Dead As Lizzie Borden's Father

TARTANSPECIAL · Post by **TARTANSPECIAL** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 10:31 pm

Lizzie's dad's dead!!!! Then who the hell was i talking to on Friday night??????

LuckyStrikes · Post by **LuckyStrikes** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 10:40 pm

TARTANSPECIAL wrote:Lizzie's dad's dead!!!! Then who the hell was i talking to on Friday night??????

You were talking to Lizzie's Uncle Dick. And he told me to tell you, he is definitely interested!

TARTANSPECIAL · Post by **TARTANSPECIAL** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 10:43 pm

LuckyStrikes wrote:
TARTANSPECIAL wrote:Lizzie's dad's dead!!!! Then who the hell was i talking to on Friday night??????
You were talking to Lizzie's Uncle Dick. And he told me to tell you, he is definitely interested!

As i told you before, i don't wear the kilt and i certainly don't lift it :P Well i would if the right female asked me

LuckyStrikes · Post by **LuckyStrikes** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 10:50 pm

TARTANSPECIAL wrote:
LuckyStrikes wrote:
TARTANSPECIAL wrote:Lizzie's dad's dead!!!! Then who the hell was i talking to on Friday night??????
You were talking to Lizzie's Uncle Dick. And he told me to tell you, he is definitely interested!
As i told you before, i don't wear the kilt and i certainly don't lift it :P Well i would if the right female asked me

Woo hoo!! Work it Tartan, work it! C'mon, a lil' higher...higher..higher..c'mon now..show it... higher...lift it...take it off...drop it!!...Oh yeah baby!!!!!

TARTANSPECIAL · Post by **TARTANSPECIAL** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 10:56 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
If you saw the state of this body, it would be for god sake put it down :P

Dan Quixote · Post by **Dan Quixote** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 10:59 pm

TARTANSPECIAL wrote:...If you saw the state of this body, it would be for god sake put it down :P

Dude, she's got her beer goggles on, don't ruin the illusion :twisted:

TARTANSPECIAL · Post by **TARTANSPECIAL** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 11:03 pm

The sight of me in a kilt would cause instant undrunkenness, take my word for it :P

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 11:11 pm

Lucky, who's your beautiful new avoirtwaat? She is so familiar. I'm thinking a silent movie actress, like Mae Murray. I must know, or I won't be able to sleep. And baddish things happen when I don't sleep...

Dan Quixote · Post by **Dan Quixote** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 11:12 pm

I wore a kilt, once... wasn't a pretty sight. It was for a recreation of a battle scene from Braveheart. There were so many of us mexicans walking around in blackwatch, we decided to form our own clan, the Scottsicans. Much drinking ensued.

TARTANSPECIAL · Post by **TARTANSPECIAL** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 11:15 pm

Savage Swiller wrote:Lucky, who's your beautiful new avoirtwaat? She is so familiar. I'm thinking a silent movie actress, like Mae Murray. I must know, or I won't be able to sleep. And baddish things happen when I don't sleep...

I thought it was Fay Wray, but what do i know :oops:

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 11:17 pm

Good old Fay! When last I saw her, she was dating some guy that was a real ape.

TARTANSPECIAL · Post by **TARTANSPECIAL** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 11:20 pm

Savage Swiller wrote:Good old Fay! When last I saw her, she was dating some guy that was a real ape.

And he let her down in the end :twisted:

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 11:37 pm

Dear Dr. Palinka:

I had a bump on my butt once. Some folk said it looked like the Virgin Mary. Many newspaper folk came by my humble cottage to interview me. I was photographed so many times that my buttocks got flash-burn. We couldn't even venture out to the compost heap, on account of the curious hordes thronging our property.

Eventually, the mysterious bump grew and mutated into something more closely resembling the profile of the great philosopher Der Comte de Grande de Delusionismus. Suddenly, the hordes diminished. The corn dog and cotton candy merchants packed up their kiosks, and left. I was forced to return to my previous employment, but the knitting master told me that my mittens were misshapen.

My little taste of fame had left me unfit for the life of an ordinary housewife. I prayed for guidance; dear lord, what could I do? Then one blessed morning, I awoke with a ferocious itch. As I clawed and scratched and moaned, I could not help but wonder: Could this be the beginning of my new career?

Well yes, it was! My lawyer/business manager forbids me to say anything more, but I believe that the travail I now undergo is also the means to a fat and sassy retirement fund. Wish me luck, MDMers!

Yer Pal, the Savage Swiller

OH! Postscript, and all that! Doc P, I totally forgot to ask you! What kind of ointment do you recommend for a nasty itch?

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 11:51 pm

Hello hello! I'm here. Grumpy is snoring beside me in my old recliner. I live in antiqueville, so liquor stores is closed now. I am tired. Old man hates it if I leave him to sleep in chair. Oh nurse! Oh nurse! Must bite off hand in trap to escape. Help!

No, must accept lot in life. Ha Ha Ha La La La! Life is good, life is swell; if I could, I'd kill mesell...

Just kidding folks.

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Tue Aug 26, 2003 11:56 pm

Well, not kidding. But damn sorry to be whining on y'all.

Dead As Lizzie Borden's Father

You say goodbye, I say hello