How low can you go?
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Resident Asshole
- Drinking God's Good Scotch
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Re: How low can you go?
Pretty low, yes I can.
We had a b-day party for me at the house. Ex of mine showed and we went to the bar before the party. At the time I was dating two girls, neither of which was I committed to, but both of which wanted me to. Both girls showed up (in addition to my ex). I got pretty effing lit and then my ex told me she had a present for me (sitting on my lap at that time). She took me upstairs and we banged for a long time, because I couldn't get off. One of the girls I was dating opened the door (no lock) and I just kept banging. Then the other one opened the door and at that point I had given up on getting off, so I stopped (this was the hottest of the three who had opened the door). Went downstairs and my best friend tells me he just took a knife from the girl who had just opened the door.
Yikes. At that point my ex left in a hurry because she was getting dirty looks from everyone. I went outside and caught up with the hottie just as she was driving away. I convinced her she was too boozed to drive home and should stay with me. She ended up staying and we did it in the morning. It was quite the birthday.
We had a b-day party for me at the house. Ex of mine showed and we went to the bar before the party. At the time I was dating two girls, neither of which was I committed to, but both of which wanted me to. Both girls showed up (in addition to my ex). I got pretty effing lit and then my ex told me she had a present for me (sitting on my lap at that time). She took me upstairs and we banged for a long time, because I couldn't get off. One of the girls I was dating opened the door (no lock) and I just kept banging. Then the other one opened the door and at that point I had given up on getting off, so I stopped (this was the hottest of the three who had opened the door). Went downstairs and my best friend tells me he just took a knife from the girl who had just opened the door.
Yikes. At that point my ex left in a hurry because she was getting dirty looks from everyone. I went outside and caught up with the hottie just as she was driving away. I convinced her she was too boozed to drive home and should stay with me. She ended up staying and we did it in the morning. It was quite the birthday.
Bourbon is my blood.
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"Gren Label will rock on the show for me." bot rehan507
"women want to better express themselves. Dress up as their own performance this will be a lack of confidence." bot clshoo348
select backwards to God, his safekeeping a weapon homeopathy bold deed, president each opposite's cervix. bot klmn619
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ThirstyDrunk
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 12701
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- Location: Xenia
Re: How low can you go?
Pretty low, especially if you didn't wash your dick.
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought
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Mr Boozificator
- Boozing Like Bukowski
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Re: How low can you go?
I try to be evil, but sometimes I feel like a cute little puppy.Resident Asshole wrote:Pretty low, yes I can.
We had a b-day party for me at the house. Ex of mine showed and we went to the bar before the party. At the time I was dating two girls, neither of which was I committed to, but both of which wanted me to. Both girls showed up (in addition to my ex). I got pretty effing lit and then my ex told me she had a present for me (sitting on my lap at that time). She took me upstairs and we banged for a long time, because I couldn't get off. One of the girls I was dating opened the door (no lock) and I just kept banging. Then the other one opened the door and at that point I had given up on getting off, so I stopped (this was the hottest of the three who had opened the door). Went downstairs and my best friend tells me he just took a knife from the girl who had just opened the door.
Yikes. At that point my ex left in a hurry because she was getting dirty looks from everyone. I went outside and caught up with the hottie just as she was driving away. I convinced her she was too boozed to drive home and should stay with me. She ended up staying and we did it in the morning. It was quite the birthday.
"I never want to go to bed if there are still beers in the fridge, but then I am always hopeful that there are beers left in there when I wake up.". Thirstydrunk.
"We all look for happiness, but without knowing where to find it: like drunkards who look for their house, knowing dimly that they have one." Voltaire
"The prince of darkness is a gentleman." Shakespeare.
"We all look for happiness, but without knowing where to find it: like drunkards who look for their house, knowing dimly that they have one." Voltaire
"The prince of darkness is a gentleman." Shakespeare.
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Jiggers McCoy
- Inebriate Savant
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Re: How low can you go?
Should have invited the other chicks to join in!
• "Avoiding the darker alcohols like bourbon, red wine and dark rum might lessen [a hangover] and you might also dance better if you wear a tutu instead of trousers." - FKR
• "If you wanna 'talk about' my drinking, it better be about how fucking awesome it is." - Me
• "If you wanna 'talk about' my drinking, it better be about how fucking awesome it is." - Me
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NYDingbat
- Boozing Like Bukowski
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- Location: Face up. I think.
Re: How low can you go?
I've won a few limbo contests in several different countries and on a coupla cruise ships - is that low enough?
"I don't start the day. I continue the night."
- mistah willies
"What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?"
- W.C. Fields
- mistah willies
"What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?"
- W.C. Fields
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ThirstyDrunk
- Juicing Like Jackie
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- Location: Xenia
Re: How low can you go?
