Your longest hazy mile?

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BritishSte
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Your longest hazy mile?

Post by BritishSte »

Hey all,

Just wanting some stories of any "long walks home" you've had when you're drunk. You know the tale, you spent your taxi money, and you just need your bed.

In my opinion, mine is epic for it's sheer lowness :D

Happened about 5 months ago, the day I finished college. Me and some like minded friends were drinking all through the last day of college, whiskey out of fruit shoot bottles. We ran off into an empty field, 1pm - we continued to drink 2 bottles of whiskey. Popped off to the off-license (We were all 18, if it matters) and bought some sambuca and coke. Had that and decided it was a great idea to get a taxi into town. Got there and realized we didn't have that much money, so we bought 2 bottles of the cheapest dirt shit vodka and decided to get another taxi back where we were before :S. Managed to finish those two off, and by then it's 5am.

Now my college was 16 miles away from my house, 2 buses, the busses weren't running at this time and I needed to get home, I was fucking freezing and completely out of it. I actually walked home :S Don't ask me how...

Got in, spam sandwich, and slept the day away.

Epic.

Any stories? :D

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Judge
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Re: Your longest hazy mile?

Post by Judge »

What's a fruit shoot bottle? And good on the spam. Now, you forgot to tell us about the blood. How much did you bleed and do you remember how it happened?
Proverbs 31:6&7

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"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane"-Marcus Aurelius

And afterwords we can run amok! Or if you're too tired, we can walk amok.

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DeeboCools
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Re: Your longest hazy mile?

Post by DeeboCools »

I'll get back to you but it was a hell of a story
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MethFront
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Re: Your longest hazy mile?

Post by MethFront »

St. Patrick's Day, couple years back. I had spent the day pub-crawling with coworkers through the icy streets of a recently snow-covered Hoboken. At some point I had been flagged at bar... 12? Maybe. They tell me I was having a wonderful time.

I pulled an Irish goodbye, apt for the holiday, I suppose. I just like vanishing.

I believe I made it to within the vicinity of the PATH station with minimal "falling ass over tea-kettle" action. I remember at least one great save.

As I said, the sidewalks, where they existed and had been plowed, were rather treacherous. Ice had melted over ice had melted over snow and roads ended in chest-high frozen dunes, slick as greased glass, sending my stumbling ass to retrace my steps and attempt my trek once more using a different path through the snow-swept labyrinth.

I scaled a fence in full view of several policemen. I remember this only because the foolish thought, "Why aren't these assholes giving me a hand?" stayed fresh in my mind. I made my way through the parking lot I had climbed into. It brought me closer to the station, but I was separated by slippery drifts and a ten-foot chain-link fence. I was also much closer to the law enforcement officers. I climbed the fence anyway, and they offered neither help nor hindrance.

The PATH station and the subsequent ride home are not memorable to me. The taxi stand quoted some ridiculous length of wait time, so I set off on foot. My town and its neighbors were better plowed, and I remember that the sidewalks were, for the most part, clear. For the first part of my walk, every ten yards or so, I stopped, turned and attempted to empty my gut.

I don't recall ever consuming any food that day, and so my stomach's contents were hot and liquid. By the time I'd passed beneath a large highway that marked my journey but scant begun, I was finished. After that I have no recollection 'til then I found myself at the summit of the hill above my home.

These are the snippets of memory that remain. What I remember most sharply is the tumble I took halfway down that steep descent. One stretch of walk unshoveled, one drunk booking down a hill, one hand clamped to fedora to protect it against the wind, the other clenching shut his black leather duster. My boots left the earth, I hovered in the air and landed hard enough to rob my lungs of breath. I laid there, considering the option of sleeping there until spring thaw and remembering a similar Peanuts strip from decades back.

Apparently, I got myself up, shook myself off and made it the rest of the way home, up the stairs, into my lair and off to bed.

My back hurt for two weeks... which is how I managed to recollect this event at all.
Be safe everyone.

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Wingman
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Re: Your longest hazy mile?

