The Crappy Jokes thread!
Moderators: Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator, Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, oettinger, Judge
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Savage
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
ONE DAY! ONE DAY! I WILL COME UP WITH AN ORIGINAL AND YOU GUYS WILL LAUGH YOURSELVES INTO A COMA. YES. AS DOG IS MY WITNESS!
like tears in rain
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Palinka (RIP)
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Dear Lady S., much as everyone appreciates and enjoys your contributions, might I humbly suggest that you read as well as write <insert OS joke where so ever you please>.Savage wrote:oh hell. story of my life. some smartass always beats me to it.
"If I had all the money that I've spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink!"
"The trouble with internet quotes is that one can never be sure if they are genuine." - Abraham Lincoln
Kindly listen to this, please.
ドロンケン
"The trouble with internet quotes is that one can never be sure if they are genuine." - Abraham Lincoln
Kindly listen to this, please.
ドロンケン
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Savage
- Juicing Like Jackie
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- Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2003 1:16 am
- Location: All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Palinka wrote:Dear Lady S., much as everyone appreciates and enjoys your contributions, might I humbly suggest that you read as well as write <insert OS joke where so ever you please>.Savage wrote:oh hell. story of my life. some smartass always beats me to it.
Hey, what's the matter? The bran's not kicking in?
like tears in rain
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Smatter Noguts
- Boozing Like Bukowski
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
I do this 'cause Oettinger. Takin' the bullet for ya, boy...
Three black women share an apartment and discover they all have a boyfriend named Leroy.
To distinguish between them, they decide to invent nicknames derived from soda pops.
"Ma man be 'Mountain Dew', 'cause he live on a mountain and do, do, do!" says the first.
"I be callin mine 7-Up, 'cause he got seven inches long and he always up!" says the second.
"Mine's Jim Beam" says the third.
"That's not a soda pop, that's a liquor" the first two object.
"That's my Leroy!"
I denounce myself...
Three black women share an apartment and discover they all have a boyfriend named Leroy.
To distinguish between them, they decide to invent nicknames derived from soda pops.
"Ma man be 'Mountain Dew', 'cause he live on a mountain and do, do, do!" says the first.
"I be callin mine 7-Up, 'cause he got seven inches long and he always up!" says the second.
"Mine's Jim Beam" says the third.
"That's not a soda pop, that's a liquor" the first two object.
"That's my Leroy!"
I denounce myself...
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Respect dude,Smatter Noguts wrote:I do this 'cause Oettinger
Mine is still to evil for front page material, don`t ya think?
Another one,
How was copper wire invented? Two ..."fill in blank".. fighting over a nickel
Drink!
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Smatter Noguts
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Really? You're going there?
What do you call 10 Jewish mothers in a basement?
A whine cellar!
What do you call 10 Jewish mothers in a basement?
A whine cellar!
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JimLahey
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
A man calls a doctor he says "Doctor! I can't pee!"
The doctor goes "uh... ok, how old are you?"
The man says "I'm 90 years old"
Doctor replies "You've peed enough!"
The doctor goes "uh... ok, how old are you?"
The man says "I'm 90 years old"
Doctor replies "You've peed enough!"
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Savage
- Juicing Like Jackie
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Oh yeah? I'll have you know that I am an Drunkus Emeritus. (As are you.) As such, I am entitled to a season pass, on all the E ticket rides. Also, free sno-cones and foot rubs from the handsome young boys--oh wait. That is included in my Disneyland pass. Sorry.Palinka wrote:No special treatment for you, dear Lady S.Savage wrote:...I'm afraid our esteemed colleague will be banning me shortly, for political content...
like tears in rain
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Well this is still the CRAPPY jokes thread, so here I go:
On the brink of world war III god has had enough and calls in Obama, Putin and Merkel.
He goes: You three can`t stop playing war-games can`t you? Here`s the deal: I have set up this magical diving platform and magical pool. While approaching the edge of the platform you can cry out loud the drink of your choice and land in it in eternity and be drunk for ever!
Will that stop you from playing war on my planet suckers?
All three nod in enthusiasm.
First to go is obama and as a true american patriot (no muslim, if you`ve ever wondered) takes a big running start and screams "bourboooooon" and lands in a bowl of fine bourbon to be never seen again.
Next is putin, rather the stiff guy he takes a dry one foot step, says nastrovje vodka and with a big flush vanishes in clean eternity.