Oh yeah? Well I've beeen underground!How's that for low?
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought
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BBoozer
- Ten Feet Tall and Bulletproof
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- Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:14 am
- Location: In the promised land of Belgium
Re: How low can you go?
So you got down?NYDingbat wrote:I've won a few limbo contests in several different countries and on a coupla cruise ships - is that low enough?
Anyways, the old anthem goes: pics or it didn't happen.
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JohnnyT
Re: How low can you go?
Another lowdown, dirty night in Anaslime with Lou.
It started out clean, innocent, with high hopes as two old drinking buddies sat down to discuss the news of the day over a cocktail or 6 at Paul's.
However, Dirty Lou mentioned Anaheim, and it was then that I knew what would become of the night.
Taxi Joe (our 400 lb cabbie) briefed us on all the rub and tug places on our way over to Brookhurst.
I was molested by a 60 year old Vietnamese broad with the best fake boobs you ever saw.
The Mexican hooker was pretty much having a three-way with these two greasy dudes across the bar, then came over and put her boobs in my face. I was slightly repulsed.
Another really disgusting tramp showed us her huge nipples and I made the very bad mistake of buying her a drink. And that's all I have to say about that.
The fact that these disgusting places and events occur within a stone's throw of Disneyland somehow always makes me smile.
Louie disappeared at some point. Still havent heard from him, though C says he is ok.
I woke up late for work and naked in a motel room with Denny's takeout littered around the room. Fortunately (unfortunately?) I was alone.
It started out clean, innocent, with high hopes as two old drinking buddies sat down to discuss the news of the day over a cocktail or 6 at Paul's.
However, Dirty Lou mentioned Anaheim, and it was then that I knew what would become of the night.
Taxi Joe (our 400 lb cabbie) briefed us on all the rub and tug places on our way over to Brookhurst.
I was molested by a 60 year old Vietnamese broad with the best fake boobs you ever saw.
The Mexican hooker was pretty much having a three-way with these two greasy dudes across the bar, then came over and put her boobs in my face. I was slightly repulsed.
Another really disgusting tramp showed us her huge nipples and I made the very bad mistake of buying her a drink. And that's all I have to say about that.
The fact that these disgusting places and events occur within a stone's throw of Disneyland somehow always makes me smile.
Louie disappeared at some point. Still havent heard from him, though C says he is ok.
I woke up late for work and naked in a motel room with Denny's takeout littered around the room. Fortunately (unfortunately?) I was alone.
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JohnnyAngst
- Souse
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Re: How low can you go?
Hey J, Trust me... you're always better off waking up alone. Hopefully without your store of booze depleted.
"He saw the bottle quite clearly, it stood in the dark atop the dresser and it was just an extremely narrow, bright strip of light. That was the bottle, a bright strip of light in the darkness." - Heinrich Böll
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Frankennietzsche
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Re: How low can you go?
Mammoth Cave, yo! Spelunking represent!ThirstyDrunk wrote:Oh yeah? Well I've beeen underground!How's that for low?
“Süßen witwe Mutter-Hosen — kommst du hier mit mein knackenpfeife schnell, oder Ich zeige Ihnen mein Zuhälter Hand!”
"I am going to pistol-whip the next person who says 'shenanigans' "
"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"
"I am going to pistol-whip the next person who says 'shenanigans' "
"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"
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Savage
- Juicing Like Jackie
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- Location: All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
Re: How low can you go?
How low can I go? Well, every once in a while, I go to bed/pass out under the desk, without showering first. But it's okay. I wear lots of perfume, so I smell sort of like a stinky French whore when I wake up/come to.
like tears in rain
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Shmoo
- Chugging Like Churchill
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Re: How low can you go?
These stories always make me smile. For real folks. I can still smile.
"next time i bust a load on the road, i'll try and save you a brick. " - Casino
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Chimneyfish
- Boozing Like Bukowski
- Posts: 4026
- Joined: Thu May 24, 2007 1:22 am
- Location: California
Re: How low can you go?
This thread:
J. Tequila wrote:Anyway, I'm glad she stopped crying because I don't know if I could have banged her while she was crying.
Re: How low can you go?
There is only one rule to be followed in such circumstances.Riddeford wrote:She was petite yet her face made me want to look away..look towards the horizon..if I could ever find it...so I started having a few drinks and she comes up to chat once in a while but I could tell she was waiting. I remember thinking, she's horrid Riddeford, you can't possible be thinking...and then the drunken devil inside says "Do it!"
Cover the face, fuck the base.
To sit down with these men and deal with them as a representative of an enlightened and civilized people is to deride one's own dignity and to invite the disaster their treachery will bring upon us - Gen. Ridgeway