it be resolved: liquor is coolio, but beer is the shizzle!

CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

[mistah willies]

All right you bastards, time for closing arguments. Wrap it up, and stick it in.

Oh.

Well, alrighty then.

*ahem*

In the course of our lives, it has always---

Wait...

<Buffalo Trace Shot Time> sip/chug

ahhh...

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, i aks you one question. when you go into a public area, do you carry a hip flask, or do you wear a beer holder around your belly/boobs?

Which fluid is better when at body temperature than the other? Which one has more bang for its buck? A mouth full of flat beer or a mouthful of bourbon?

Which of these do you now have in your purse/fedora as you sit in the court pews and decide?

The court is now yours, man who hunts with a keg strapped to his back.


Above all, DRINK! never stop.

Mmmm... both booze and beer are truly marvelous.


.

[Badfellow]

And now we'll let the jury decide...

[Patchez]

I vote beer for the clear and simply the best reason. You can make it at home with out the risk of blowing yourself and the house up.

Beer!

[Badfellow]

I'm voting for boilermakers.

[oettinger]

drink enough vodka
And this is what happens to you!

[oettinger]

Drink enough Vodka and Eva Mendes happens to you. Just drink reaaaaaalllyy enough