Ask Savage

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Sun Sep 12, 2010 10:28 pm

peetie44 wrote:Dear Ms Savage,

I always have a bottle of whisky around and I am very careful not to crack the glass so I'm sure it doesn't leak. I'm also extra careful not to leave the stopper out of the bottle and let it evaporate; yet somehow my whisky keeps disappearing every day or two.

What could be causing this?

-----Confused & Concerned

Look to your left. Look to your right. Is there a glass in your hand? Drink it. That's where your whiskey goes. Replenish at your local candy store.

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Sun Sep 12, 2010 10:33 pm

Mr Boozificator wrote:Dear miss Savage,

Tomorrow is a school day and I don't want to go. Can you write a note for my boss explaining how fragile I am and can I hide at your place?

I'll tell him you're busy purging your porn stash on your computer, before the Feds arrest you.

Post by **Mr Boozificator** » Mon Sep 13, 2010 2:11 am

Wel, in the end I just remembered that I am the boss and did not have to go, but thanks anyway.

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Mon Sep 13, 2010 2:20 am

Tom (Grumpy) is the boss, but I had such great plans for him. He didn't listen to me, and so he has to go to work every day. Silly man... but who listens to their wife?

Post by **Mr Boozificator** » Mon Sep 13, 2010 2:22 am

Savage wrote:Tom (Grumpy) is the boss, but I had such great plans for him. He didn't listen to me, and so he has to go to work every day. Silly man... but who listens to their wife?

I used to, shouldn't have, it drove her insane apparently.

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Mon Sep 13, 2010 2:56 am

Well, I went 'round the bend years ago, but the old man hasn't noticed. Seriously, I was almost a nun. I would have been good at that.

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Mon Sep 13, 2010 3:00 am

Or maybe a librarian. I do like books.

Smatter Noguts · Post by **Smatter Noguts** » Mon Sep 13, 2010 4:10 pm

Dear Penthouse Forum,

I can't believe it happened to me, but a visit to an irregular Pakistani booze store resulted in me getting a Bottle of WT80 instead of WT101; the little fucker had it wrapped in paper before I got back from the beer aisle, and I didn't discover it until I reached the cabin 30 miles distant and then I drank the whole thing down so I can't bring it back intact but got charged for the high-test shit for sure and I'm upset and confused.
So my question is: Who do the Lions start at quarterback next week now that Stafford is out?

captain gonzo · Post by **captain gonzo** » Mon Sep 13, 2010 5:19 pm

I seem to keep drinking all my booze...and that makes me happy....any thoughts on how i can get more booze but spend less cash?

felinamojokitty · Post by **felinamojokitty** » Tue Sep 14, 2010 10:42 pm

savage.. is there any hope in this world other than bourbon and booze??

i thought not....heh

Resident Asshole · Post by **Resident Asshole** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 7:49 am

Smatter Noguts wrote:Dear Penthouse Forum,

I can't believe it happened to me, but a visit to an irregular Pakistani booze store resulted in me getting a Bottle of WT80 instead of WT101; the little fucker had it wrapped in paper before I got back from the beer aisle, and I didn't discover it until I reached the cabin 30 miles distant and then I drank the whole thing down so I can't bring it back intact but got charged for the high-test shit for sure and I'm upset and confused.
So my question is: Who do the Lions start at quarterback next week now that Stafford is out?

They will probably start Bill Ford but I would like to see Stanton get some play.

Post by **NYDingbat** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 5:50 pm

Resident Asshole wrote:
Smatter Noguts wrote:Dear Penthouse Forum,

I can't believe it happened to me, but a visit to an irregular Pakistani booze store resulted in me getting a Bottle of WT80 instead of WT101; the little fucker had it wrapped in paper before I got back from the beer aisle, and I didn't discover it until I reached the cabin 30 miles distant and then I drank the whole thing down so I can't bring it back intact but got charged for the high-test shit for sure and I'm upset and confused.
So my question is: Who do the Lions start at quarterback next week now that Stafford is out?
They will probably start Bill Ford but I would like to see Stanton get some play.

Dear Savage,

How do we get Smatter and Asshole to stop talking about make believe football teams?

Smatter Noguts · Post by **Smatter Noguts** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 6:51 pm

NYDingbat wrote:
Resident Asshole wrote:
Smatter Noguts wrote:Dear Penthouse Forum,

I can't believe it happened to me, but a visit to an irregular Pakistani booze store resulted in me getting a Bottle of WT80 instead of WT101; the little fucker had it wrapped in paper before I got back from the beer aisle, and I didn't discover it until I reached the cabin 30 miles distant and then I drank the whole thing down so I can't bring it back intact but got charged for the high-test shit for sure and I'm upset and confused.
So my question is: Who do the Lions start at quarterback next week now that Stafford is out?
They will probably start Bill Ford but I would like to see Stanton get some play.

Dear Savage,

How do we get Smatter and Asshole to stop talking about make believe football teams?

Mr. Asshole and myself will be in the environs of East Lansing this coming Saturday night within visual range of the Notre Dame and Michigan State football squads (well, he in front of a bar TV screen and I in row 42, section 26 of Spartan Stadium) and it doesn't get more real than that, baby.

An 8 pm start is gonna mean a lot of fucked up tailgaters such as myself, so the imagination might play some role.

I don't think Savage pays attention to this thread anymore, besides, she knows less about football than she does about Bourbon.

Curb Feeler · Post by **Curb Feeler** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 7:40 pm

Dearest of Savages,

I've noticed Jimmy Johnson has fallen in social standing as of late. He's "competing" on the new Survivor, and he's also peddling boner pills for Extenz, or however you spell it. How does the once proud oompa loompa of a Cowboys coach fall so far so fast? I have my theories of course, fake hair of that magnitude must cost a fortune, but surely he hasn't bankrupted himself already.

More importantly, does Jimmy Johnson call his Johnson, Jimmy?

Sincerest whatevers and a fine howdoyoudo,

Curb Feeller

Post by **NYDingbat** » Wed Sep 15, 2010 7:52 pm

College football. That's aDORable! I've been to numerous Army games but that's only to support our brave future Soldiers. I'm spoiled with all the pro teams nearby I guess. Or just an asshole who can throw that around. I report. You decide.

I like your fucked up tailgater angle. So the tailgating thing - you guys go all out, or what? I've hung with a buncha different guys in the Meadowlands that bring it. A standout - a gang that brings a friggin' LIVING ROOM to tailgate. No shit - in the parkin' lot - the couch, loveseat, coffee table, rug, the whole schmear, even the friggin' DOG to their tailgate spot. You can imagine the food these guys have.

Though I imagine all will say theirs is da best - as you should. Feel free to submit gastronomic suggestions.

Oh, and, not for nothin', insulting Savage about bourbon? Do you have a carry permit?

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