Top Tips for the Alcoholically Challenged

[Palinka (RIP)]

Cliff Yablonski's guide to eats is a big help (you can read it better if you close one eye).

[Bur]

Lamp posts may look life a safe bet for leaning on and relaxing, but they are devious creations and will betray you upon time of need.

[Surreal]

[Savage]

but things like that can smuggle such a small amount of alki. We need something capable of smuggling a half gallon or so.

[Mr. Viking]

but things like that can smuggle such a small amount of alki. We need something capable of smuggling a half gallon or so.

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[Surreal]

but things like that can smuggle such a small amount of alki. We need something capable of smuggling a half gallon or so.

I don't know about you, but I have a wicked heavy flow from month the month so I need to cary about 30 of those little man-gina missles in my man-purse. It carries me through the lunch hour.

[Palinka (RIP)]

N.B. Taxi drivers are the natural enemy of the drunkard; they will overcharge you* and attempt to make you forget the deposit that you had to pay as insurance against throwing up/passing out/needing to be taken to the E.R/A&E. Trust your hippocampus and jump on the beer scooter instead.

* In the city, in which I currently find myself domiciled, the fuckers charge an extra £2 for picking someone up from a pub. The bastards.

[Shane-O-Matic]

N.B. Taxi drivers are the natural enemy of the drunkard; they will overcharge you* and attempt to make you forget the deposit that you had to pay as insurance against throwing up/passing out/needing to be taken to the E.R/A&E. Trust your hippocampus and jump on the beer scooter instead.

* In the city, in which I currently find myself domiciled, the fuckers charge an extra £2 for picking someone up from a pub. The bastards.

Mr Boozificator and I had to talk ourselves out of killing a taxi driver at the first CCC in Manchester. We did the right thing and just swore at him a lot, got to our destination, paid him without tip and continued drinking.

[Shane-O-Matic]

One of the nuttiest barmen I ever knew once gave me some advice on being a barman.

"Peter, when someone says 'take wan for yersel,' you should take three."

My last memory of said bartender is said bartender taking a bad turn and putting me in a headlock after we'd been out drinking all night. I found out that he died about a year later. You're missed, Jackie.

[Savage]

but things like that can smuggle such a small amount of alki. We need something capable of smuggling a half gallon or so.

I just had a flash about the Kardashian clan. Sorry for quoting myself. I just couldn't help it. It's four darkthirtyalmost, and the Grump made so much noise leaving, that I find sleep has fled for softer chambers.

[One for the Frog]

but things like that can smuggle such a small amount of alki. We need something capable of smuggling a half gallon or so.

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That, Sir, is pure brilliance.

[Palinka (RIP)]

That, Sir, is pure brilliance.

You would say that, you tubby bitch...

[Palinka (RIP)]

If your late night ham sandwich tastes fizzy, either you have put alka seltzer in it or the ham is really, really off.

[Wingman]

if you can lie down on the floor without holding on...you ain't drunk.

[NightShiftCharlie]

I thought "Alcoholically Challenged" meant that either you were in a Dry area, or that you couldn't get drunk.