New to The Board? Then introduce yourself here...

A place for general talk.

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Dear Booze
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Re: New Drunkard

Post by Dear Booze » Sat Nov 19, 2016 11:38 pm

Mikey1963 wrote:My uncle recently passed away and I came into possession of two relatively rare items which may be of interest to someone here. I have an un-opened bottle of Ripple Red, and an un-opened bottle of Night Train Express. Both available to the highest bidder. Pix available. Thanks, Mike
Hey Mikey,

Sounds like a terrific inheritance your uncle left you. He must have really loved you. I have to ask... how could you possibly part with such a lovely parting gift from someone with whom you were obviously so close?

I would certainly love to own both items. Have you had them appraised?

I'm not rich by any means, but I would be able to offer you a bag and a half of recycled cans (smashed, of course). Although im sure it's a fair deal, I'm sure there are strong emotional attachments to your items. So, I will throw in a half eaten pop tart and seven tic-tacs. You can DM me for shipping information.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a drunk man tortilla chips, Velveeta and a hair dryer and he has nachos.

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Re: New Drunkard

Post by oettinger » Sun Nov 20, 2016 9:13 am

Dear Booze wrote:
Mikey1963 wrote:My uncle recently passed away and I came into possession of two relatively rare items which may be of interest to someone here. I have an un-opened bottle of Ripple Red, and an un-opened bottle of Night Train Express. Both available to the highest bidder. Pix available. Thanks, Mike
Hey Mikey,

Sounds like a terrific inheritance your uncle left you. He must have really loved you. I have to ask... how could you possibly part with such a lovely parting gift from someone with whom you were obviously so close?

I would certainly love to own both items. Have you had them appraised?

I'm not rich by any means, but I would be able to offer you a bag and a half of recycled cans (smashed, of course). Although im sure it's a fair deal, I'm sure there are strong emotional attachments to your items. So, I will throw in a half eaten pop tart and seven tic-tacs. You can DM me for shipping information.
Easy on the tic-tacs through the mail. They got me personally into big trouble more than once.
Tip from a pro, lick em all and spit them into a condom one after another and then put said condom... oh damn wait, I said they got me into trouble? Right, then don`t do that.
I do not remember posting that ^^^
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Patchez
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Re: New Drunkard

Post by Patchez » Thu Nov 24, 2016 11:43 pm

Dear Booze wrote:
Mikey1963 wrote:My uncle recently passed away and I came into possession of two relatively rare items which may be of interest to someone here. I have an un-opened bottle of Ripple Red, and an un-opened bottle of Night Train Express. Both available to the highest bidder. Pix available. Thanks, Mike
Hey Mikey,

Sounds like a terrific inheritance your uncle left you. He must have really loved you. I have to ask... how could you possibly part with such a lovely parting gift from someone with whom you were obviously so close?

I would certainly love to own both items. Have you had them appraised?

I'm not rich by any means, but I would be able to offer you a bag and a half of recycled cans (smashed, of course). Although im sure it's a fair deal, I'm sure there are strong emotional attachments to your items. So, I will throw in a half eaten pop tart and seven tic-tacs. You can DM me for shipping information.
Not so fast there Slick. Mikey this shyster was trying to low ball you out of your inheritance. I will not allow this. I offer as fair recompense for your items, a fine shopping cart with only one wobbly wheel. I would also like to offer an entire case of beer bottles worth a 5 cent refund in NY-ME-CT-VT-MA-OR-DE-IA and 10 cent in MI. I hope you entertain my generous offer.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

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Dear Booze
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Re: New Drunkard

Post by Dear Booze » Sat Nov 26, 2016 12:32 pm

Patchez wrote:
Dear Booze wrote:
Mikey1963 wrote:My uncle recently passed away and I came into possession of two relatively rare items which may be of interest to someone here. I have an un-opened bottle of Ripple Red, and an un-opened bottle of Night Train Express. Both available to the highest bidder. Pix available. Thanks, Mike
Hey Mikey,

Sounds like a terrific inheritance your uncle left you. He must have really loved you. I have to ask... how could you possibly part with such a lovely parting gift from someone with whom you were obviously so close?

I would certainly love to own both items. Have you had them appraised?

I'm not rich by any means, but I would be able to offer you a bag and a half of recycled cans (smashed, of course). Although im sure it's a fair deal, I'm sure there are strong emotional attachments to your items. So, I will throw in a half eaten pop tart and seven tic-tacs. You can DM me for shipping information.
Not so fast there Slick. Mikey this shyster was trying to low ball you out of your inheritance. I will not allow this. I offer as fair recompense for your items, a fine shopping cart with only one wobbly wheel. I would also like to offer an entire case of beer bottles worth a 5 cent refund in NY-ME-CT-VT-MA-OR-DE-IA and 10 cent in MI. I hope you entertain my generous offer.
Mikey, I can tell you are an intelligent man. This is why I'm sure you can see right through Mr Patchez' cleaver attempt to deceive you with the goal of taking ownership of your valuable possessions. If you are not comfortable with my original offer, I completely understand. Parting with such precious goods is not easy. But I want you to know that I have your best interest at heart and would like to offer my services to help protect against the likes of flim-flam artists, and grifters such as the one you have recently encountered.

I will make you a new offer. And please don't think for a moment that I would make this offer to just anyone. It's just that I truly understand what you are going through, and I want to make sure you are making decisions that are good for you. And for your future. And for your family.

