Ask Savage

[ruiner]

Dear Savage:

Attempting (seemingly in vain) to quit smoking, for mostly financial reasons. (my wife says she wants me around when we're older, but I just can't see that as a goal for her. haven't I been irritant?)

do you recommend gum, patch, or cold turkey? So far just smoking enough not to kill anyone is a temporary fix.

[Savage]

Dear Savage:

Attempting (seemingly in vain) to quit smoking, for mostly financial reasons. (my wife says she wants me around when we're older, but I just can't see that as a goal for her. haven't I been irritant?)

do you recommend gum, patch, or cold turkey? So far just smoking enough not to kill anyone is a temporary fix.

Wow. You are barking up the wrong tree, sonnyboy. I have never smoked. My daddy quit smoking his pipe when I was just leaving toddlerhood, and my mother only smoked when she watched soaps or played poker with her low-life girl friends. Then she quit. This was back in the 1960's. I do not understand the pleasure people get from sucking a burning piece of weed. When I run errands, and see the customers or saleshelp crouched in front of the shopfronts like forgotten dogs, puffing on their ciggies, I am nearly overcome with a sort of sorrow and disgust. It all seems so undignified. And I cannot imagine ever letting something make a slave of me to the point of addiction. Even my parents were merely dabblers in the smoking game. And by the way, yeah, I'm not addicted to bourbon. I gave up all booze for several months, while I underwent some medical tests and such. No problem, seriously. I like bourbon as I like chocolate. But I would never freak out if I didn't have either one. But I do enjoy them both. See the difference?

[peetie44]

I do not understand the pleasure people get from sucking a burning piece of weed. ?

So I suppose this probably means I could trust you around my Cuban cigars when I'm not present?

[JohnnyT]

I do not understand the pleasure people get from sucking a burning piece of weed. ?

So I suppose this probably means I could trust you around my Cuban cigars when I'm not present?

you couldn't trust me.

[peetie44]

I do not understand the pleasure people get from sucking a burning piece of weed. ?

So I suppose this probably means I could trust you around my Cuban cigars when I'm not present?

you couldn't trust me.

You could count on that, JTq.

[Screwball]

Smoke blunts make of banana peels and leafy low grade weed.

or start chewing Red Man.

[Savage]

I do not understand the pleasure people get from sucking a burning piece of weed. ?

So I suppose this probably means I could trust you around my Cuban cigars when I'm not present?

Oh, hell yeah! When Grumpy lights up one of those stinkers, I hold my breath. Bleh! I've tried to get him to switch to a pipe, and there are some yummy pipe tobaccos out there, but so far, no luck.

[BBoozer]

Dear Savage,

do you ever sleep?

[Savage]

Dear Savage,

do you ever sleep?

Not really. And when I occasionally do, bad things happen. (See my plaint about the fuckers who stole our Halloween display.)

[bluebottle]

hi savage,
bloob here. first time posting on this thread. can i get a shot? i'm slightly troubled tonight because i am seeing a pattern where i am getting blamed for everything that goes on at my place of so-called work "blame it on that fuckin' halfbreed, he's drunk most of the time anyhow." thing is, i see right through their act. this shop would be nothing without me - i helped build it from the ground up over ten years ago and now i am the only one doing creative beautiful work and i see jealousy creeping up at every turn. the whole place is on the rocks and i see ten thousand albatrosses around it's neck and i am responsible for none of them, yet i get blamed for them all. am i being paranoid?

[felinamojokitty]

listen ..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_YJR9-BRyM

[Savage]

hi savage,
bloob here. first time posting on this thread. can i get a shot? i'm slightly troubled tonight because i am seeing a pattern where i am getting blamed for everything that goes on at my place of so-called work "blame it on that fuckin' halfbreed, he's drunk most of the time anyhow." thing is, i see right through their act. this shop would be nothing without me - i helped build it from the ground up over ten years ago and now i am the only one doing creative beautiful work and i see jealousy creeping up at every turn. the whole place is on the rocks and i see ten thousand albatrosses around it's neck and i am responsible for none of them, yet i get blamed for them all. am i being paranoid?

No, darlin' you are not being paranoid. They are against you, and they need to be exterminated, or neutrilized, if you have a more tender hearth than Savage does.

I think I spelled some things wrong. But I guess you get my meaning.

[bluebottle]

thank you again for the most perfect song felina! soothe my soul...

and savage, please call me darlin' anytime. i am feeling better already thanks to the both of you. i really feel like i'm being pushed out of my so-called job for the next wave of idiots that will truly run it all into the ground. i have ink all over my hands but i got most of it onto the pages and i hate to say it, but i am rather pleased with myself. one never intends to be hated for beauty, but hell - it gets lonely out here.

[Savage]

thank you again for the most perfect song felina! soothe my soul...

and savage, please call me darlin' anytime. i am feeling better already thanks to the both of you. i really feel like i'm being pushed out of my so-called job for the next wave of idiots that will truly run it all into the ground. i have ink all over my hands but i got most of it onto the pages and i hate to say it, but i am rather pleased with myself. one never intends to be hated for beauty, but hell - it gets lonely out here.

Oh, I am sorry! I'll go back to calling you shithead.

[bluebottle]

thank you again for the most perfect song felina! soothe my soul...

and savage, please call me darlin' anytime. i am feeling better already thanks to the both of you. i really feel like i'm being pushed out of my so-called job for the next wave of idiots that will truly run it all into the ground. i have ink all over my hands but i got most of it onto the pages and i hate to say it, but i am rather pleased with myself. one never intends to be hated for beauty, but hell - it gets lonely out here.

Oh, I am sorry! I'll go back to calling you shithead.

i wish i was drunk so i could really insult you - but something like that, well, it would contain more than 6000 characters and some smilies, so you are spared.