Now is merkles time, she looks quite uncomfortable in her bathing suit, overweight she is. Well screw it she thinks, the other two are gone no one is watching. Lets have fun. She goes back the whole platform preparing for a double flip forward, using her fat ass as counterweight. One last breath and there she goes:
Bavarian-White beeeeeeerrrr, one turn and CLANCK!!!!!
Hehehehe sorry, god says, we are out of that stuff since december. Here have another try.
Still shaken up merkel approaches the platform again, she is seeing stars still and goes for another run. Then she realizes "white beer, december? god you fucker!". As she turns around it`s too late, she slips and her momentum carries her of the edge and she screams: Shit!
On the brink of world war III god has had enough and calls in Obama, Putin and Merkel.
He goes: You three can`t stop playing war-games can`t you? Here`s the deal: I have set up this magical diving platform and magical pool. While approaching the edge of the platform you can cry out loud the drink of your choice and land in it in eternity and be drunk for ever!
Will that stop you from playing war on my planet suckers?
All three nod in enthusiasm.
First to go is obama and as a true american patriot (no muslim, if you`ve ever wondered) takes a big running start and screams "bourboooooon" and lands in a bowl of fine bourbon to be never seen again.
Next is putin, rather the stiff guy he takes a dry one foot step, says nastrovje vodka and with a big flush vanishes in clean eternity.
Now is merkles time, she looks quite uncomfortable in her bathing suit, overweight she is. Well screw it she thinks, the other two are gone no one is watching. Lets have fun. She goes back the whole platform preparing for a double flip forward, using her fat ass as counterweight. One last breath and there she goes:
Bavarian-White beeeeeeerrrr, one turn and CLANCK!!!!!
Hehehehe sorry, god says, we are out of that stuff since december. Here have another try.
Still shaken up merkel approaches the platform again, she is seeing stars still and goes for another run. Then she realizes "white beer, december? god you fucker!". As she turns around it`s too late, she slips and her momentum carries her of the edge and she screams: Shit!
Drink!
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booznik
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
In consultation with Mr Oettinger, an explanation of a couple of points here so that the crappy-jokeness is not lost on anyone:oettinger wrote: One last breath and there she goes:
Bavarian-White beeeeeeerrrr, one turn and CLANCK!!!!!
Hehehehe sorry, god says, we are out of that stuff since december. Here have another try.
- White beer is the literal English translation of weissbier, which we know outside of Germany more as Hefeweizen or wheat beer
- God is out of white beer since the December snow has melted
I think everyone got the punch line!
Crappy jokingly yours,
Bööznik
(ends up sounding almost like Buzznik, which is good enough for me)
"Booznik. Smooth, classy and manatee-like." --Bur
"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow
"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies
"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo
"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow
"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies
"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Marriage:
(I`ll keep this gender free)
One partner: You are drunk again aren`t you?
Other: Would you please shut up, it`s punishing enough to see you double!
(I`ll keep this gender free)
One partner: You are drunk again aren`t you?
Other: Would you please shut up, it`s punishing enough to see you double!
Drink!
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mistah willies
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
One: "Drunk again?!"
Other: "Me too!"
Other: "Me too!"
Can we drink now? ---peetie44
At rock bottom, there is no down. ---The Oett
^ ^ ^ Yes his entire cutlery set and all utensils are made from assorted broken bottles.--- The Artful Detective
Just remember Hugh: a good cocktail in a shitty glass is better that a shitty cocktail in a pretty glass.---The Badfellow
I'll buy the first round if you promise to stop being a cunt. --- Dear Booze
At rock bottom, there is no down. ---The Oett
^ ^ ^ Yes his entire cutlery set and all utensils are made from assorted broken bottles.--- The Artful Detective
Just remember Hugh: a good cocktail in a shitty glass is better that a shitty cocktail in a pretty glass.---The Badfellow
I'll buy the first round if you promise to stop being a cunt. --- Dear Booze
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
No stranger to pain huh?mistah willies wrote:One: "Drunk again?!"
Other: "Me too!"
Drink!
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mistah willies
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
oettinger wrote:No stranger to pain huh?mistah willies wrote:One: "Drunk again?!"
Other: "Me too!"
Pain is par for the course, huh.
But ya gotta be medicated sometimes!
In the distant future, when you coming to 'Murrica, I'll buy the booze, you bring your hypertension bottles. Fuck dem young dudes
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booznik
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
lol! Never seen that one before.mistah willies wrote:But ya gotta be medicated sometimes!
The two badass professors of badassery in one scene. Good stuff.
"Booznik. Smooth, classy and manatee-like." --Bur
"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow
"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies
"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo
"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow
"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies
"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo