Attack of the drunken birthday boy, a new Halloween special

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Rye and Coke
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Attack of the drunken birthday boy, a new Halloween special

Post by Rye and Coke »

here we go. 2 minutes into my birthday. 41 years ago, I crawled out of my mother's womb, on my elbows and knees, sporting the most disinterested and annoyed look a newborn has ever had the dis-privilege of presenting. apocryphal stories suggest I immediately ordered a white russian because breast milk was beneath me. i then moved onto whiskey because who wants to get loaded on spiked Saturday-morning cereal leavings?

I've been told this can be a goldmine. i've already experienced it partially. after work on tuesday, my coworker and i went to a happy hour where -- after being told by my sweet, sweet coworker that this was my birthday week -- I was gifted by the bar with shots of rare, no-one-else-has-this tequila. i didn't get the name, but damn it was smooth with actual notes of vanilla. i've been drinking rotgut tequila all this time and never knew. the bartender bought me another shot and after two margarita's I hobbled home with a new mission: i'm doing this all week.

even if I have to show them my driver's license, i'm milking this damn city for all the free drinks and good will i can get. it all starts tomorrow, on my actual birthday.

brace yourself Maryland and D.C., i'm draining this damn bird dry.
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"Oh, I'd'a had religion, Lord, this very day
But the womens and whiskey, well, they would not let me pray" - Son House

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Re: Attack of the drunken birthday boy, a new Halloween special

Post by mistah willies »

Rye and Coke wrote:
Wed Oct 16, 2019 10:13 pm
here we go. 2 minutes into my birthday. 41 years ago...

...even if I have to show them my driver's license, i'm milking this damn city for all the free drinks and good will i can get. it all starts tomorrow, on my actual birthday.

brace yourself Maryland and D.C., i'm draining this damn bird dry.
Only 41? Must've been a hard 41 years.

Just busting on ya. I'd card you.
Now this birthday week idea is outstanding. And free booze is always a blessing of the Lord Bacchus.

But a rare and hard to find treasure? ( There's an erective dysfunction joke in there somewhere, but just can't muster it up)

Well, here's a morning pre-shower beer raised to the south from here for your birthday week.
Slainte!

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Re: Attack of the drunken birthday boy, a new Halloween special

Post by Dear Booze »

Rye and Coke wrote:
Wed Oct 16, 2019 10:13 pm
here we go. 2 minutes into my birthday. 41 years ago, I crawled out of my mother's womb, on my elbows and knees, sporting the most disinterested and annoyed look a newborn has ever had the dis-privilege of presenting... I immediately ordered a white russian because breast milk was beneath me. i then moved onto whiskey because who wants to get loaded on spiked Saturday-morning cereal leavings?
Happy Birthday!
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a drunk man tortilla chips, Velveeta and a hair dryer and he has nachos.

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Re: Attack of the drunken birthday boy, a new Halloween special

Post by Rye and Coke »

First bar is Oliver's on Main Street in Laurel, Maryland. Ordered a double rail whiskey and coke while watching the Chiefs vs. Broncos. Everyone's drunk, this bar is dim with heavy pours so of course.

And everyone is old. I love that there are no kids here.
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"Oh, I'd'a had religion, Lord, this very day
But the womens and whiskey, well, they would not let me pray" - Son House

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Re: Attack of the drunken birthday boy, a new Halloween special

Post by Patchez »

Happy Birthday!
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider

Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice

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Re: Attack of the drunken birthday boy, a new Halloween special

Post by Nausea »

Happy birthday. Sounds like you're making it count, too.

"Birthday week"? Shit, my life has been deprived of those.
Oh God, my grandmother would kill me.

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Re: Attack of the drunken birthday boy, a new Halloween special

Post by Rye and Coke »

Alright, well, I never left the bar. Okay, I left the bar, but I came back.

