Your day in a nutshell. Share please.

[Artful Drunktective]

My mixed up week in a nutshell:

Was preparing to travel. Got in Jeep. Wouldn't start. Missed my ferry.

Went back in the house after a tantrum and started drinking.

Malibu Laurie picked me up. Had more drinks with her at beach and she took me to harbor where I caught the next ferry 2 hours later.

Ferry ride was bumpy, complete with nauseated tourists and shrieking children. Always a blast!

Brother Linchpin picked me up from destination harbor and took me to the dump of a hotel to check in but my room wasn't ready.

Immediately we went to a nearby Mexican restaurant and had top shelf margaritas and an enormous cauldron of queso and chips. Got super buzzed.

Felt like complete and utter shit after that.

Then had to walk it off and kill time at a nearby mall where everyone was sitting around on benches texting on their phones. Quite puzzling.

Went to grocery store to buy booze for the hotel. Bought some Platinum Vodka that was on sale not realizing it was the perfect triangular size that amazingly fit in the hotel room tiny freezer.

Went to hotel pool to swim and the pool was fking closed for renos so I couldn’t do my work out.

Went back to room to drink aforementioned Platinum vodka. Packed some “to go” drinks and went to the beach. Saw a bunch of irritating people acting like they were Leo and Kate from “Titanic”. We had fun acting like MST3K: “No Honey I won’t go down on you here”.

Ordered take out pupu’s like wings and spring rolls so we wouldn’t have to drunkenly go inside an establishment and act like normal people.

Stumbled back to the hotel room to relax and drink some more and turned on the crappy cable TV and the only things on were a Karate Kid marathon, Rambo, surfing competitions, and the Guns n’ Roses live from London o2 concert or some shit where Slash wasn’t even there. It was super lame, even Oett wouldn’t approve. The worst part was it started over again once the first showing was done. It was almost like being in prison. Luckily there was booze.

Next day I did my running around and had a repeat. Bro took me to a local pool for my work out since the stupid hotel pool was closed. We had fun. A bunch of old people were in the pool doing water aerobics. Twas quite funny and we had more MST3K laughs. My bro was like “Damn there’s a bunch of old vag in that pool”. Haha.

Later that evening we stumbled into this Asian restaurant and tried to sit at the bar but we were told the bar was reserved for locals who were gonna watch Monday Night Football. We said no problemo but the entire time we were there…nobody came and sat at the fking bar. I guess nobody gives a crap about the Vikings. Had some really good honey walnut shrimp though.

Went back to hotel and packed up more “to go” drinks and went to the beach where construction workers were getting super high and drunk. Glad to know they are operating heavy machinery the next day. The entire floor at the hotel reeked of weed.

Another day we we hit up a sushi bar. Had a spicy ahi roll called a “911” with raw jalapenos on top which was pretty damn good. Also had some oyster shooters which was “amazeballs”. Super flavorful and garlicky if you are into that sort of thing.

Days later I finally made my way back to the harbor after riding a bus filled with hipsters and retarded people. The bus driver was driving at warp speed (ludicrous speed?) and then slam on the brakes when tourists would pull out in front of us. I was trying not to pull a Kramer from "Seinfeld" and not slip and slide across the bus floor. I was literally holding on the pole.

I finally got on the fking ferry and I was schlepping my back pack and a nice bag o’ booze I picked up that I can’t find in my local grocery stores (Macadamia nut liqueur for one. Try it, it’s good). When I purchased these said boozes at 8:30 a.m., the lady at the counter actually said to me "Wow you're starting early!" WTF. Funny thing was...I really wasn't!

On the ferry, I exhaustively set down all this crap on the chairs next to me after carrying everything. 3 seconds later this total douche that works on the boat was all up in my piece telling me I couldn’t do that and to put my crap under the seat because it was going to be a “full boat” and that I was taking up too many seats. Mind you, I’ve only ridden this freaking boat 2,208 times and I’ve never seen it full but I complied only to be sitting there on an empty fking boat. He’s just lucky I didn’t punt him overboard. Little fking newbie twerp. I think he had a star shaped badge on as the honorary newbie fighting evil people who enter the boat.

Overall...had some good drinks, good grindz, good company. good times. It was all good!

[Lush City]

My mixed up week in a nutshell:

Was preparing to travel. Got in Jeep. Wouldn't start. Missed my ferry.

Went back in the house after a tantrum and started drinking.
urs later

Malibu Laurie picked me up....

Holy Moly! This sounds like 'Fear and Loathing on Mainstreet Hawaii'. Book 'em Dano! You didn't run into the heat from what you tell. What a night!

[ThirstyDrunk]

AdUlt TaNtRum

[oettinger]

Grand post AD. I love it, but due to signal problems I only got this so far:


My week in a Jeep. Wouldn't Miss my ferry.

in the house started drinking.

Malibu Laurie Had more drinks 2 hours later.

ride was complete with a nearby Mexican

Felt like texting phones. Quite puzzling.

