1) I'm smarter when I listen to Johnny Cash while drunk.
2) Every machine has a rhythm. Usually it's 4/4.
3) The jukebox in my local dive has plenty of Johnny Cash on rotation, hence:
4) I'm a friggin' genius when I'm drunk and who cares where my shirt is? I'll throw you!
5) Saying, "I'll throw you!" is a great threat, because people back off immediately. "Throw me where?" they say to themselves. "Throw me into a wall? Throw me over the bar? Throw me into a fist? This guy ain't too big but he said he'd throw me and I don't like the sound of that!"
Profound Thoughts (a place for great drunken insights)
Moderators: Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, Judge, oettinger, Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator
- Aloysius_of_Tahiti
- Lord of Benders
- Posts: 270
- Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2010 9:04 pm
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- Lord of Benders
- Posts: 286
- Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2011 6:47 am
Re: Profound Thoughts (a place for great drunken insights)
I find that whenever I say "I need some time to seriously think" or something similar, what I actually mean is "I need some time to seriously drink".
- BBoozer
- Ten Feet Tall and Bulletproof
- Posts: 1223
- Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:14 am
- Location: In the promised land of Belgium
Re: Profound Thoughts (a place for great drunken insights)
Whenever my redhead says 'you drink too much', in fact she is venting her frustration for not being able to keep up pace with me.
- Savage
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 25434
- Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2003 1:16 am
- Location: All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
Re: Profound Thoughts (a place for great drunken insights)
1. Martin Denny, Arthur Lyman, and Les Baxter, are excellent fellows to listen to while drinking. I'm adding them to my funeral playlist. But we're still having Roy and Dale sing "Happy Trails to You" Well, not actually Roy and Dale, since they are both sort of dead, but, you know...
2. How come nobody ever has champagne at a wake? Hell, I'm writing a codicil to my Last Wishes, Bitches document, that bans any beverages other than champagne and bourbon from my funeral party.
3. Too many commas.
4. Also, no one ever brings a chocolate dessert. My funeral will be catered by Sees Candy.
5. And don't forget the mirrored disco ball.
6. Just like a wedding, there WILL be a color scheme. Purple. Blue purple, of course. Lavender blue. NO FUCKING ORANGE! I HATE ORANGE!
except in my mimosa, or carrots.
7. Dress appropriately. I can't even believe I have to say this, but seriously people, cover yourself, and pull up your sadass sagging pants. No flip flops, no Bratz doll-type wear, no fucking Hawaiian shirts unless they have skeletons on them, and no bright red or orange or that ilk. It's a damn funeral. I want to see black. And turn off your electronic devices and cell phones, or I swear to God, I will rise up out of that coffin and wrap my cold, embalmed fingers around your stupid, ignorant, red neck.
8. There's some other stuff, but my glass is empty and Grumpy is asleep, so I guess I have to serve my own damn self.
2. How come nobody ever has champagne at a wake? Hell, I'm writing a codicil to my Last Wishes, Bitches document, that bans any beverages other than champagne and bourbon from my funeral party.
3. Too many commas.
4. Also, no one ever brings a chocolate dessert. My funeral will be catered by Sees Candy.
5. And don't forget the mirrored disco ball.
6. Just like a wedding, there WILL be a color scheme. Purple. Blue purple, of course. Lavender blue. NO FUCKING ORANGE! I HATE ORANGE!
except in my mimosa, or carrots.
7. Dress appropriately. I can't even believe I have to say this, but seriously people, cover yourself, and pull up your sadass sagging pants. No flip flops, no Bratz doll-type wear, no fucking Hawaiian shirts unless they have skeletons on them, and no bright red or orange or that ilk. It's a damn funeral. I want to see black. And turn off your electronic devices and cell phones, or I swear to God, I will rise up out of that coffin and wrap my cold, embalmed fingers around your stupid, ignorant, red neck.
8. There's some other stuff, but my glass is empty and Grumpy is asleep, so I guess I have to serve my own damn self.
like tears in rain
- Aloysius_of_Tahiti
- Lord of Benders
- Posts: 270
- Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2010 9:04 pm
Re: Profound Thoughts (a place for great drunken insights)
I love me some Denny, Lyman, and Baxter. Nothing like Exotica music to put you in the mood for pouring a cheerful drink.Savage wrote:1. Martin Denny, Arthur Lyman, and Les Baxter, are excellent fellows to listen to while drinking.
- peetie44
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 10389
- Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 3:05 am
- Location: Belgium, Austin TX, SoCal, Branson MO, Cape Cod MA
Re: Profound Thoughts (a place for great drunken insights)
"Man i once bought $101 worth of insect candy because it was free shipping on orders over 100 bucks." -- ThirstyDrunk
"I wanted a shark high on crack dumped into a piranha tank! I wanted college AD's to pull their human faces off, then dive at each other's lizard throats!" -- waahoohah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q01p7k6T ... e=youtu.be
"I wanted a shark high on crack dumped into a piranha tank! I wanted college AD's to pull their human faces off, then dive at each other's lizard throats!" -- waahoohah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q01p7k6T ... e=youtu.be
- Wingman
- Chugging Like Churchill
- Posts: 5078
- Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 1:44 pm
- Location: on my way to a bar
Re: Profound Thoughts (a place for great drunken insights)
i had one yesterday. it was a good one, too. not lifechanging, mind you, but pretty snappy.
i'm sure it'll occur to me again at some point.
i'm sure it'll occur to me again at some point.
Stupid should hurt.
"We're better than mere people, we're DRUNKARDS."
--ThirstyDrunk
"We're better than mere people, we're DRUNKARDS."
--ThirstyDrunk
- ThirstyDrunk
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 12701
- Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2006 10:35 pm
- Location: Xenia
Re: Profound Thoughts (a place for great drunken insights)
Don't you realize that some people only respond to their own threads?peetie44 wrote:1) http://www.drunkard.com/bbs/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=55343
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought
- JimLahey
- Drunker Than God
- Posts: 2104
- Joined: Sun Apr 03, 2011 6:32 pm
- Location: Sunnyvale Trailerpark
Re: Profound Thoughts (a place for great drunken insights)
I just want to sit quietly in my room and drink. That's it.
- Savage
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 25434
- Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2003 1:16 am
- Location: All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
Re: Profound Thoughts (a place for great drunken insights)
Oh shit, this wasn't that thread? I have no sense of direction.
like tears in rain
- Savage
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 25434
- Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2003 1:16 am
- Location: All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
Profound drunkard thoughts
You know, sometimes life isn’t all puppies and sunshine. Still, that’s no reason to take all your clothes off and run naked in the streets and shoot at random clowns. *
*random thought for the day
*random thought for the day
like tears in rain
- ThirstyDrunk
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 12701
- Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2006 10:35 pm
- Location: Xenia
Re: Profound drunkard thoughts
Well, it's no reason NOT to.
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought
- Badfellow
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 10728
- Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:05 pm
- Location: Republic of Drunkardia
Re: Profound Thoughts (a place for great drunken insights)
I don’t need a permit to shoot clowns. It’s in my contract.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ
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- Inebriate Savant
- Posts: 627
- Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2021 1:33 pm
- Location: Milky Way (most of the time)
- scream ale
- Drinking Like W.C.
- Posts: 6212
- Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2018 11:26 am
- Location: Home usually.
Re: Profound Thoughts (a place for great drunken insights)
Ar the eisk of sounding like a hippie - couldn't you just throw pies laced with broken glass at clowns? Shooting them just seems excessive.