The Crappy Jokes thread!

[Mr Boozificator]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your porch?
Matt

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your wall?
Art


What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob

Wine all over keyboard, you win. You idiot.

[Lush City]

Yes, crappy jokes abound...

Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.

Why won't Hillary let her campaign staffers exercise?
She doesn't want them to "Feel The Bern".

Why is Hillary Clinton running for President? Because it's easier than running from Law Enforcement.

Why does Hillary prefer dogs to Bill Clinton?
A dog chases his own tail

Why shouldn't Republicans worry about losing in 2016?
Apparently depression is covered by Obamacare.

What do you call a Iowan who hates Hillary?
A CORNservative.

What was Hillary Clinton's last gift to Monica?
Spot remover.

Oh, please I can't take this crap anymore. Who the fuck started this thread anyway?
D'Oh!
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/ ... jokes.html

[oettinger]

Yes, crappy jokes abound...

Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.

Why won't Hillary let her campaign staffers exercise?
She doesn't want them to "Feel The Bern".

Why is Hillary Clinton running for President? Because it's easier than running from Law Enforcement.

Why does Hillary prefer dogs to Bill Clinton?
A dog chases his own tail

Why shouldn't Republicans worry about losing in 2016?
Apparently depression is covered by Obamacare.

What do you call a Iowan who hates Hillary?
A CORNservative.

What was Hillary Clinton's last gift to Monica?
Spot remover.

Oh, please I can't take this crap anymore. Who the fuck started this thread anyway?
D'Oh!
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/ ... jokes.html

Ha, a Lush post about Hitler:


Hey Lushy my main man, what do you do after those elections?

[Patchez]

What do you call a man with no arms and legs on a stage?

Mike

What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell

[Lush City]

Rodney Dangerfield Stand Up Jokes

With my wife I don't get no respect.
I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'
The waiter joined me.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

I tell you, I'm not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/com ... jokes.html

[oettinger]

I read that with Rodney`s voice in my head, hilarious. Thank you

[Lush City]

Top 10 Hillary Clinton Jokes (Offensive)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0TQVqEI900

[ThirstyDrunk]

What's red and smells like blue paint?








red paint.

[ThirstyDrunk]

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?









It's an obscure number, you probably never heard of it.

[Patchez]

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?









It's an obscure number, you probably never heard of it.

42

[ThirstyDrunk]

Oh is that how it is now/

[Patchez]

yep/ All Hitch hikers on your ass.

[Lush City]

This joke goes back to when people smoked and asked each other for a light. This is the hallmark of a crappy joke when you have to explain it before you tell it. So, rest assured you are getting the crappiest of crappy jokes here.

Crappy joke:
"Hey buddy, how about a match"
"Ok, my ass and your face!"

Obviously this guy is having a bad day!

[Savage]

What's red and smells like blue paint?








red paint.

Heh, oh, uh, wait? I don't get it.

(helpful friend whispers in my ear)

Ooh! It's 'cause, red and blue are like the same, only purple, right? And Mom thought I was slow. Showed that old bat, didn't I?

I just came back from my daughter's wedding, and Grumpy got steal-the-keys-from-the-old-man wasted on weakass Rose. This from a man who drinks a quart of bourbon every day. Go figure. I guess you should stick to the familiar, and avoid unfamiliar poisons. Luckily, I had my broom in the trunk, so we flew home. Wheee!

[Lush City]

Why is Hillary Clinton running for President? Because it's easier than running from Law Enforcement.

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/ ... jokes.html

Why does Hillary prefer dogs to Bill Clinton? A dog chases his own tail

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/ ... jokes.html

Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning? She wants to be the first lady.

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/ ... jokes.html

That's enough! Can't take it anymore.