So... The first time I was at Oliver's I ordered the one drink and quickly realized I was flanked by a familiar face. It was the mid-eastern dude I'd mentioned earlier that I had befriended. Let's call him Mark. He had the same "wow-America-doesn't-really-like-me-much" look in his eye, but he was a lot more gregarious. He was joking, talking and laughing and I quickly realized he was the -- and probably always had been -- the bar "problem".

What is the bar "problem," you ask?

The bar "problem" is that regular who annoys just about EEEEEEEVERYOOOOONEEEEEE.... He doesn't do anything 86-worthy, he's just there, being "extra" and annoying. You can't shit on him, because he's done nothing wrong, but you don't want to be around him because....Jesus, this dude is enough.

I didn't mind him tho'. We talked about life, drinking and the insanity of it all when I mentioned that it was my birthday. Well, at that point it was pretty much a mandate that he buy me a drink. He called to the bartender who was a surly brute of a barmaid who -- as pro-wrestling czar Jim Cornette is wont to say -- wouldn't give a cripple crab a crutch. Through is slurs he finally got through to her and my third free drink of my birthday week was procured.

I told Mark that I had to go, because at the time I did. I wanted to get something to eat and I wanted it to be from the 24 hour diner down the street that was attached to the bar and lounge I had only visited once. i was going to walk the 3/4 mile to the next bar and keep the binge going.

It was while walking that I realized how many bars Laurel, Maryland, has. I passed the Cork and Bottle liquor store and then the Olive on Main Street Mediterranean Bar and Grill. Both were closing. By the time I reached the diner, the lounge had closed and the diner wasn't so important. So I began my trek back. Oliver's has an open kitchen, extremely cheep drinks and company, which is all I really wanted anyway.

The second time there, i sat at the bar with a nice older lady who looked like she had walked over to the bar in her pajamas. Let's call her Diana. She was another regular with an order that didn't have to be explained. She just had a thing for the shrimp. This was weird because this bar didn't look like the place to which you'd trust your seafood consumption. Still, it's what she got, every time and all the time, so that's what they gave her.

I ordered a cheesesteak with loaded potato skin appetizers and when I gave her one (because she said she'd never had one), you'd have thought I gave her a kidney. She just fell in love with me. She gave me one of her shrimp, thanking me profusely.
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"Oh, I'd'a had religion, Lord, this very day
But the womens and whiskey, well, they would not let me pray" - Son House

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Re: Attack of the drunken birthday boy, a new Halloween special

Post by oettinger »

Rye and Coke wrote:
Fri Oct 18, 2019 7:52 pm
you'd have thought I gave her a kidney.
Hhahaha, no spare livers in here Mrs.
If water was so healthy, why do you die when you drown in it?
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Re: Attack of the drunken birthday boy, a new Halloween special

Post by oettinger »

Oh shit, where did my manners go:

CHEERS and happy Birthday
If water was so healthy, why do you die when you drown in it?
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Re: What's in your glass for Halloween?

Post by Rye and Coke »

Rye Whiskey and Apple Cider and all of the different variations I can mix the two. It is truly a glorious time. I'm currently watching Candyman 3 (so bad that it's hilarious) and Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Did a Nightmare on Elm Street marathon -- I honestly forgot how good a lot of those movies were. I might even check back into some old Tim Burton.

I don't know why this is always such heaven for me. Christmas just annoys and depresses me, but Halloween is goddamn magical.
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"Oh, I'd'a had religion, Lord, this very day
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Re: Halloween

Post by Rye and Coke »

So here we are, Oct. 26, 2019, the celebration of my yearly Halloween holiday.

You see, once a year I take a week off, during Halloween week, to just relax, relate and release...Nah, just kidding, I have a week-long alcohol-driven binge party that ends in me stumbling into work the following Monday, dehydrated, delirious and with an ample amount of debaucherous stories to tell. Everyone in my office knows this. They expect it. So I refuse to let them down.

There's a question of integrity here.

Anyway, things started after work when a group of my coworker and former coworkers decided to go to the bar across the street from our office and watch The Nationals in their quest to follow in the WNBA 2019 champions The Mystics' footsteps and gain gold for the Washington, D.C., area. We're up 2-0 and had the potential to sweep. If you follow baseball you know that's no longer an option.

