A Guy Walks Into A Bar..

A place for general talk.

Moderators: Badfellow, Mr Boozificator, Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, Judge, oettinger, Oggar

Post Reply
User avatar
Smatter Noguts
Boozing Like Bukowski
Boozing Like Bukowski
Posts: 4948
Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 10:05 pm
Location: blackout island

A Guy Walks Into A Bar..

Post by Smatter Noguts » Tue Aug 30, 2011 4:48 pm

..and starts swaying back and forth on either foot.

"What the fuck are you doing?" asks the guy next to him.

"Well, I been at sea for over 6 months, and I'm just getting my land legs back."

The other guy sets down his drink, starts dry humping the bar, and says,

"Well, I've been a Lawyer for over 16 years and you don't see me doing this, do ya?"

User avatar
Wingman
Chugging Like Churchill
Chugging Like Churchill
Posts: 5081
Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 1:44 pm
Location: on my way to a bar

Re: A Guy Walks Into A Bar..

Post by Wingman » Tue Aug 30, 2011 5:28 pm

...there's a horse behind the bar, polishing a glass.

the guy just stares at him.

horse says, "whatsamatta, you never seen a horse bartending before?!?"

guy says, "no, i'm just surprised the parrot sold the place."
Stupid should hurt.

"We're better than mere people, we're DRUNKARDS."
--ThirstyDrunk

JohnnyT

Re: A Guy Walks Into A Bar..

Post by JohnnyT » Tue Aug 30, 2011 5:48 pm

and yells, "All lawyers are assholes".

Man at the end of the bar says "I object to that remark".

Guy says "Why, are you a lawyer?"

Man says "No, I'm an asshole".

User avatar
Wingman
Chugging Like Churchill
Chugging Like Churchill
Posts: 5081
Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 1:44 pm
Location: on my way to a bar

Re: A Guy Walks Into A Bar..

Post by Wingman » Tue Aug 30, 2011 6:01 pm

...with an alligator under his arm, says, "do you guys serve lawyers here?"

bartender says, "sure."

guy says, "great, i'll have a beer. and a lawyer for my alligator, here."
Stupid should hurt.

"We're better than mere people, we're DRUNKARDS."
--ThirstyDrunk

User avatar
DeeboCools
King Cockeyed
King Cockeyed
Posts: 1889
Joined: Wed Apr 09, 2008 10:37 pm
Location: Maryland

Re: A Guy Walks Into A Bar..

Post by DeeboCools » Tue Aug 30, 2011 6:56 pm

and hits it.
"S0briety diminishes, discriminates, and says no; drunkenness expands, unites, and says yes." -William James

User avatar
ThirstyDrunk
Juicing Like Jackie
Juicing Like Jackie
Posts: 12289
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2006 10:35 pm
Location: Xenia

Re: A Guy Walks Into A Bar..

Post by ThirstyDrunk » Tue Aug 30, 2011 10:08 pm

Spilled his beer on this gay communist HAitian hemophiliac transvestite dwarf nun who had skated in with a ant on his head and an aardvark on a leash
To be fair, I'm drunker than you.

User avatar
DeeboCools
King Cockeyed
King Cockeyed
Posts: 1889
Joined: Wed Apr 09, 2008 10:37 pm
Location: Maryland

Re: A Guy Walks Into A Bar..

Post by DeeboCools » Wed Aug 31, 2011 2:00 pm

and says "what is this, some kind of joke?"
"S0briety diminishes, discriminates, and says no; drunkenness expands, unites, and says yes." -William James

User avatar
Savage
Juicing Like Jackie
Juicing Like Jackie
Posts: 24805
Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2003 1:16 am
Location: All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go

Re: A Guy Walks Into A Bar..

Post by Savage » Thu Sep 01, 2011 6:18 am

and trips over the passed-out drunk on the floor, and says, "I'll have whatever he's having."
like tears in rain

User avatar
Wingman
Chugging Like Churchill
Chugging Like Churchill
Posts: 5081
Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 1:44 pm
Location: on my way to a bar

Re: A Guy Walks Into A Bar..

Post by Wingman » Thu Sep 01, 2011 7:38 am

bartender says, i got a game for you. see those two steaks up on the ceiling? for a dollar, i'll loan you a dart. if you can hit a steak, you get a steak dinner on the house.

guy says, no thanks; the steaks are too high.
Stupid should hurt.

"We're better than mere people, we're DRUNKARDS."
--ThirstyDrunk

User avatar
Jags
Lord of Benders
Lord of Benders
Posts: 457
Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:35 am
Location: Virginia

Re: A Guy Walks Into A Bar..

Post by Jags » Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:06 pm

with a frog in his pocket. He takes the frog out and sits it on the bar.
A woman sitting at the bar says, "Hey buddy, what's the frog for?".
He replies, "That frog eats pussy, would you like to try it?".
She's like, "I don't think so.".


Couple of hours go by and she slurs, "hey buddy, I wanna try your frog.".
The go get a room and she strips nekid and lays on the bed. The guy takes the frog and puts it between her legs and goes and sits in the chair.
After a couple of minutes she says, "hey buddy, the frog ain't doing anything.".
The guy walks over, picks the frog up, looks him in the eyes and says, "I'm only gonna show you this one more time.".
-------------------------------------

The older I get, the better I was.

It's damn expensive to look this cheap.

Post Reply