Functionality

[NYDingbat]

Of course you're functional! You managed to marry the fun one!

[Smatter Noguts]

I'm whore-deficient, but I'm married.

Tru dat. Universal.

I'm drunk still.

And I'm debating the whole morning functoon bullshit where I'm not really getting anything done or building a snowfort or chasing a dream but doing the forlorn data entry / smile at the gertie crap I do every day; is that a function of futility or what? I some times feel a grand and stupid gesture on my part would be art, as long as I set it up right and the kids get the insurance money, and someone remembers it in 2090.

Look, I'm dead drunk and typing. What is this math bullshit? Drys suck.

[gthevinoslinger]

function. that's the part they can't accept.
"how could someone get drunk every night and function the next day if i can't?"
there's a lot of shit you can't do, pansy

"how could someone drink every day and not have a problem like my uncle?"
your uncle was no fun to drink with, and neither are you

"how could someone think nine am was a good time for a belt of whiskey and be healthy?"
health is an individual matter, not a one size fits all smock, you fascist.

"how can you do that to yourself?"
because we can, god damnit

i am a hard worker, a good salesman, an awesome daddy and husband, and a spectacular drunk (still trying to get my word alcoholist into popular usage).

[Mr Boozificator]

There is even a number of things I do better when drunk. I might have made some of my biggest mistakes while undrunk.
I'm going to go fix myself a drink right now.
Dries are just afraid they're missing something great, so they're trying to make us feel guilty about it. Fuckers.

[hossthomas]

i hate this concept that people who drink regularly or even every day can't function. i mean, it's common knowledge that bein a drunk means you can't be a good worker,parent,friend, citizen etc. right? my old man has boozed it up longer than i've been alive, he's headin for 60 right now. the man hasn't missed a day of work save for when he was snowed in and when his brother died in damn near 30 years. that's functionality.

on the one hand i agree with what some have said, it's a compliment to be called a functional alcoholic. but it's a begrudging, backhanded sort of compliment. "you're able to drink all you want and not let it adversely affect your career, family, etc. but you're still a bad, bad person because you drink." fuck that shit, what kind of logic is that?

[Wingman]

your uncle was no fun to drink with, and neither are you.

bwahahaha!

hey, speaking of functioning in society, any advice for breaking into the wholesale booze business?

[Booz Hound]

I get up early, go to work, do a excellent job, and go home work out, do chores and make dinner so im functional. All while steadly drunk so I'm and alcohloic. So combine the two and yes i am a functional alcoholic, kick ass for me! Weeee!

[Bluespook]

i didn't mean to suggest that the dries are giving the term as a compliment, i meant to take it at as one, just to shove it right back in their faces and let them know that their attempts at moral supremacy have failed.

[Smatter Noguts]

You are all geniuses, which I attribute to the booze talkin'.

I, too, would like to be in the booze distribution biz; I would have a store that has nothing but small batch Bourbons, sort of a niche market. We'd franchise it to foriegn shores and the wogs would love America again.

Being a wage slave sucks. I was cut out for finer things:

"Jefferson! Run to the cellars and fetch me a bottle of Rare Eagle at once, damn your eyes, and be quick about it; as Squire Feathergill and I are parched!"

[hossthomas]

i didn't mean to suggest that the dries are giving the term as a compliment, i meant to take it at as one, just to shove it right back in their faces and let them know that their attempts at moral supremacy have failed.

i got your meaning,spook. definitely with you on that too. i was just pointin out the flaw in their logic, where they say that although alcohol doesn't affect your life negatively you still have no business drinkin because.....because...well because we say so. dicks

[gthevinoslinger]

hey, speaking of functioning in society, any advice for breaking into the wholesale booze business?

I got into the wine biz (just wine for now... more on that in a minute) via cafe jobs. my first coffee/cooking gig served wines, and my boss was passionate about it, as he is about everything. we worked at a lot of jobs together, till finally he took a job with a boutique wine wholesaler and got me hired on as warehouse manager (small company=fast promotion). I worked there almost five years, moving up to operations manager and slowly learning about wine.

when we moved from St Louis to Knoxville, I applied at all the wholesalers and got an interview at the one with the best wine portfolio, so that part was just good fortune.

if i stay at this for another ten years or so with the same company, a liquor position might open up. that's where the real money is, as liquor drinkers tend to be a lot more brand loyal that winos, so no store can be without certain core liquors.

short version Learn as much as you can OR become an awesome salesman. since you're extremely likely to stand behind the product, half the battle is won. in grocery markets (like MO, not TN), it's less about knowledge and more about relationship.

i submitted some of this and more about the business to FKR for the magazine a few months after the last one came out. perhaps I will re-post it in the Submit to forum.

[Wingman]

cheers, g.

[gthevinoslinger]

and to you as well. the company was buying, so i'm currently drunk on knob creek rocks, caymus cab, darioush cab, and cristal. i love wholesale

[BenTheBeast]

Why would anybody berate someone for being functional after getting wildly hammered last night? Oh yes, it's because they can't do it so it must be bad. Personally, I would have nothing but respect for those who can get wildly drunk and then get up and get the job done the next day. Since I am one of those chosen few, respect and learn from the great drunkards whose booze it up and then rise to put in a productive workday.

[Savage]

Hey, some of us are blessed with an iron booze constitution. We may get drunk, we may fall down, but in general, we keep on chugging. And what is this about getting withdrawal symptoms? For various reasons, I have gone a shitload of times without a drink, and guess what? No problem! I've also gone on diets to get rid of my huge ass and so forth, and I never got the DTs. (Or would that be the CTs?) If I had, you might have read that some chocolate-crazed woman broke into a See's Candy store and ran amok. Please. Be in control of your pleasures, or give them up. If booze makes you sick, don't drink. It just doesn't agree with your system? Then don't drink. No foul. Take care of yourself. It's what your mother would want you to do.