How Do You Want to be Found Dead?

Lush City · Post by **Lush City** » Sun Aug 24, 2014 6:39 pm

Would love to go out with a whorehouse heart attack. But since I'm too cheap and can't get it up on demand anymore, why fight it? Since I live alone my fear is they won't find me for weeks. It will only be due to the stench of my abandoned corpse will anyone find me. Sorry for the dark post but this wasn't a smiley faced thread to begin.

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Mon Aug 25, 2014 2:27 am

I wonder if I would go to a whorehouse if I was a man? I kind of feel that it would be sort of weird. Like, I don't diss the girls who do that for a living, but I could never imagine doing it myself. Grumpy would not go to such a place, because it would make him feel badly about himself, but I don't think he has any strong hates on the girls and their customers. The only thing I do not understand, is pimps. Some scumbag ballsack takes a girl's money that she earned honestly on her back? What a loser he is! Maybe he ought to bend over and take a broomstick up his wazoo. For free.

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Mon Aug 25, 2014 2:27 am

And write a thank-you note afterward.

Mr. Viking · Post by **Mr. Viking** » Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:45 pm

Savage wrote:Well, what really frosts my Wheaties, is, I was sotally tober at the time of seize. I mean, at least let me have a good war story. And, to make matters more insulting, on my intake statement, I am, at various points of the three or four page document, described as "having recently imbibed alcohol", "patient does not smoke or drink", "suffering from alcohol withdrawal", has a history of ethanol abuse", --I do not have the pages in front of me, but apparently, I was drunk (no, not. I had milk and water the morning of my fishflopping fit); was suffering from alcohol withdrawal--well, the night before, Grumpy and I split a beer with our burritos, so, I guess NOT... or perhaps I never drink at all--I assure you, I never would have said such a thing, as I have a problem with my nose growing to the size of a sapling. And what the eff about a "history"? What mythical doctor sprang forth and told them I was a diagnosed dipsomaniac?
And by the way, Hemet Hospital, could you guys actually make the beds? Being strapped to an IV and trying to sleep in untucked, and I suspect, less than freshly laundered sheets, is not conducive to a good nights rest.

That's fucked. I usually ask for a printout of my notes. Note sure if it's rude or not, but it seems appropriate. A lot of mistakes are made due to incorrect notes.

Resident Asshole · Post by **Resident Asshole** » Wed Aug 27, 2014 6:34 am

Savage wrote:Well, what really frosts my Wheaties, is, I was sotally tober at the time of seize. I mean, at least let me have a good war story. And, to make matters more insulting, on my intake statement, I am, at various points of the three or four page document, described as "having recently imbibed alcohol", "patient does not smoke or drink", "suffering from alcohol withdrawal", has a history of ethanol abuse", --I do not have the pages in front of me, but apparently, I was drunk (no, not. I had milk and water the morning of my fishflopping fit); was suffering from alcohol withdrawal--well, the night before, Grumpy and I split a beer with our burritos, so, I guess NOT... or perhaps I never drink at all--I assure you, I never would have said such a thing, as I have a problem with my nose growing to the size of a sapling. And what the eff about a "history"? What mythical doctor sprang forth and told them I was a diagnosed dipsomaniac?
And by the way, Hemet Hospital, could you guys actually make the beds? Being strapped to an IV and trying to sleep in untucked, and I suspect, less than freshly laundered sheets, is not conducive to a good nights rest.

I was suffering from alcohol withdrawal the one time I've had a seizure. It has been I think 1 1/2 years since with no further symptoms. Stay hydrated is my motto and it has worked thus far. Good luck.

Resident Asshole · Post by **Resident Asshole** » Wed Aug 27, 2014 6:35 am

I've already told my mother and my wife that I figure I will go out while riding my motorcycle and I told them both not to feel bad for me if I go out while doing something I love.

Patchez · Post by **Patchez** » Wed Aug 27, 2014 6:38 am

Resident Asshole wrote:I've already told my mother and my wife that I figure I will go out while riding my motorcycle and I told them both not to feel bad for me if I go out while doing something I love.

