The Crappy Jokes thread!

A place for general talk.

Moderators: Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, Judge, oettinger, Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator

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mistah willies
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by mistah willies »

Lush City wrote:
Sat Sep 29, 2018 12:26 am
You asked for it. You kept this stinking thread alive. Now you get some more right between those drunken blood shot eyes. The best of Hebrew humor, please enjoy these lame ass jokes... OY!
Start Hebrew joke list...

"Some old and some new, and all have an underlying point.
Community:

1. How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Four: One to convince others to do it, a second to donate the bulb, a third to screw it in, and a fourth to make a speech saying the entire Jewish people stands behind the new bulb...
From here: http://www.aish.com/jw/s/11-Quintessent ... mobile=yes

Cite your sources lads. No need to get Jewish lawyers after Lush City...

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by scream ale »

Lush City wrote:
Sat Sep 29, 2018 12:26 am
You asked for it. You kept this stinking thread alive. Now you get some more right between those drunken blood shot eyes. The best of Hebrew humor, please enjoy these lame ass jokes... OY!
Start Hebrew joke list...

"Some old and some new, and all have an underlying point.
Community:

1. How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Four: One to convince others to do it, a second to donate the bulb, a third to screw it in, and a fourth to make a speech saying the entire Jewish people stands behind the new bulb.

2. Two men, a Jew and a Gentile, were marooned on a desert island. The Gentile immediately got to work, dragging rocks to spell out “SOS” in huge letters on the beach, gathering driftwood to build a bonfire, and thinking about ways to build a boat.

The Jew, however, merely sat on the beach and waited.

“What’s the matter with you?” the Gentile exclaimed. “Don’t you want to be rescued?”

The Jew said calmly, “Look, I live in a city with a big Jewish Federation. Last year, I donated a million dollars to them. The year before, I donated a million dollars to them. This year, wherever I am, they’ll find me!”

3. Two men are waiting for a train. The younger man asks the older man for the time, but the older man ignores him. After a while, the younger man again asks for the time and again the older man ignores him. Frustrated, the younger man finally asks, “Why won’t you answer me when I ask you for the time?”

The older man sighs and explains: “Look, if I tell you the time, we’ll start to talk. Then when the train comes, you might sit down next to me. Perhaps we’ll get to know each other, and maybe I’ll eventually invite you to my house for Shabbat dinner. Maybe then you and my daughter would really get along – why, you might even get engaged! And why would I want a son-in-law who can’t even afford a watch?”
Those were kind of lame. No real knee slappers in the bunch. I was expecting gold good sir. With a little effort jew could do better.

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Lush City
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Lush City »

Please feel free to contribute.
The only criteria is it should make everyone laugh.
If you have lost your sense of humor we're not going to help you find it.
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by ThirstyDrunk »

This channel was made for LushCity:
https://www.youtube.com/user/GuyWalksIntoBar
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Dear Booze »

Punchline only:

....so the Rabbi and the Priest both see the little boy. The Priest says "Wanna fuck him?"

And the Rabbi says "Outta what?"
DRINK!

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Lush City »

ThirstyDrunk wrote:
Sun Nov 25, 2018 7:45 pm
This channel was made for LushCity:
https://www.youtube.com/user/GuyWalksIntoBar
Yes, funny, very funny, made me laugh. Almost had a hernia. You're lucky, I could be suing you.
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by scream ale »

Dear Booze wrote:
Thu Nov 29, 2018 2:17 pm
Punchline only:

....so the Rabbi and the Priest both see the little boy. The Priest says "Wanna fuck him?"

And the Rabbi says "Outta what?"
Good one.

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by ThirstyDrunk »

did you know that 90% of japanese millionaires have cataracts??

the other 10% drive wrinkens.
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Nausea »

ThirstyDrunk wrote:
Sat Jun 08, 2019 11:12 am
did you know that 90% of japanese millionaires have cataracts??

the other 10% drive wrinkens.
You laike flai laice?
Don't worry. We're in no hurry.

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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Lush City »

ThirstyDrunk wrote:
Sat Jun 08, 2019 11:12 am
did you know that 90% of japanese millionaires have cataracts??

the other 10% drive wrinkens.
I thought they drove Chevrolets.
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by oettinger »

Model citizen: Drunk pilot drives to work in a cab
Drink!
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Lush City »

So this horse walks into this bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by oettinger »

Rodney Dangerfield a few drinks
Drink!
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by Lush City »

A panda bear goes into a bar and orders the bar lunch. He eats it then he pulls out a gun and shoots the bartender. As he's leaving, someone shouts, "You can't do that!". The panda says, "Oh yes I can, I'm a panda bear, look it up!" So they looked it up and it said: Panda bear is a furry creature that lives in the forest and eats, shoots and leaves.
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Re: The Crappy Jokes thread!

Post by ThirstyDrunk »

oettinger wrote:
Sun Feb 16, 2020 4:23 pm
Rodney Dangerfield a few drinks
Great stuff. Rodney is classic,
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought

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