At my own personal expense, I will hold your items until you are ready to sell them and at such a time when you will have the ability to fetch their true value from the International market. Simply ship the bottles in question to me. Once received, I will refund the cost of shipping and, to show that I want to aid in your success, I will deposit $10,000 unto you bank account. Simply send me all bank account information as well as a small refundable deposit of $250. You are a wise and lucky man. And I am proud to know you.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a drunk man tortilla chips, Velveeta and a hair dryer and he has nachos.

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Re: New to The Board? Then introduce yourself here...

Post by Badfellow » Sat Nov 26, 2016 1:24 pm

I can't afford to get into a bidding war with these rap artists and high rollers. But as a connoisseur and broker of fine vintage Mogun David fortified wines, I can offer you a piece of priceless advice and tell you hold onto your collection most dearly. Clutch to it as though it were your balls and you were riding the roller-coaster of your life straight into the flaming maw of hades.

Better yet begs the question: why do these fine jewels of viticulture you purport to have inherited remain unopened? No offense, Mr. 1963, but I do not know that I could trust a man who was not even the least bit tempted to dip into such treasures. You're not one of these elitists who keeps fine wine around just for show, are you?
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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Re: New to The Board? Then introduce yourself here...

Post by DivaBitch » Sun Nov 27, 2016 10:13 am

Badfellow wrote:I can't afford to get into a bidding war with these rap artists and high rollers. But as a connoisseur and broker of fine vintage Mogun David fortified wines, I can offer you a piece of priceless advice and tell you hold onto your collection most dearly. Clutch to it as though it were your balls and you were riding the roller-coaster of your life straight into the flaming maw of hades.

Better yet begs the question: why do these fine jewels of viticulture you purport to have inherited remain unopened? No offense, Mr. 1963, but I do not know that I could trust a man who was not even the least bit tempted to dip into such treasures. You're not one of these elitists who keeps fine wine around just for show, are you?
i hate drunk snobs they try to be so heigh and mihgty
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Re: New to The Board? Then introduce yourself here...

Post by Jimmy Lester {RIP} » Sun Nov 27, 2016 11:44 pm

I'm Jimmy Lester. Fuck you! You want a fucking drink? get it you own fucking self. And get me one too. Make it a double or I'll beat some ass. FUCK!

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Re: New to The Board? Then introduce yourself here...

Post by ThirstyDrunk » Tue Nov 29, 2016 12:33 pm

Sounds like somebody needs to be taken out behind The Shed.
To be fair, I'm drunker than you.

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Badfellow
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Re: New to The Board? Then introduce yourself here...

Post by Badfellow » Tue Nov 29, 2016 12:56 pm

Jimmy Lester {RIP} wrote:I'm Jimmy Lester. Fuck you! You want a fucking drink? get it you own fucking self. And get me one too. Make it a double or I'll beat some ass. FUCK!
You sound like a really nice guy. Can you do me a solid and watch my wallet while I take a nap?
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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Re: New to The Board? Then introduce yourself here...

Post by Jimmy Lester {RIP} » Tue Nov 29, 2016 1:15 pm

ThirstyDrunk wrote:Sounds like somebody needs to be taken out behind The Shed.
I ain't into that sort of shit. But it's cool if you are. I don't mind drinkin' with homos. Hell, I'll even buy you a drink if you're cool. Just don't try to convert me and shit.

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Jimmy Lester {RIP}
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Re: New to The Board? Then introduce yourself here...

Post by Jimmy Lester {RIP} » Tue Nov 29, 2016 1:19 pm

Badfellow wrote:
Jimmy Lester {RIP} wrote:I'm Jimmy Lester. Fuck you! You want a fucking drink? get it you own fucking self. And get me one too. Make it a double or I'll beat some ass. FUCK!
You sound like a really nice guy. Can you do me a solid and watch my wallet while I take a nap?
I'll watch your wallet, your car, your girlfriend, whatever. Just buy me a couple drinks. If I gotta watch the girlfriend, make 'em doubles... triples if she's fat.

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Re: New to The Board? Then introduce yourself here...

Post by ThirstyDrunk » Tue Nov 29, 2016 2:30 pm

Very telling, the first thing that pops into someones mind.
To be fair, I'm drunker than you.

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Jimmy Lester {RIP}
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Re: New to The Board? Then introduce yourself here...

Post by Jimmy Lester {RIP} » Tue Nov 29, 2016 2:38 pm

ThirstyDrunk wrote:Very telling, the first thing that pops into someones mind.
Are you a goddamned mind reader, or some shit? How the fuck do you know what the first fucking thing in my mind was?

I'm sittin' here tryin' to be all polite and shit and you want to insult me?

I'll let you buy me some Irish to make it up to me, but don't ever assume what's what. Fuck.

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Badfellow
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Re: New to The Board? Then introduce yourself here...

Post by Badfellow » Tue Nov 29, 2016 3:03 pm

This Jimmy Lester jerkoff is prime Shed material.
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Re: New to The Board? Then introduce yourself here...

Post by Jimmy Lester {RIP} » Tue Nov 29, 2016 4:31 pm

Badfellow wrote:This Jimmy Lester jerkoff is prime Shed material.
You boys keep sawin' on about this fucking Shed. And that fucking Shit Talkers. Which one is better?

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