Drunkard Hygene...

[Negromancer]

I've gone quite some stretches without showering...

I had an apartment building partially catch fire. They wanted everyone to move out... but, I was leaving in like 3 weeks anyways, so I said fuck it and stayed there. There was soot and ash near the doors, and my apartment smelled like ass and there were some negative health consequences (headaches, cached eyes, etc.). However, there were some major benefits, mainly I didn't have to pay rent or utilities, so I drank nonstop.

During that period, I was grubby to the point that I was far beyond the whole being able to smell my balls very clearly whenever I sat down phase of dirty. My balls stank so bad that if I scratched them, even through the jeans, that I'd consciously try to relegate my left hand to ball/ass scratching... otherwise, every time I pulled a drag of sweet nicotine from a cig I'd just smell gross balls.

Mother of crap, that is some hysterical shit. Well, not for yer balls, covered in all that vermin and filth. (No, you didn't mention vermin, but I KNOW they were there at the party.) (In your case on the A list!)

You are the Duke of Dirt!

AAAAHAHAH! This is the best read I've had in ages.

[Savage]

OMG. Y'all are a bunch of P.I.G. PIGS! Of course I shower every day, wash the hair, etc... How the hell do you think I broke all the damn waterford tumblers, eh? I cry every time I think of all that bourbon down the drain.

[NYDingbat]

OMG. Y'all are a bunch of P.I.G. PIGS! Of course I shower every day, wash the hair, etc... How the hell do you think I broke all the damn waterford tumblers, eh? I cry every time I think of all that bourbon down the drain.

Bloody shame, that. One would think with "water" in their name they'd have the fortitude to stand up to a good sprinkling.

My mother and sister own some sissy Waterford as well. From now on we should call it Waterfairy.

[Uncle_Meat]

Was a Peace Corp volunteer back when I lived in Africa

off topic, but what the hell:

in the peace corps, it is said, if you're stationed in asia, you will become spiritual...if s. america, you'll become political. if you're stationed in africa, you'll become an alcoholic!

I think that about sums it up! You must have done time too. I met volunteers that had extended their commitments that had come from each of these regions to S. Africa where I was and the description is a perfect match. They left us African volunteers to explore the nether land of the colonial cities (mainly bars and brothels). They were a bunch of wimps except for one who came from Kingston Jamaica. Nothing to be proud of but I'm glad I did it. James A. Michener is envious. That was the '70's. Don't know what it's like now. I think it still has that organic smell...

[Wingman]

You must have done time too.

no, but a friend of mine did in the late 90s. got removed from zimbabwe when mugabe started killing whites. went to visit her in s.a.

fareed zakira recently asked the president of rwanda on cnn, and i'm quoting as best i can remember, "why is africa so messed up?" and his tone was like you could have substitued "fucked" for "messed." that is one screwed up continent. hmmm, maybe he said "screwed up," come to think of it.

[Duke Pukem Forever]

Tell us the maggots story, Uncle Puke!! Pretty puhleeeeeeeaaaaaasssssse?!!!

Well, this isn't really a singular event... for the eight or so months I was there, I'd find maggots every week.

To begin with, it was just a roommate, Fuckface-who-doesnt-pay-me-back, and myself. In the ghetto, flying the flag of the white minority.

Eventually, we had 6 people crashing on our floor.

Well, being in the ghetto, we were a spit away from CVS with a fantastic cheap booze selection. They had no less than 5 different flavors of Carlos Rossi, Thunderbird in THREE different sized bottles, various types of Wild Eye, etc.... cheap booze central, basically.

Being in the ghetto, the topic of drugs came up quite a bit. Namely because so many hard drinkers were in such a confined area, us males were often confined to piss outside. There the whores, who generally sold themselves from my "off street" parking, would offer their services. $10 blowjobs, $5 handjobs, and "what you want you need...."..... except for weed. Heroin? Yes. Crack? yes. Coke? Yes. Yet they'd always be nonplussed when you asked for some goddamned bud.

Well, while the whores were plying their trade, one of my crashers, her BF, and a good friend of mine decided to be hillbilly degenerates. We moved my furniture, minifridge, and CD player outside.... and proceeded to beer bong 100+ beers. The smell of beer was so strong a comrade commented he could smell it a block away. Several cases of High Life, Colt 45, and Beast...

