The one thing I am really learning in this quarantine is that a lot of people die in nursing homes.
We need to set these people free and let them do something fun, like they can run the Kentucky derby while we drink mint julep. It may be slow, but we can drink more.
Hmmmm... Indy 5000 smash up derby?
Or frig it, just let them have their car keys back. That'll clear the streets in no time. Try to live on the second floor during this time.
There's a fun drinking game I like to play called Horkem. It works like this: I sneak into your house. If I can drink all your booze and sneak back out before you notice and grab your shotgun, I win.
I got another one. Every time my feckin' Pomeranian barks... everyone has to drink...
That game would be way more fun if your dog wasn't such an entitled little asshole. I believe the German term is kleine arseloch hund. Seriously, I'm a dog person; I like most dogs better than I like most people. But that particular canine sometimes makes my kicking foot itch. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
And don't get me started about that little fucker getting shit stuck in his fur ever time he drops a dook-a-reeno. Is there a drinking game for that?
That game would be way more fun if your dog wasn't such a fat, entitled, blond, humongous, asshole that refuses to listen to common sense and comply with simple rules.
Every time we hear our neighbor's young son Paul cry, we now take a drink. And you can get pretty fecked up if you are drinking shaken lime daiquiris!
For whatever reason every time this kid is playing outside he inevitably cries and we've known this for ages. Blubbering more than once during the time he is out there too. Granted, he's four years old but damn! Usually it's some sort of injury. oett knows the father and even the dad said the poor kid runs awkwardly and can't stop and ultimately falls. Other times it's arguments with his older sister (who sounds like a German Louise from Bob's Burger's to make it more comical). Another time oett heard him crying because the parents were blaming him for something that he claims he didn't do. To make it worse, his helicopter mom always screams "PAUL!" ALL the freakin' time! We're exposed to all of this even more since we sit outside more often having drinks.
So that is how we came up with the drinking game "When Paul Cries". But the aforementioned "When Our Pomeranian Barks" gets ya way more fecked up since we spend 24-7 with that asshole. I feel sorry for our neighbors that live in between us because they are ALWAYS outside. Crying kid on one side...barky asshole dog on the other. Playing both drinking games in one day would be brutal!
You can improv this in your own neighborhood. If you live in the ghetto or near a fire station...why not drink to sirens? There's always a silver lining!
For those that Skyped with me in my pre-Deutschland days...y'all remember the circular saws, hedge trimmers, chainsaws, weed whackers...there was always some kind of annoying fcking sound occurring that could have easily became a drinking game.
My neighborhood is pretty quiet, so it would be hard to create a drinking game out of sounds you hear regularly. You'd have a hard time getting drunk. However, the woman who lives across the street from me is obsessed with her yard. She mows her lawn at least three times a week and when she's not mowing she's constantly watering, trimming, weeding, etc. So I could make a drinking game called "When Sally Touches a Plant". You'd be shit faced in no time.
So I could make a drinking game called "When Sally Touches a Plant". You'd be shit faced in no time.
HA! That's great! We should definitely utilize this! Our neighbor in the center of this b.s. does the same thing. We call it her "non-productive" yard work because she's always dinging around in the garden ALL DAY but no progress ever seems to be made. We joke that she has the hots for oett and that she purposely does fake yard work when he's outside. Bending over in front of him to pick up her dropped spade or something haha. (She doesn't really do that). Creepy stuff she does do...she's always outside our bedroom window in the mornings and skulking in the bushes on our side of the fence during the day. Never is she on the other side of her yard next to the crying child. We have soooo many jokes about her.
And what really pisses me off about Sally is she always wears this stupid pink hat when she's gardening. I want to steal that hat and burn it. She spends money on a lawn treatment service but yet her front lawn is burning out because she doesn't water the lawn. The dumb bitch doesn't know that fertilizer kills without water, so now her lawn looks like shit. My lawn is 50% crabgrass and weeds but at least it's green. Weeds survive in heat. Grass doesn't. Fuck Sally and her stupid pink hat.
And what really pisses me off about Sally is she always wears this stupid pink hat when she's gardening. I want to steal that hat and burn it. She spends money on a lawn treatment service but yet her front lawn is burning out because she doesn't water the lawn. The dumb bitch doesn't know that fertilizer kills without water, so now her lawn looks like shit. My lawn is 50% crabgrass and weeds but at least it's green. Weeds survive in heat. Grass doesn't. Fuck Sally and her stupid pink hat.
There`s this pink hat wearing lady hanging out on a bench outside every damn day. It`s not even a hat, it`s a golf-style visor or whatever these things are called. It think she has the hots for me also. I hate her and want to shoot it of her damn head with DB`s pellet gun so badly.