No like button but your OK with me.

hossthomas · Post by **hossthomas** » Wed Aug 27, 2014 6:44 pm

I guess the most poetic end for me would be deep in Tennessee woods that I love so much, boots on, bottle in hand, with a toxicology reports that would astound people for years to come. Of course, there would have to be a notebook close by, if not gripped tightly to my chest.

That's a fantasy though; the most logical outcome for me is probably facedown in bed.

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Fri Aug 29, 2014 4:13 am

I will, actually, go out drenched in perfume, reeking of champagne, and talking on the phone with a nasty boy. Or my husband, which is pretty much the same thing. Point being, I will go out talking dirty. Oh, and I will have imbibed chocolate some time in the last hour.

Oh, and bourbon. Because, bourbon. yep.

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Fri Aug 29, 2014 4:15 am

I mean, seriously, did I mention bourbon?

Post by **oettinger** » Fri Aug 29, 2014 11:15 am

Lush City wrote: It will only be due to the stench of my abandoned corpse will anyone find me.

By that rule they would break my door every other sunday. On saturdays already when the russian buddy is staying over the weekend. "Gosh how many dead bodys is that sick fuck hiding in there?"

Mr. Viking · Post by **Mr. Viking** » Fri Aug 29, 2014 4:38 pm

in a chair, that I made myself, with homemade booze of some sort in my hand, of some sort of preventable disease (ie I made it myself)

Currently the most likely for me is still industrial accident (I nearly fell 10 feet off a walkway onto broken glass today, stopped only by my rotten leg which definitely felt weaker after) and that's the second, that I'll crash my car while driving to the doctor's surgery after finding infection in my nasty shin. Don't fall off mountain bikes folks, it doesn't hurt but it becomes annoying after a while

Lush City · Post by **Lush City** » Fri Aug 29, 2014 9:24 pm

Savage wrote:I wonder if I would go to a whorehouse if I was a man? I kind of feel that it would be sort of weird. Like, I don't diss the girls who do that for a living, but I could never imagine doing it myself. Grumpy would not go to such a place, because it would make him feel badly about himself, but I don't think he has any strong hates on the girls and their customers. The only thing I do not understand, is pimps. Some scumbag ballsack takes a girl's money that she earned honestly on her back? What a loser he is! Maybe he ought to bend over and take a broomstick up his wazoo. For free.

You don't understand the affect of big round tits on the average male. That is our true home. Let them suffocate us while we climax. I'm just a consumer not a producer. Pimps are on the way out as working women who are no longer dependent on mack daddy take care of their own business once they get free. They are treated well by upscale gentlemen. All the best to you my dear Savage. Hope all is well.

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Sun Aug 31, 2014 2:18 am

Lush City wrote:
Savage wrote:I wonder if I would go to a whorehouse if I was a man? I kind of feel that it would be sort of weird. Like, I don't diss the girls who do that for a living, but I could never imagine doing it myself. Grumpy would not go to such a place, because it would make him feel badly about himself, but I don't think he has any strong hates on the girls and their customers. The only thing I do not understand, is pimps. Some scumbag ballsack takes a girl's money that she earned honestly on her back? What a loser he is! Maybe he ought to bend over and take a broomstick up his wazoo. For free.
You don't understand the affect of big round tits on the average male. That is our true home. Let them suffocate us while we climax. I'm just a consumer not a producer. Pimps are on the way out as working women who are no longer dependent on mack daddy take care of their own business once they get free. They are treated well by upscale gentlemen. All the best to you my dear Savage. Hope all is well.

Okay, dude, I was talking about pimps, which stink on ice. And no, I got no bazooms. I be flatty patty. I be a small girl.

booznik · Post by **booznik** » Sun Aug 31, 2014 2:32 am

Can we get back to how do you want to be found dead? Well, anyway.

I want them to find me slumped in my chair, with an Everest-tall pile of empties in the kitchen, as in my habit. Scientists should be called in to discern how someone can drink that much and live.

Having a paper published on me would be a bonus.

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