Anywhoo.

Friday
Casa Tequila Bar & Grill - Alexandria, VA

3 Margaritas (2 frozen, one on the rocks)
1 shot of top shelf tequila
1 Corona
1 shot of rotgut tequila

Thank god, they have a happy hour. This is the type of place where stuffy, tie-wearing, corporate types go for lunch and after work hijinks. We're not those types. For example, I roll in with my Harley Quinn t-shirt and a ravenous thirst for anything alcoholic. Me and my two coworkers (we were waiting for two former coworkers who were bring at least three others with them) settled down and ordered drinks. I ordered and drank two margaritas, one frozen and one on the rocks. Once everyone showed up, we upped the ante. A round of shots from a high-end, smooth as goddamn butter, tequila jug was ordered. It was unique to the bar and I only knew about it because, as a regular, they gave me a free shot on my actual birthday. The name escapes me, I apologize.

The game wore on and the situation started looking dire for D.C. fans, more drinks were ordered. I ordered another margarita and a Corona. The crew went crazy and just began drowning their sorrows in food and drink. It was then that I realized I had to leave. I don't drive to work, rather I take public transit and I can't stay too long, less I miss my buses.

I bid everyone a fond farewell, while they all held their heads in their hands, laying prostrate and forlorn at the score. I returned to the office, took one last shot of the last bit of alcohol we have in our office since going dry: rot gut tequila. It literally says, with "natural flavors" on the label. it did what it had to do for the moment. I gathered my things, expressed a solid "fuck you" to my desk for the time being and was off.

Home base
2 Manhattans w/ Era Brooks Straight Rye Whiskey
1 vodka and lemonade

I came home around 11. The Nats were losing and I knew my coworkers were probably suicidal. Even tho' we were up 2-0, to Washington, D.C., fans that means nothing. We have teams that can blow a lead through a straw. And that's what we did. Everyone was down. The darkness had draped it's tendrils over the city. I dared not leave home. There were bound to be fires, fighting and hate mongers, throwing trash cans through business windows and lighting Nats gear on fire.

I watched a bit of T.V., hobbled upstairs and went to sleep.
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"Oh, I'd'a had religion, Lord, this very day
But the womens and whiskey, well, they would not let me pray" - Son House

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Re: Halloween

Post by Rye and Coke »

Saturday
Home Base

1 Rye Opener
3 Cranberry and Vodkas
2 Rye straights
1 Vodka straight

I woke up, completely out of it, around 10. Something in me screamed, "breakfast sandwiches!" So, while my daughter was at track practice and my wife was out, I took to making everyone egg, bacon and cheese sandwiches. It was mostly for me, because I needed to beat this hangover away with something and grease will always do.

I plan on going out to replenish the home bar and also take part in a haunted tour at Maryland's Savage Mill. There, they have two bars. The surface level bar also serves as a restaurant. The basement level bar is the type of dive I can sink my teeth into. It's one of my favorite bars and I plan on paying my respects.
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"Oh, I'd'a had religion, Lord, this very day
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Re: Halloween

Post by Patchez »

So you are off all next week? Starting Tuesday evening expect drunken Skype request and numerous shitpost messages through Saturday night.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider

Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice

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Re: Halloween

Post by Rye and Coke »

Patchez wrote:
Sat Oct 26, 2019 5:49 pm
So you are off all next week? Starting Tuesday evening expect drunken Skype request and numerous shitpost messages through Saturday night.
I'm down! I'm thinking I'm going to chronicle all of this and maybe even submit it to MDM. Let's see how crazy shit gets. I just convinced my barely-drinking wife to come to the bars with me tonight.

Like Ray Charles said, it's all about the stories.
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"Oh, I'd'a had religion, Lord, this very day
But the womens and whiskey, well, they would not let me pray" - Son House

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Re: Halloween

Post by oettinger »

Very fine posting there RC.

WNBA though? You got me with that one!
If water was so healthy, why do you die when you drown in it?
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