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Judge
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Ask Savage

Post by Judge » Sat Aug 28, 2010 11:27 pm

Dear Ms. Savage,

I have a wonderful wife and children, so so son in laws and great grandchildren. Is it wrong to want to blow them all off and buy a bike and take off traveling and boozing until the charge cards and bank accounts are all empty ending up selling the bike in some dirtbag town in eastern Ohio mooching beers off barhags that think I must be something because I'm still talking to them at 3am leaving said family to fend for themselves into abject poverty?

Or should I go for it?
Proverbs 31:6&7

"Pain is sometimes the price of laughter."-Oggar

CPE1704TKS

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane"-Marcus Aurelius

And afterwords we can run amok! Or if you're too tired, we can walk amok.

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slushfund
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by slushfund » Sun Aug 29, 2010 4:46 am

Yes

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Savage
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Savage » Sun Aug 29, 2010 4:56 am

slushfund wrote:Yes
You're not Savage, so fuck off.
like tears in rain

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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Savage » Sun Aug 29, 2010 4:59 am

Judge wrote:Dear Ms. Savage,

I have a wonderful wife and children, so so son in laws and great grandchildren. Is it wrong to want to blow them all off and buy a bike and take off traveling and boozing until the charge cards and bank accounts are all empty ending up selling the bike in some dirtbag town in eastern Ohio mooching beers off barhags that think I must be something because I'm still talking to them at 3am leaving said family to fend for themselves into abject poverty?

Or should I go for it?
Of course you should! And the twelve different STDs, skin diseases, nagging cough, and bleeding from various orifices that you'll have, when you come crawling home with your joystick in your shoe, will be something you can remember the experience by.
like tears in rain

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slushfund
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by slushfund » Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:56 am

Savage wrote:
slushfund wrote:Yes
You're not Savage, so fuck off.
Isn't she wonderful, ladies and gentleman? Give her a big hand.

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GetDrunkStayDrunk
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by GetDrunkStayDrunk » Sun Aug 29, 2010 9:11 am

"I left my wonderful family for the booze. I mean, I knew they were great and all, I just didn't see a problem with it. I hopped on my motorcycle and started cruising the country trying to find the bottom of that bottle, never seemed to come though. Eventually the credit cards were maxed, the vacation fund was dry and the 401K is a thing of the past now. So here I am about 60 miles from anywhere in Ohio, the bikes been pawned, I have to keep my junk in my pocket because it fell off thanks to some questionable decisions but it's OK because 'Debbie the Toothless Wonder' still likes me. My name is Judge and I am not a mormon."

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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Milspec » Sun Aug 29, 2010 9:46 am

Dear Ms. Savage,

My wife enacted a new policy- she wont have sex with me if i've been drinking. Even one beer! To me the choice is obvious, but how can i convince her to repeal?

thanks.
"Trinke liebchen, trinke schnell, trinken macht die augen hell!"

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Re: Ask Savage

Post by peetie44 » Sun Aug 29, 2010 2:19 pm

Dear Ms Savage,

My cat just knocked over my last glass of bourbon. How should I deal with this?
"Man i once bought $101 worth of insect candy because it was free shipping on orders over 100 bucks." -- ThirstyDrunk

"I wanted a shark high on crack dumped into a piranha tank! I wanted college AD's to pull their human faces off, then dive at each other's lizard throats!" -- waahoohah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q01p7k6T ... e=youtu.be

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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Savage » Sun Aug 29, 2010 9:00 pm

Milspec wrote:Dear Ms. Savage,

My wife enacted a new policy- she wont have sex with me if i've been drinking. Even one beer! To me the choice is obvious, but how can i convince her to repeal?

thanks.
Spike her ovaltine. Then do that voodoo, that you do, and make her beg for your attentions.
like tears in rain

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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Savage » Sun Aug 29, 2010 9:05 pm

peetie44 wrote:Dear Ms Savage,

My cat just knocked over my last glass of bourbon. How should I deal with this?
Killing the cat is out of the question. But it is a notion that would, fleetingly, cross my mind. (S'okay. I'd feel the same way if it was Grumpy.)
No. What you must do is, speak firmly to the cat, explaining to its walnut-sized brain that bourbon is not for spilling. To reinforce this message, let the tiny beast has a sniff of your drink. If your cat is anything like mine, you will no longer have to worry about spillage, but instead, have to guard your glass against feline pillage.
like tears in rain

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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Savage » Sun Aug 29, 2010 9:06 pm

slushfund wrote:
Savage wrote:
slushfund wrote:Yes
You're not Savage, so fuck off.
Isn't she wonderful, ladies and gentleman? Give her a big hand.
So I guess this means you're not leaving me the car in your will anymore?
like tears in rain

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Mr Boozificator
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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Mr Boozificator » Mon Aug 30, 2010 4:25 am

Dear Ms Savage, I have recently met a wonderful young American lady and I am willing to give her care and attention for the rest of her days. Our problem is that our love has to remain secret because her mother is being worried by our age difference. Do you think I should break the sweet mama the news or do you think I should just run away with girl, and more importantly, if I'd come, with say, a cask of Pappy Van Winckle, do you think that would help me rest my case ?
"I never want to go to bed if there are still beers in the fridge, but then I am always hopeful that there are beers left in there when I wake up.". Thirstydrunk.

"We all look for happiness, but without knowing where to find it: like drunkards who look for their house, knowing dimly that they have one." Voltaire

"The prince of darkness is a gentleman." Shakespeare.

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Re: Ask Savage

Post by slushfund » Mon Aug 30, 2010 6:21 am

Savage wrote:
So I guess this means you're not leaving me the car in your will anymore?
Like I told you before, I can't put you in my will unless you give me your real name and address.

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Re: Ask Savage

Post by peetie44 » Mon Aug 30, 2010 2:14 pm

Dear Ms Savage,

What is the capital of ancient Mesopotamia?
"Man i once bought $101 worth of insect candy because it was free shipping on orders over 100 bucks." -- ThirstyDrunk

"I wanted a shark high on crack dumped into a piranha tank! I wanted college AD's to pull their human faces off, then dive at each other's lizard throats!" -- waahoohah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q01p7k6T ... e=youtu.be

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Re: Ask Savage

Post by Savage » Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:38 am

peetie44 wrote:Dear Ms Savage,

What is the capital of ancient Mesopotamia?
I dunno, but this is the number one on their hit parade

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAMRTGv82Zo
like tears in rain

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