Does it have to be this way?

[Slackjawd]

I'm in the process of rotating/reorganizing/streamlining stock in my liquor cabinet. I've managed to drain the amaretto, kahlua, plata, and numerous brands of $7 vodkas, all with minimal mixers, as my fridge only has beer, cranberry juice, and some rotting broccolli in it, but I have a major endeavour staring me straight in the eye, and I've come to the point where I am lost. A bottle of tequila, with one shot taken from it. The bottle is at least 6 years aged, for i've had it in the cabinet that long. The kicker is it's Philip's brand. It has a screw cap for fuck's sake! I'm not even sure how I procured this venom, and the missing shot was of my doing about three years ago in a drunken show of machismo, that resulted in instantaneous reversals of fortune, straight into the kitchen sink. Do I tackle this hellbitch and drink that shit or do I cut my losses? I'm not an avid tequila drinker, so there might be a way to mix it so it's tolerable, but I'm not of the mixed-drink ilk, so I'm clueless, and I'm not one to buy or keep any mixers on hand, as I like to keep things as simple as possible. I'm willing to mail this shit to anybody who wants it, free of charge, if they promise to find it a suitable home. If that's not an option, I fear I may drink it, but I'd like to think I'm past those days of forcibly consuming hooch. Then again, I consider myself a man of principle, so I'm willing to. Can you see the dilemma? Can you feel the pain or is this falling upon deaf ears. Phew. I'm absolutely torn......

[Uncle Gary]

Sally forth into battle... we all get the pre-fight jitters on occassion, especially before a knock-down, drag out doonybrook. Chalk your concerns up to healthy nervous energy and "wade into them, spill their blood, shoot them in the belly...", all that George-C-Scott-as-Patton stuff. Get mean, get angry and put that mother down.

[Smatter Noguts]

Mix it with Squirt and a little lime juice and you'll do fine.
In fact, I think I'll make myself one right now.

[Rip Rufus]

Call for reinforcements. Have some friends over and pass the bottle back and forth till its gone.

Edit: Off topic, but I just noticed I am over 500 posts and graduated to "Inebriate Savant". Good for me, but bad for my employer, since most of the posts have been on their time / dime.

[Smatter Noguts]

Are they hiring?
Another goal achieved!
Wonderful things happen when your expectations are low.

[peetie44]

SJ,

Either you gotta bite the bullet and drink that bottle, OR, you could plan a night out with your friends, where the last few rounds before last call just HAPPEN to be margaritas.

After LC, invite the crowd back to your pad for -- SURPRISE! -- some more margaritas.
At this point, no one will notice -- or care -- about the low-grade tequila that you're serving, you won't have to drink ALL of it yourself, and you'll be looked upon as a well-prepared, after-hours hero (at least for one night).

[Illiniwek]

Don't try to drink it all today. Spread it out over the weekend. A shot here and a shot there interspersed between your usual drinks shouldn't do any harm and come Sunday evening, voila!, problem solved.

Oh, and look back to my advice about keeping crackers handy in case of some attempt by your stomach to expel it's contents - just use tortilla chips instead.

[noirly]

. . .or submerge several LI Hing Mui in the bottom these are salted plums original from china that are a deliscous snack ...after 1 week your tequila wikll take on the hue of orang anti freeze and be utterly yummy. in hawaii it is also known as crack seed !

[Mother Goose]

I was also going to suggest a few pitchers of margaritas for a party. Party guests love free booze, and they probably won't be tactless enough to complain about the shit taste. Plus, when you invite people for a party, they also bring 'gift' booze and leave it there . . . so you might get lucky enough to replace the shit tequila with some decent booze (or at least some leftover wine/beer that's palatable).

I, being one that completely detests all things tequila, would simply sacrifice it to the booze gods . . . but I also don't have parties. So there you go.

[Savage]

Well, when it's disgusting food, Grumpy takes it to work and puts it on the breakroom table. Those animals will eat anything, and thank you for it. Booze? Let's just say that if you had a camera a few years ago, you would have seen the G and the S pour neon alcohol down the drain. Seriously, no human could have drank that shit without spewing. I don't remember what it was called, but it was so nasty that even snails would not have drowned themselves in it.

[whiskeyprick]

Well, when it's disgusting food, Grumpy takes it to work and puts it on the breakroom table. Those animals will eat anything, and thank you for it. Booze? Let's just say that if you had a camera a few years ago, you would have seen the G and the S pour neon alcohol down the drain. Seriously, no human could have drank that shit without spewing. I don't remember what it was called, but it was so nasty that even snails would not have drowned themselves in it.

cOMPARING Grumpy to humans.....BLASH femor.

[Cowboy Joe]

Shit booze = fruit and fizz, for me. Lime and seven up ought to work, or you could say fuck you to the current Cuervo and cola ad campaign and drink it with generic grocery store coke.

[fizzmaster]

Drink It! Drink It! Drink It! I say get your manliest friends over (even if they be women) and pass that fucker around until its gone.

[firefly]

My vote is with the margarita man, or perhaps Long Islands? I know you said you're not a mixer, but after a pitcher of Long Islands, anyone should be.

[Grace O'Malley]

Send me the tequila.
Now.
Pls.