My number is up, I have been drafted as a Wingman

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H.P. Loveshaft
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My number is up, I have been drafted as a Wingman

Post by H.P. Loveshaft »

Every so often in ones life you are called upon to commit to an odious task, a task that you, yourself may have no stake or belief in. We do this not out of patriotism or to defend a personal ideal, we do this for our real friends. Tonight I am called upon by the last of my regular drinking buddies, who, although not adventurous and a relative lightweight, has nonetheless stood by me for the better part of two years 2-5 nights a week at our regular establishment. To his credit, he has fought valiantly when the occasion has risen, having taken part in the Beer Tower Record campaign, the Mystery Shots debacle, manned unqualified drinks during the many My Brother is in Town engagements, and allowed me to convalesce at his abode after my own personal victory at the Running of the Taps.

My friend, hereafter The Commander, has been thrown into a circumstance rarely, and bafflingly bestowed upon him: freelance recreational gynecology by way of ex girlfriend being in town. Initial recon suggests that the Commander has been out of action for upwards of two years now, thereby totally rebuffing Wingman 'Shaft's complaints of "it's been like a month goddammit". Reports also indicate that there may be 2-4 additional Hambeast class obstacles to the Commander's objective, to which Wingman 'Shaft has been instructed to neutralize "at all costs". Current mission projections stand at 50/50 for the Commander, who, for him, is approximately 50 better than usual. Odds are set to dramatically increase proprtionately to the ammount of free shots and fruity drinks are dispensed to the target.

Wish me luck, this more than likely will get ugly.
Jesus! You think Eddie Money has to put up with this shit?!

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Post by Peripat »

I'm confused (but then, the sun's coming up, I'm drunk and sleep-deprived, not to mention married and female, so there's probably some part of this I do not "get".

Is this a gynecological exercise, a military strategy, a bit of both, or (most probably) something altogether different?

Exhausted minds want to know...
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Post by Sgt. HSA »

Translation:

Friend has acted as wingman in past for HP.

Friend has not gotten laid in 2 years or so.

Friend's ex is in town, and is apparently coming out to have drinks with friend, which will hopefully enable friend to break the dry spell.

HP will act as friend's wingman and take one for the team if necessary; this appears likely, as apparently ex GF is bringing some not-so-attractive friends with.


I do admit I had to read it twice to unravel all the nuance.
Last edited by Sgt. HSA on Fri Sep 28, 2007 1:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by H.P. Loveshaft »

It's excusable when you're boozing it up on the other end of the Inat'l Date Line, Peri.

To put it blunt, I'm attempting to help a hard luck buddy get some action tonight.
Jesus! You think Eddie Money has to put up with this shit?!

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Post by Leftboston »

HP has to run a decoy mission for his wingman. Sounds like the target has friends riding shotgun to protect her weak willed womb from drunken assault. HP will have to divert the decepticon entourage so said comrade will be able to plunder booty.

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Post by H.P. Loveshaft »

Thanks Sarge, and sorry I'm a bit esoteric at times, too many dime store detective novels and the like.
Jesus! You think Eddie Money has to put up with this shit?!

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Post by BeerMakesMeSmart »

Basically it says that HP is gonna make out with some dude for free beer and a bean and cheese burrito.
I'll miss you, pallie.

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Post by Sgt. HSA »

H.P. Loveshaft wrote:Thanks Sarge, and sorry I'm a bit esoteric at times, too many dime store detective novels and the like.
Nah, I read the same stuff. I also do exceptional drunkenese to English translation.
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Post by Leftboston »

BeerMakesMeSmart wrote:Basically it says that HP is gonna make out with some dude for free beer and a bean and cheese burrito.
I smell fish tacos.

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Post by H.P. Loveshaft »

BMMS, you're on notice.
Jesus! You think Eddie Money has to put up with this shit?!

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Post by Sgt. HSA »

H.P. Loveshaft wrote:BMMS, you're on notice.
He survived being chased by Oggar last weekend, I doubt he's scared of anything now.
drink your fucking drink, Drunkards answer to no one

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Post by hjwhiskeyd »

Good huntin' brother. Those big targets are easier than they look to take out. You just don't want one charging you, though.

edit - left a word out, ehhh
Last edited by hjwhiskeyd on Fri Sep 28, 2007 1:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by Peripat »

Sgt. HSA wrote:
H.P. Loveshaft wrote:Thanks Sarge, and sorry I'm a bit esoteric at times, too many dime store detective novels and the like.
Nah, I read the same stuff. I also do exceptional drunkenese to English translation.
Ahhh yer both alright. It's not 6am where either of you is, though... filtering that degree of esotericism through my wine-soaked, exhausted brain, is harder than it looks! ;)

Oh, and hello from Saturday. Sarge, what time is it on the east coast? I want to call Mayhem and wish him a happy marriage before I pass out, if indeed this is possible... happy hunting, boys, and try not to hit any deer on your way home.
from now on everyone on this board is on DST, or Drunkard Standard Time. - Tesko
Politics is just politics, drunkenness is life itself - Sgt. HSA

Ghost Cars On The Freeway

H.P. Loveshaft
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Post by H.P. Loveshaft »

He survived being chased by Oggar last weekend, I doubt he's scared of anything now.
I'm just the messenger, I got this from a higher power.

Image


My graffx perseon screwed up a bit, but it gets the point across. I was going to have it Beer Makes YOU Smart, que sera.
Last edited by H.P. Loveshaft on Fri Sep 28, 2007 1:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Jesus! You think Eddie Money has to put up with this shit?!

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Post by BeerMakesMeSmart »

HAHAHAAHA!!!!! That's hysterical.
I'll miss you, pallie.

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