i deserve the shame i carry, and i must confess

[greygoose]

i've made veiled reference to a drunken deed (i.e. getting 86'd from a grocery store) in a thread or two, and i must bare my soul. on a weekender over at bluespook's (who by the way, thanks to his calm demeanor in crisis time, is the only reason i didn't get hauled away by the police), i engaged in totally shameful behavior which i hope won't be logged on my drunkard score card.

the scene: 'spook and i roll to the local grocery for provisions of the liquid variety. we get a cart and start toward the frozen food aisle when I suddenly remember that there's a huge childhood obesity problem in the u.s. why do i remember this? because we almost walk past/walk past (the memory's a bit hazy) a kid that couldn't be more than 11 with, i'm assuming were her parents or grandparents, whatever and she easily outweighed my 13 and 4 y.o. combined. so, in the way that only i can manage to fuck up something routine as going to the grocery store, i lightly pinched her chubby (no, fat) belly and whispered 'lose a little weight'.

so we continue down the frozen food aisle and dad/granddad approaches me, with all due cause. he had every right to throw my dumb ass through the glass door housing the beloved totino's pizza rolls. but he was an absolute gentleman. i apologized to him and swore that i'd apologize to his daughter/granddaughter on the way out and everything seemed to be cool.

then the manager is running down the aisle after 'spook and me yelling about 'assault' and the fact that she's already called the police (at least this is the way i'm remembering it), so 'spook suggests we get the hell up outta dodge before the cops arrive.

i did apologize to the crying child on the way out, though.

what say you, jury?

[BigDog49]

Wait.. what flavor were the pizza rolls?

[fiyah]

I've been frying pizza rolls lately, crispy on the outside.. Must get back to Costco for the 50lb bag..

[Mayhem]

I haven't had a pizza roll in four years.

[BigDog49]

I haven't had a pizza roll in four years.

Now that is a REAL shame right there.

[ChiliDawg]

i've made veiled reference to a drunken deed (i.e. getting 86'd from a grocery store) in a thread or two, and i must bare my soul. on a weekender over at bluespook's (who by the way, thanks to his calm demeanor in crisis time, is the only reason i didn't get hauled away by the police), i engaged in totally shameful behavior which i hope won't be logged on my drunkard score card.

the scene: 'spook and i roll to the local grocery for provisions of the liquid variety. we get a cart and start toward the frozen food aisle when I suddenly remember that there's a huge childhood obesity problem in the u.s. why do i remember this? because we almost walk past/walk past (the memory's a bit hazy) a kid that couldn't be more than 11 with, i'm assuming were her parents or grandparents, whatever and she easily outweighed my 13 and 4 y.o. combined. so, in the way that only i can manage to fuck up something routine as going to the grocery store, i lightly pinched her chubby (no, fat) belly and whispered 'lose a little weight'.

so we continue down the frozen food aisle and dad/granddad approaches me, with all due cause. he had every right to throw my dumb ass through the glass door housing the beloved totino's pizza rolls. but he was an absolute gentleman. i apologized to him and swore that i'd apologize to his daughter/granddaughter on the way out and everything seemed to be cool.

then the manager is running down the aisle after 'spook and me yelling about 'assault' and the fact that she's already called the police (at least this is the way i'm remembering it), so 'spook suggests we get the hell up outta dodge before the cops arrive.

i did apologize to the crying child on the way out, though.

what say you, jury?

Well, Goose, this Juror says "DICK MOVE," if your tale is factual; however, say 4 "our Jerry's" and I'll let ya' go.....and sin no mo.

[felinamojokitty]

pinching children can get you registered as a sex offender

it ain't like the olden days where you could pinch a kid outright but wait that was on the cheek of the facial kind..

roasting children is another story

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEalL-toaPI

[fizzmaster]

Way to completely traumatize somebody! And we wonder where the dries come from...
Eh, there is a fucking obesity epidemic in this country, and these kids DO need to lose some weight, but still, that shit is pretty horrendous. I mean, its a fucking KID, man.

[Surreal]

I still have much love for the Geese, but that was a douchbaggery of epic proportions. Good thing Spooks had his head on a swivel and removed you from the Piggly Wiggly b4 you got your wings clipped.

The funny thing is, if you'd been thrown in the clink, I would have paid to have been a fly on the wall at the Doghouse when rest of those drunken bastards began hatching the plan to break you outta jail. It would have made perfect sense to them.

[BBoozer]

It's supposed to be a free country. You don't want to be condemned as a drunkard, so don't condemn the kid for what's probably its parents fault. Poor kid.

[GetDrunkStayDrunk]

Hmmmm, while I willl say it shouldn't be have been done, now that it has... I don't feel too tore up for the child. Save a few people who have diseases that don't allow them to control their body weight, obesity is a disease which you've brought on yourself.It's like meeting a special someone who has "I have AIDS and love it" tattooed accross their chest and still doing the horizontal mambo. Although seeing as it's a kid, maybe you've woken the parents up to realize stopping at McDonalds every day after school was a poor idea.

[peetie44]

Having been a fat guy my whole life, believe me; what you did was nothing compared to what this kid most likely goes through with some of her peers. And in my day, if an adult did that to me, my parents would've laughed. But it's a new day now and touching other people's children -- especially if you're noticeably drunk -- is taboo.

Sounds like you've thought it out, are remorseful it happened and most likely won't do it again.

"Defendant released on his own recognizance."

[Mr Boozificator]

I say there was nothing very offensive about Goose's behavior: that was more some nice counseling according to me, maybe done clumsily, but that's all. If think the dad/granddad behaved the right way, but I don't understand why the shop owner went so crazy about that. Was he overweight himself?

Just like many others here, I'm more concerned about the pizza rolls: I have never had that in my life.

[Resident Asshole]

That reminds me of when we were drunk at my old co-op and my roomie was scarfing pizza rolls and all of a sudden he belched and up came an entire, un-chewed pizza roll. No puke, just the pizza roll. Those things are indestructible.

I personally think people are way too sensitive, but then again I've been accused many times of being insensitive. I just laugh and pinch their butt cheeks.

[Shane-O-Matic]

I realise it's most likely not the case, but I still found that story to be funny as fuck. Growing up in Scotland requires one to have an abrasive sense of humour. Laugh at yourself, yes, but mostly at others.

Now, I'm not a parent, nor am I a skinny boy, and would probably not have liked that to happen to my kid (there's a hypothetical!), but i'm just glad I read that before work instead of propelling this wine over my laptop.

Poor kid. Now you have to make sure that you don't let your kids grow up fat.