COVID-19: The good, bad, & the ugly share here:

[Patchez]

Getting ready for vacation trip to Florida.

Yesterday they announce that bars can no longer serve customers on site. Only to go.

Sucks balls. They damn well better relax the drinking in public bullshit.

[oettinger]

Oh Patch, just bring a keg and don`t visit the beaches

[Artful Drunktective]

"Clamedia!" Sounds like another Dear Booze "tractor" incident.

Twitter users troll woman who claims her husband got CHLAMYDIA from wearing a face mask while on a business trip

[Artful Drunktective]

[scream ale]

Scary stuff ^^^

[Hugh]

Now the grocery store is queing people up outside. The line was about 30 people long when I showed up. So I turned right back around and went home. And it's a long walk.

[oettinger]

Now the grocery store is queing people up outside. The line was about 30 people long when I showed up. So I turned right back around and went home. And it's a long walk.

That`s why I always carry a chainsaw and some Napalm

[scream ale]

I always carry a chainsaw and some Napalm

You may be on to something there...

[Dear Booze]

Governor Gavin Newsom orders all California counties to cease the following activities:
-talking on phone
-singing
-laughing
-eating cereal
-eating tomato soup
-buying or possessing field and stream magazine
-saying the word "garage"
-lawn bowling
-hangliding
-playing any musical instrument
-reading anything while on the toilet
-interacting with animals, children, and people over the age of 76.

[Artful Drunktective]

^ ^ ^ Other activities not allowed:

-Farting
-Yahtzee
-Listening to country music
-Stamp collecting
-Picking up dog shit from the yard
-Animal Crossing
-Eating Velveeta
-Badminton
-Watching the Golden Girls
-Clipping toenails
-Using ice cubes
-Pin the Tail on the Donkey
-Bikini waxes
-Smoking from Badfellow's bong
-Goat yoga
-Watching anything with Danny Trejo

[Dear Booze]

^ ^ ^ Other activities not allowed:

-Farting
-Yahtzee
-Listening to country music
-Stamp collecting
-Picking up dog shit from the yard
-Animal Crossing
-Eating Velveeta
-Badminton
-Watching the Golden Girls
-Clipping toenails
-Using ice cubes
-Pin the Tail on the Donkey
-Bikini waxes
-Smoking from Badfellow's bong
-Goat yoga
-Watching anything with Danny Trejo

THIS JUST IN:

Danny Trejo has been banned. Period.

Details of a planned deportation and/or execution will be announced at noon.

Also, use of outdoor irrigation and the operation of motorized vehicles and conveyances between the hours of 5:00 P.M. Pacific Standard Time and 3:00 P.M. Pacific Standard Time are now banned.

[Artful Drunktective]

The following are only allowed in Cali during the hours of 4:00-7:00 PM PST on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays:

Cat petting
Yodeling
Hot dog eating
Giving birth
Playing polo
Watching Knight Rider
Piña colada drinking
Associating with German people

[Badfellow]

It's official. In an unprecedented move, Gov. Gavin Newsom has accidentally banned himself from the state of California.

Also, these additional activities have been declared unlawful with strict enforcement being effected by squads of armed goons in black tactical suits:


*Cornhole tournaments
*The shouting of "yee-haw!", "ya-hoo!" or its equivalent
*Moon walking, pop locking and all breakdance moves
*Scratching and/or readjusting of the testicles
*Mustaches
*Yogurt making
*Steam punking
*Fidgeting
*Any sudden, quick moves
*All performances of Hitlerian Shakespeare in the park
*Recumbent bicycle riding
*Saying hello
*Queefing
*All forms of prayer
*The consumption of tacos

[Dear Booze]

Breaking News, Gavin Newsom announced more restrictions for Californians to help slow the spread of the Coronavirus. Starting immediately, the following activities will be suspended:

Blowjobs*
Handjobs*
Rimjobs*
Fucking*
ATMing*
Cleveland Steaming*
Rusty Tromboning*


*except for homosexuals

[Badfellow]

News flash! Gubnor Gavin Nukem announces even more amendments to additional restrictions on banned activities amongst all citizens of the state of California. Side effects may include:

*Tiredness
*Diarrhea, cramps or vomiting
*Hot flashes
*Erections lasting more than four hours
*Sudden mood swings
*Dry mouth
*Ketoacidosis
*Dandruff
*Hair loss
*Saggy tits
*Lazy eye
*Vertigo
*Critical memory failure
*Schizoid embolism
*Pickled kidney
*Flat footedness
*Excess groin odor