Functionality

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Smatter Noguts
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Functionality

Post by Smatter Noguts »

I was described to my face this morning by my A.A. cult member / killjoy / uptight bitch sister-in-law as a "functional alcoholic", thank you very much.

Of course I responded that I was not fuctional and fuck you, but it got me to wondering: Is this just a stupid tag-line some shrink originated? Is there a line that you have to cross between heavy drinker and non-stop drinker, like the line between "great" and "awesome".

I'm going out ice fishing where I'll drink a lot of Natty Light and whatever schnopps / brandy is thrown my way.

I'm depending on one of you functional fuckers to come up with my answer for me. Ta!

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Two Hearted
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Re: Functionality

Post by Two Hearted »

You are only functional until you are not.
For some that happens early on, for some it never does.

A functional alkie (or drunkard as we prefer here on the board)--is one that can still manage to function relatively well with their family/work/societal duties, while being a heavy to very heavy drinker. Although the definition of a heavy to very heavy drinker can differ vastly among different people.

Just my 2 cents...
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apE
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Re: Functionality

Post by apE »

"functional alcoholic" is the term that therapists, psychiatrists, counsellors and AA members use for those of us that they can't cheat out of money.

what? a person who drinks heavily, but yet has a fulfilling life and takes care of their responsibilities? there's no way that's healthy, or even normal. we must make up a new and ominous term for this illness...
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ThirstyDrunk
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Re: Functionality

Post by ThirstyDrunk »

FUNCTION IS THE KEY
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Re: Functionality

Post by Bluespook »

i take the term "functional" with pride. Fuck em, it's like trying to put a negative lable on a person who not only isn't a fuck up, but gets it done while being a drunkard. Kinda in your face and all that shit to your stupid society norms. I do rather enjoy that part, they assume that since you drink, you must be a fuck up, but then you prove them wrong and it shatters that little myth about drinking they've been pushing for a generation.
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Fabricsoftner
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Re: Functionality

Post by Fabricsoftner »

In my experience, you can be as "functional" as any non drinker/ "normal" asshole out there, and, in their eyes, you're still a fuck up. "It's only a matter of time before you lose control." they say. Fuck em. With that logic you may as well never drive, because it's "only a matter of time" before you get into an accident. Shit, you might as well not do anything. I take care of my responsibilities and I drink heavily. It's possible to do both, despite what society might say. Labels be damned. "Functional alcoholic" is meaningless. You're either able to take care of your shit, or you're not. Drinking has nothing to do with it.
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Savage
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Re: Functionality

Post by Savage »

Smatter Noguts wrote:I was described to my face this morning by my A.A. cult member / killjoy / uptight bitch sister-in-law as a "functional alcoholic", thank you very much.

Of course I responded that I was not fuctional and fuck you, but it got me to wondering: Is this just a stupid tag-line some shrink originated? Is there a line that you have to cross between heavy drinker and non-stop drinker, like the line between "great" and "awesome".

I'm going out ice fishing where I'll drink a lot of Natty Light and whatever schnopps / brandy is thrown my way.

I'm depending on one of you functional fuckers to come up with my answer for me. Ta!
Wait, like, you're not functional if you drink non-stop? Whoa! No one told me that. Damn. I thought I was doing good.
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Miklo
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Re: Functionality

Post by Miklo »

Actually the way i see it is as a compliment. Yes, that is a name those AA's gave to people who could keep their shit together and still drink, but it is also a way of defiance towards them. Being a FUNctional alcoholic like my grandpa, as Irish as they come, his body actually depends on the alcohol to FUNction right. So FUNtional alcoholic means that while under heavy influence of alcohol you are still able to acomplish day to day tasks. My grandpa did have his faults and ran out on my grandma leaving her with 7 kids, but from what my mom says he was great to be around when he was drunk, the problems came when he was undrunk. Though he still works, he runs a bar, owns a home in detroit, and a vacation home in florida, he is productive. That is a FUNctional alcoholic, keep your shit together, dont let alcohol make a bum out of you, and be able to FUNction as a productive member of society.
“And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic.”
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DeeboCools
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Re: Functionality

Post by DeeboCools »

This is a topic of great interest to me.

There are so many variables, it's hard to give a straight answer. First, what is function? Is it being a responsible person? A good person? Having a Fulfilling life? Or just making it? Personally I consider a wino to be functional in his own right. For me it's having a fulfilling life, which I couldn't do without the sauce to help out.

Then there's the completely up in the air definitions. Medically, someone who is an alcoholic is physically dependent. They get sick and could die without it. Function isn't much of a concern to medicine.Yet the shitty A.A. definition of functional alcoholic doesn't concern medicine at all. For our purposes it translates to "A drinker who is doing it right, like we couldn't"

I wish the term dipsomaniac came back into popular culture. Meaning not physically dependent, but "drink mad"; always thinking of it and unhappy without it. That would be me. And probably most of us here.

And yet there are still other categories. People who drink alot but can totally take it or leave it. Their just "drinkers" and not "drunkards" right? I don't know. It's making me dizzy. Or maybe that's some vertigo from the Rye last night.
"S0briety diminishes, discriminates, and says no; drunkenness expands, unites, and says yes." -William James

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Jiggers McCoy
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Re: Functionality

Post by Jiggers McCoy »

"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do." - Dylan Thomas

Fuck the labels, man. But as they go, you could do worse than the old "functional." Its like they have to grudgingly admit that you're awesome.
• "Avoiding the darker alcohols like bourbon, red wine and dark rum might lessen [a hangover] and you might also dance better if you wear a tutu instead of trousers." - FKR

• "If you wanna 'talk about' my drinking, it better be about how fucking awesome it is." - Me

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Re: Functionality

Post by Resident Asshole »

Having just dated a girl now for a little over 3 weeks, we have already had this conversation and I explained to her that I was on holiday this past extended weekend, and would likely drink almost non-stop for 4 days. I also explained to her that when it's time to work, I work as hard as I play. I have money to take her out and I am not an abusive drunk by any means.

She was fine with it. Everyone should be. I would say it takes more starch to be a "functional alcoholic" than a "functional dry".
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kowalski
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Re: Functionality

Post by kowalski »

what was it negromancer said? something about the facadce falling apart?
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Fabricsoftner
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Re: Functionality

Post by Fabricsoftner »

Resident Asshole wrote: I would say it takes more starch to be a "functional alcoholic" than a "functional dry".
Reminds me of what Buk said in Barfly: "Anyone can be a non-drunk: it takes a special talent to be a drunk---it takes endurance"
<@Riddeford> lying on the ground laughing then going to get drunk on a pier. isn't what was fabric was born to do?

<apE> if theyd spend half as much time drinking as they do bitching, itd all be good

<@Fabric> Pint: why do I feel like shit?
<%pint> Fabric: people

<@fiyah> you're unemployed and drunk, you have no standards

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Re: Functionality

Post by NYDingbat »

Then there's the completely up in the air definitions. Medically, someone who is an alcoholic is physically dependent. They get sick and could die without it.


Yes. That is true (yes - I speak from schooling, and real life instances)

Alcohol withdrawal is the only withdrawal you will die from. There is a chemical reaction that alcohol denies vitamins, especially B vitamins, from binding with sites they should be - that's why you shake the next day - your nervous system is reacting - B vitamins are key to your nervous system.

Bottom line - drink - get your B vitamins, potassium, water and whores.
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Re: Functionality

Post by Mayhem »

I'm whore-deficient, but I'm married.
Drink your fucking drink, how about that? Stop the fuckin' presses, isn't it genius??
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