It was in this environ I'd find maggots. Maggots everywhere. Maggots in the dirty dishes. Maggots in the bathroom. Maggots on the stove. Maggots on the toilet. Maggots under the damned fridge.

It was in this environ, as well, that I lived with black mold... and that comrades and myself smoked weed with visible mold on it. It was this environ that a crackhead broke into my apartment, and the slumlords didn't even bother to jimmy rig the fucking door for 4 days (leading to a an incredibly unusua, 1 hour plus, encounter with a raccoon), not to mention the months until it was actually fixed....

[old crow]

dude where the fuck do you live. they don't sell booze at CVS
edit, i can't even find thunderbird at sketchy ass liquor stores around gere cvs really? is that even true? cvs goddamn. i go there to buy dice when i lose mine. they always got dice. but booze at cvs?

[Dirty Lou]

I f-ing stink today. Gin comes right through my pores. I haven't had a shower since Monday mid-morning. I passed out drunk mid-day today. I meant to stay awake long enough to run away with the credit card. Unfortunately, I woke up to C going through my wallet. My feeble attempts at stopping her fell upon deaf ears. Luckily, she went grocery shopping shortly after that. 2 bottles of wine and a 750ml of Barardi Silver will keep me cool for the next 2 or 3 days.

Concerts in the park tomorrow, bithches.

I should have made off with the CC, but I was a weepy little sleepy bitch.

[incognito]

My hot water heater just recently broke to I've been taking showers here at work. I usually wake up during the week from a night of whooping it up at the bar and try to slide into the shower before I have to get close/work with others. It sucks but I'll have to cash to get it replaced sooner or later.

[felinamojokitty]

duke pukem is clearly quite a man amongst maggots

..and i bet he has a helluva strong immune system!

[Uncle_Meat]

Fuck! Living with maggots and mold is a whole lot worse than a smelly co-worker. A person could die (been there done that). Pretty soon you're puking and have a fever. Jeez, why not kill yourself now and avoid the medical bills? You need to drink more and maybe you can wake up dead and be done with this fucking mortal coil. Something I think about daily. That's the man's way out. Can't live in squalor and not be stoned unconscious.

CVS is the place to buy premium booze at a discount, at least here in L.A. Today I bought an 18 can handle of Bud light for $9 and a fifth of Ketel One vodka for $15. Where the hell are you going to find value like that? It's a deflationary cycle we are in and you better take advantage before the chickens come home to roost later this year when we will all be drinking bottom shelf because of hyperinflation.

[waahoohah]

I've been thinking for the last couple of days that a mouse had died in my kitchen.

Tonight, I did the dishes. No more rotting-corpse stink.

Hmm. How about that.

[Rumhead]

dude where the fuck do you live. they don't sell booze at CVS
edit, i can't even find thunderbird at sketchy ass liquor stores around gere cvs really? is that even true? cvs goddamn. i go there to buy dice when i lose mine. they always got dice. but booze at cvs?

I used to live in an oppressive southern state where liquor was sold only in liquor stores from 10AM-7PM Monday to Saturday. Now I live in California where you can buy it in CVS or pretty much anywhere else 24/7. I like California.

[Uncle_Meat]

dude where the fuck do you live. they don't sell booze at CVS
edit, i can't even find thunderbird at sketchy ass liquor stores around gere cvs really? is that even true? cvs goddamn. i go there to buy dice when i lose mine. they always got dice. but booze at cvs?

I used to live in an oppressive southern state where liquor was sold only in liquor stores from 10AM-7PM Monday to Saturday. Now I live in California where you can buy it in CVS or pretty much anywhere else 24/7. I like California.

6am to 2am only in CA. But what's 4 hours when you're passed out? But I do know of several that have gone into CVS after 2am and saw the cages drawn over the liquor shelves and purchased Listernine instead! That's 20% alcohol and they drank it. At least they were inadvertently becoming hygienic to some extent...

[MikeNZ]

After the 12th day, I couldn't even stand up in a shower, so I resorted to what I know best.
Damn that WD-40 makes great deoderant, after-shave and a refreshing mouth wash.
Just don't get it in your eyes.