Weird & Confusing Stuff

[Savage]

Quinoa? Nah. Give me potatoes. Or rice, but only Japanese style. Okay, cornbread. Or biscuits. The real ones, not those crappy bagged cookies you Britsish types eat at tea. Our Japanese exchange student loved cornflakes, tuna sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies.

[Savage]

I just spent a bit of time trying to get my damn computer mouse to move, only to find that I was shoving my drink around. I only noticed when I tried to take another sip and found the glass already in my hand. Could have been worse. I could have tried to drink from my mouse.

[Thompson]

I have a bit of trouble with time. I asked the bartender for the time, and in all honesty I asked her if that time was am or pm. I was 86’d right then and there. They had some mean looking bouncers so I didn’t argue and I guess it was am because it wouldn’t be dark at 4pm.

[Thompson]

Most of the time I think it’s the other guy that’s confused, or I make it seem that he’s confused, even if he isn’t confused, but the confusing part is he doesn’t know if he’s confused or not. In fact, I wonder about my own state of confusion. Kinda like that song — I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in /

[Thompson]

There is one thing that a drunkard will never be confused about. How Much Is Left? Gotta leave the house or not? Can this much be enough for today? Maybe so, if you work it, but THEN you will be in real trouble come tomorrow - real trouble - you will have Nothing - no little hit off the half pint, no left over slug of warm beer, no NOTHING.

[Thompson]

And then if you don’t have enough? What then? You put your shoes on then fall down the front steps? The liquor store is four blocks away and you can’t walk one? Christ! Drunkard confusion. Give up and crawl home? Or Make It To The Liquor Store (before they close)? Have to make it, there is no other option. It is not confusing.

[oettinger]

Ashtray drink confusion here. It`s bad both ways

[DrunkinEurope]

Ashtray drink confusion here. It`s bad both ways

As teenagers, my buddy and I would tap our cigarettes in our shots before drinking them, to get drunker faster. Being teenagers, it took us a while to realize that it only made us vomit more in the morning. Since then, I've learned not to have my ashtray and my glass stand too close to each other.
Sometimes, confusion (and stupidity) leads to valuable life lessons.

[Badfellow]

Wait, you can drink from your mouse?

[Patchez]

Wait, you can drink from your mouse?

You can but the little guys can only hold so much. A rat, better yet, a ferret would make a better drinking vessel.

[Patchez]

Wait, you can drink from your mouse?

You can but their little belly can only hold so much. A rat, better yet, a ferret would make a better drinking vessel.

[Nausea]

Cute little mouse bellies! These are a few of my favorite things.

There are some of the little fuckers running around all ninja-like in the garden center I work at.

[Dear Booze]

Cute little mouse bellies! These are a few of my favorite things.

There are some of the little fuckers running around all ninja-like in the garden center I work at.

Yeah, I got some of those cute things I love too. Here are a few:

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver-white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver-white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

[Badfellow]

I thought for sure you would have included "pissing on fences" in and amongst a few of your favorite things.

[Patchez]

Hand jobs and blow jobs
and eating clitoris
watching your Grandmother
douche with Lavoris
brown pubic cunt hairs
and toilet bowl rings
these are a few of my favorite things