Went to grocery store to buy the hotel. not realizing it was the perfect triangular size
Went to hotel pool to drink Packed some “to go” people acting like they were Ordered spring rolls

Stumbled on the crappy cable TV from o2. in prison Luckily there was booze.

Next day I did Bro
Later that evening we tried to sit at the bar We said no problemo but I guess nobody gives a crap about the kings

Went back to hotel and packed up more “to go” construction workers super high and drunk. Glad to know The entire floor at the hotel reeked of weed.

Another day we we hit up shooters which was Super

Days later I finally was driving .

I finally got on the fking booze I picked up that I can’t find
3 seconds later boat was telling me I couldn’t crap under the seat it was going to be a “full boat” I was taking up too many seats.
Mind freaking 2,208 times I did punt overboard.

Overall...had some drinks

[Dear Booze]

Sorry Oett,

Your German intertron signal sucks. This is all i got:

Grand post AD. I love you.

Im a fairy.

Broke into Malibu Laurie's house because she's Mexican

Felt like fucking up all her stuff and taking a shit in her pillowcases.

Went to grocery store to try to wrangle hotel-size shampoo and soap. Threw up in pool.

Danced with the Village People. I was the construction worker. I sang lead on a cover of Springtime for Hitler and Germany.

Stumbled over an old crappy TV.

Next day I fucked a frat boy.

Later that evening we tried to sit at the bar but my ass hurt too bad to sit.

Went back to hotel and packed some construction workers into an ice chest. I buried them in the weeds.

Another day we we shot at hookers, which was Super!

Days later I was arrested for driving.

I finally got on the king size boat and exposed myself to children. I shared my drinks with them. I'm the devil.

[Lush City]

Another day in paradise. Jumbo vegetarian burrito for dinner, green salsa galore, plenty of beans but no gas!
Who knew?
Drinks all night, cheers!

[oettinger]

Got up, got drunk

[Nausea]

Woke up, drank the rest of the cheap whiskey. Feeling nice and goofy.

Going to wait until later to pick up some more so I can wake up at the appropriate hour for work rather than starting now and waking up at 1am.

PS: Singers are overglorified.

[Nausea]

Going to wait until later to pick up some more so I can wake up at the appropriate hour for work rather than starting now and waking up at 1am.

Ha. Well, that didn't last long. Bought some drink. Drinking some drink! Cheers.

[Badfellow]

Going to wait until later to pick up some more so I can wake up at the appropriate hour for work rather than starting now and waking up at 1am.

Ha. Well, that didn't last long. Bought some drink. Drinking some drink! Cheers.

In my official capacity as your advising anesthetist, I must approve of said method.

[oettinger]

Freaking buck crawled on the wall. Now I armed myself with chemical warfare! Thing doesn`t know what it started there. Let`s gas!

[Artful Drunktective]

Started drinking at 4 a.m. 'cause I have no concept of time, much less any remaining shreds of dignity.

Heard countless stories about a midget stripper. She now works at the Hole so please, go and see her perform. She likes beards and people farting in her face. Especially in elevators. Evidently she'll take a picture with your schlong in her hand to make it look bigger.

Heard countless chorus' of fart noises from simultaneous drunkards imitating the crop dustage of said midget.
According to Dear Booze, midgets don't approve of being called a midget...African American's...please. I believe that is the proper nomenclature of our times.

Witnessed the many weapons that will be utilized in the cross country prostitute burial trailer trip.
-I begged to borrow the scythe for my own self demise.

Watched NFL team lose. Dammit!

Went to my afternoon waitress shift at "Hooters".
Stinkfinger Steve and Jimmy Lester showed up and got quasi tipsy off some piña coladas and daiquiri’s. They requested a pole dance but I had to remind them they were in a wing establishment. Hey! This ain’t the Hole!! And I'm not Oldsmartskunk!!

Wanted to have a bit for dinner but super disappointed I didn't have any jumbo burritos with salsa verde from wherever Lush gets his from so I picked up an order of walrus balls from the Hole before my shift as Honorary Interim Wet t-shit Contest / Borat swimsuit Male Revue competition Judge.

Also super disappointed that no drunkards except Oett showed up to compete.

(Nausea, you'd think you woulda had time to stop in for some cheap whisky and a cat walk strut before you had to drop off whatever it is you have to drop off but whatever.)

Now I'm off to cash my hard earned check at the pawn shop and meet my parole officer. Hopefully since I haven't had any "mishaps" I will be free after "good behavior".
Then I may be able to travel out of state for the 2018 trip. :D

**Disclaimer: The identity of some certain drunkards have been protected.

[Lush City]

It was another day in drunkard paradise. There are people out there that hate me because I have it so good. Let them seethe!

[RIPT2.0]

I spent the day dealing with plumbing issues. When your house is 120 fucking years old, you have issues.

[Artful Drunktective]

I'm trying to pick out my clothes to wear to work tomorrow because I know in the morning I won't want to. In the off chance I may look like a normal human being. A professional.

HAHahahhHAHAhahahhahHahahahahahha.

I prefer the disheveled look. I think hipsters take notes from me.