Wine all over keyboard, you win. You idiot.Frankennietzsche wrote:What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your porch?
Matt
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your wall?
Art
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob
The Crappy Jokes thread!
Moderators: Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator, Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, oettinger, Judge
- Mr Boozificator
- Boozing Like Bukowski
- Posts: 4981
- Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2009 6:28 pm
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
"I never want to go to bed if there are still beers in the fridge, but then I am always hopeful that there are beers left in there when I wake up.". Thirstydrunk.
"We all look for happiness, but without knowing where to find it: like drunkards who look for their house, knowing dimly that they have one." Voltaire
"The prince of darkness is a gentleman." Shakespeare.
"We all look for happiness, but without knowing where to find it: like drunkards who look for their house, knowing dimly that they have one." Voltaire
"The prince of darkness is a gentleman." Shakespeare.
- Lush City
- Chugging Like Churchill
- Posts: 5092
- Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2012 7:55 pm
- Location: Nearest tiki lounge
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Yes, crappy jokes abound...
Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.
Why won't Hillary let her campaign staffers exercise?
She doesn't want them to "Feel The Bern".
Why is Hillary Clinton running for President? Because it's easier than running from Law Enforcement.
Why does Hillary prefer dogs to Bill Clinton?
A dog chases his own tail
Why shouldn't Republicans worry about losing in 2016?
Apparently depression is covered by Obamacare.
What do you call a Iowan who hates Hillary?
A CORNservative.
What was Hillary Clinton's last gift to Monica?
Spot remover.
Oh, please I can't take this crap anymore. Who the fuck started this thread anyway?
D'Oh!
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/ ... jokes.html
Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.
Why won't Hillary let her campaign staffers exercise?
She doesn't want them to "Feel The Bern".
Why is Hillary Clinton running for President? Because it's easier than running from Law Enforcement.
Why does Hillary prefer dogs to Bill Clinton?
A dog chases his own tail
Why shouldn't Republicans worry about losing in 2016?
Apparently depression is covered by Obamacare.
What do you call a Iowan who hates Hillary?
A CORNservative.
What was Hillary Clinton's last gift to Monica?
Spot remover.
Oh, please I can't take this crap anymore. Who the fuck started this thread anyway?
D'Oh!
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/ ... jokes.html
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Ha, a Lush post about Hitler:Lush City wrote:Yes, crappy jokes abound...
Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.
Why won't Hillary let her campaign staffers exercise?
She doesn't want them to "Feel The Bern".
Why is Hillary Clinton running for President? Because it's easier than running from Law Enforcement.
Why does Hillary prefer dogs to Bill Clinton?
A dog chases his own tail
Why shouldn't Republicans worry about losing in 2016?
Apparently depression is covered by Obamacare.
What do you call a Iowan who hates Hillary?
A CORNservative.
What was Hillary Clinton's last gift to Monica?
Spot remover.
Oh, please I can't take this crap anymore. Who the fuck started this thread anyway?
D'Oh!
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/ ... jokes.html
Hey Lushy my main man, what do you do after those elections?
Drink!
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
What do you call a man with no arms and legs on a stage?
Mike
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell
Mike
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
- Lush City
- Chugging Like Churchill
- Posts: 5092
- Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2012 7:55 pm
- Location: Nearest tiki lounge
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Rodney Dangerfield Stand Up Jokes
With my wife I don't get no respect.
I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'
The waiter joined me.
I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
I tell you, I'm not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!
What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/com ... jokes.html
With my wife I don't get no respect.
I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'
The waiter joined me.
I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
I tell you, I'm not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!
What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/com ... jokes.html
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
I read that with Rodney`s voice in my head, hilarious. Thank you
Drink!
- Lush City
- Chugging Like Churchill
- Posts: 5092
- Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2012 7:55 pm
- Location: Nearest tiki lounge
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Top 10 Hillary Clinton Jokes (Offensive)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0TQVqEI900
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0TQVqEI900
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
- ThirstyDrunk
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 12702
- Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2006 10:35 pm
- Location: Xenia
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
What's red and smells like blue paint?
red paint.
red paint.
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought
- ThirstyDrunk
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 12702
- Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2006 10:35 pm
- Location: Xenia
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It's an obscure number, you probably never heard of it.
It's an obscure number, you probably never heard of it.
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
42ThirstyDrunk wrote:How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It's an obscure number, you probably never heard of it.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
- ThirstyDrunk
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 12702
- Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2006 10:35 pm
- Location: Xenia
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
yep/ All Hitch hikers on your ass.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
- Lush City
- Chugging Like Churchill
- Posts: 5092
- Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2012 7:55 pm
- Location: Nearest tiki lounge
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
This joke goes back to when people smoked and asked each other for a light. This is the hallmark of a crappy joke when you have to explain it before you tell it. So, rest assured you are getting the crappiest of crappy jokes here.
Crappy joke:
"Hey buddy, how about a match"
"Ok, my ass and your face!"
Obviously this guy is having a bad day!
Crappy joke:
"Hey buddy, how about a match"
"Ok, my ass and your face!"
Obviously this guy is having a bad day!
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
- Savage
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 25434
- Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2003 1:16 am
- Location: All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
ThirstyDrunk wrote:What's red and smells like blue paint?
red paint.
Heh, oh, uh, wait? I don't get it.
(helpful friend whispers in my ear)
Ooh! It's 'cause, red and blue are like the same, only purple, right? And Mom thought I was slow. Showed that old bat, didn't I?
I just came back from my daughter's wedding, and Grumpy got steal-the-keys-from-the-old-man wasted on weakass Rose. This from a man who drinks a quart of bourbon every day. Go figure. I guess you should stick to the familiar, and avoid unfamiliar poisons. Luckily, I had my broom in the trunk, so we flew home. Wheee!
like tears in rain
- Lush City
- Chugging Like Churchill
- Posts: 5092
- Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2012 7:55 pm
- Location: Nearest tiki lounge
Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!
Why is Hillary Clinton running for President? Because it's easier than running from Law Enforcement.
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/ ... jokes.html
Why does Hillary prefer dogs to Bill Clinton? A dog chases his own tail
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/ ... jokes.html
Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning? She wants to be the first lady.
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/ ... jokes.html
That's enough! Can't take it anymore.
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/ ... jokes.html
Why does Hillary prefer dogs to Bill Clinton? A dog chases his own tail
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/ ... jokes.html
Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning? She wants to be the first lady.
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/ ... jokes.html
That's enough! Can't take it anymore.
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.