Post by Wingman »

these are both about other guys, but what the hell? easier to rember their stories than mine, sometimes. and they serve that function for me. ah, friends.

one buddy, call him mike, had been drinking all night with call him tim (see story #2). mike decides tim is trying to steal the girl mike is chatting up, takes off. not having cab fare, he walks home. from downtown to his house is less than five miles, but it's through some of the worst neighborhoods in town. when he gets home, he leaves virulent, bile-filled, ranting messages on tim's, and--for some reason, my--answering machines (remember those?). the next morning, he's bloody, rembers falling twice, remembers no phone calls, and is pretty sure he walked right through the middle of a drug deal.

another time tim and i started our evening's endrunkening at sunset with a wet willie's aptly named "call-a-cab." after many bars and beverages, it's last call, and tim is trying to convince the bouncer of the place we're at that, as he's going home with the bartender (who shows no interest in him), he'll be staying at the bar after close. the bouncer is getting irritated, so instead of having him do it, i manhandle tim to the street (what are friends for, right?) tim takes offence to this and punches me in the stomach. i'm much fitter than he, and he's not exactly coordinated at this point, so though this didn't hurt, it seemed poor thanks for saving him from the bouncer using his head to open the door and test the sidewalk. so i let him get in a cab and leave.
next day, i'm talking to tim's roommate, who says he was watching tv when tim runs in and upstairs to his room, passes out. few minutes later the doorbell rings. roommate answers it, it's the cab driver...with tim's wallet. he'd dashed out of the cab a block away, but left his wallet in the backseat. the driver said he'd taken what he needed, and was bringing it to the address on the license.

ah, booze...is there nothing you can't make interesting?
Stupid should hurt.

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Savage
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Re: Your longest hazy mile?

Post by Savage »

No walk, but I did try (actually, succeeded) to force my car to reverse up a 45 degree incline, with the parking brake engaged. I sure loved that car.
like tears in rain

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Re: Your longest hazy mile?

Post by Fred O'Lisby »

I used to walk about 45 minutes to and hour from downtown to a couple places I lived. The main problem with this was the lack of sidewalks, and tons of tall thick weeds. Never done anything near 16 miles, that's a pretty damn good. Reminds of a story my friend's dad told me about when he was in the army. Came back to base drunk around late morning with torn and bloody pants after an 8 or ten mile trek, or something to that effect. The guy had a first class mustache anyways.
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Savage
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Re: Your longest hazy mile?

Post by Savage »

not gonna touch that story with someone else's ten foot pole.
like tears in rain

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Re: Your longest hazy mile?

Post by fizzmaster »

A little over 10 years ago, in Montreal, when I was 19, I decided to go off and do some solo exploring at like 1 a.m. after drinking all day. I had this brand new (to me anyway, the thing is from the 70s) pimp daddy plaid and sheepskin coat (which I still have!), and I was feeling really cocky, being a 19 year old American drunk off his ass in Montreal. I managed to get lost and wind up wayyyyyy down at the bad end of St. Catherine Street. I noticed that the strip clubs were all male, and all these young men were following me. Mostly asking me for money. I tried to look as straight as possible and kept walking. Oh yeah, I should mention that this was in January and it was about 0 degrees. I kept walking, and the street kept getting nastier. Finally, as I was walking by a nasty, burned out building, a black dude and a black lady came out of the building. The lady said "I like your coat. Its a nice coat for walking the streets." The guy said, in very broken English, "You like her, you take her! She'll keep you warm!" I said thanks but no thanks and kept walking. After what seemed like hours of being completely lost and freezing my ass off, I found my way back to the hotel. All my friends were passed out and someone had piled tons of stuff on my hotel roommate Steve, who was snoring at decibels closer to the sound emitted by a jetliner than from a human nose. I laughed my ass off at the sight of him with a giant pile of boots, beer cans, movies, etc., rising and falling with every snore. I looked at a map the next day and figured out that I had walked around 10 miles.
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MethFront
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Re: Your longest hazy mile?

Post by MethFront »

fizzmaster wrote:I managed to get lost and wind up wayyyyyy down at the bad end of St. Catherine Street.
There's a good end?
Be safe everyone.

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Uncle_Meat
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Re: Your longest hazy mile?

Post by Uncle_Meat »

I used to live in Davis Ca. as a drunk grad student. One nite leaving my favorite bar, I realized I was too drunk to drive home. Yes, really wasted hardly even walking straight. So, I walked straight N. until I realized I was on the wrong side of town. I was lucky because this was a middle class bedroom community so I just turned West and eventually found my bed. Ho fucking hum...
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Judge
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Re: Your longest hazy mile?

Post by Judge »

Savage wrote:No walk, but I did try (actually, succeeded) to force my car to reverse up a 45 degree incline, with the parking brake engaged. I sure loved that car.
Not as much as it ended up hating you. Good going girl.
Proverbs 31:6&7

"Pain is sometimes the price of laughter."-Oggar

CPE1704TKS

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane"-Marcus Aurelius

And afterwords we can run amok! Or if you're too tired, we can walk amok.

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