little known facts about Oettinger

[Bur]

His favorite penis is Ron Jeremy's.

That so, I always figured it'd be Harry Reems.

70s porn spoofs are absolute comedy gold, everyone who disagrees is a non-manatee seaweed hater and/or not drunk enough.

[mistah willies]

He's been secretly working with Lush City in NASAville to seed clouds
with vodka rain agents.

Sometimes, he leaves empty bottles outside in hopes that they fill up with lemon rain.

It usually turns out to be bum urine.

Keep the faith, young man. Someday, it will pay off!

Don't ask me what I end up with in these empty krkane bottles when I leave them out.

That black liquid is not sweet.

[ThirstyDrunk]

He can turn a sandwich into a banquet.

[Badfellow]

His girlfriend keeps using his mustache wax.

[ThirstyDrunk]

He nicknamed his penis "The USS Enter Thighs".

[Badfellow]

He chases his tequila with bath salts.

[Patchez]

He can braid his ear hair.

[ThirstyDrunk]

He can braid his ear hair.

With no hands.

[ThirstyDrunk]

His shadow is cast wherever he stands.

[ThirstyDrunk]

He is humbled by the mysteries of this world

[oettinger]

His drinking is a cry for help and no one takes notice.
Such a g*y fa*+ot

[ThirstyDrunk]

His parents learned quickly they should not lock him in the broom closet to guard the homebrew.

[mistah willies]

When he is passed out, his shadow goes out and gets into trouble.

[ThirstyDrunk]

Any alcoholic drink within a 12 ft perimeter will absorb into his pores given time.

[ThirstyDrunk]

meaning that the absorbtion of any drink can occur within an approximate area and proximity has bearing upon rate of osmosis.