How Do You Want to be Found Dead?

Smatter Noguts · Post by **Smatter Noguts** » Mon Jul 14, 2014 4:07 pm

It's been at least several of years since I, laying down in the yard face up and minding my own business was confronted by my wife's sister, THE MOTHER OF PREACHERS and asked,

"Is this the way you want to be found when you die?"

I was way too drunk to come up with the snappy reply at that moment, but once and a while try to think of something debauched and shocking for the next time she pulls the Day Of Judgement routine on me again.

I'm leaning toward being discovered with bottle of cheap vodka in one hand, a copy of Hustler in the other and my pants around my ankles, with a note written in lipstick stapled to my chest saying,

"He died doing what he loved."

When they 'found' Marilyn Monroe she was naked with the phone in one hand and a bottle of sleeping tablets in the other, and you have to hand it to Bobby Kennedy, he knew how to stage a tableu.

I dunno, maybe this is too soon for the board. Maybe the taste-o-meter will drive a Mod to say, "Smatter, you sick fuck, stay away for a while."

Sorry to offend if I have but those offended haven't got this far, probably. My apologies, but it;s gonna happen to all of us, right?

I'm just curious, Yellow.

Drinking Lafroig Quarter Cask paired with Founder's Dirty Bastard tonight.

Yes, I am a big dog shitting in the tall weeds.

Dear Booze · Post by **Dear Booze** » Mon Jul 14, 2014 5:55 pm

I think this is a very good topic and wish to give it some serious thought. I do not want to be "surrounded by my loved ones", as most people say. Simply because most of my loved ones are a pain in the ass. I think I'd like to be alone, half in the bag with a clean house. (Not sure why that last part is so important, but it is)

I'd also like to have "all my affairs in order", but I have no desire to get them that way.

Screwball · Post by **Screwball** » Mon Jul 14, 2014 6:10 pm

Just like my Grandma Otis:

Overdosed on shitty speed with 3 hookers in a Ford Pinto.

Post by **Judge** » Mon Jul 14, 2014 7:34 pm

Elvis was found dead taking a shit. So I don't know how you best the King.

ThirstyDrunk · Post by **ThirstyDrunk** » Mon Jul 14, 2014 8:16 pm

They'll find my body when they drain the vat.

JimLahey · Post by **JimLahey** » Mon Jul 14, 2014 10:12 pm

Probably in a big whorehouse of some sort, surrounded by booze.

booznik · Post by **booznik** » Mon Jul 14, 2014 10:51 pm

ThirstyDrunk wrote:They'll find my body when they drain the vat.

Probably no more fitting way for a thirsty drunk to go.

JimLahey wrote:Probably in a big whorehouse of some sort, surrounded by booze.

Even a big warehouse would do. Surrounded by booze, I think, is the key.

Whenever I go, I'm taking some Ethyl with me, because that's just the way I fall.

Post by **mistah willies** » Tue Jul 15, 2014 7:01 pm

Smatter Noguts wrote:It's been at least several of years since I, laying down in the yard face up and minding my own business was confronted by my wife's sister, THE MOTHER OF PREACHERS and asked,

"Is this the way you want to be found when you die?"

Ya know, that is a fucking excellent tale in and of itself

Yup.

Think about it a lot, actually. Short answer, don't want to be found. Maybe just do proper like a good ole dog and go off. No need to leave a mess to clean up. My old white faced Goldie, Skeedub (means Dude, in Penoby) will probably do that.

Cool answer, if I ws cool, would be:

bunjee jumpin form a parachute in the south pacific, a bottle of Kraken in one hand and my dad's 30 ought six hunting rifle in the other

Skeedub on his own parachute with a duck in his soft mouth

Frankennietzsche · Post by **Frankennietzsche** » Tue Jul 15, 2014 9:17 pm

Many years after my death, by an archaeolgist or somesuch, in a far-off corner of nowhere and, after much detectiving, I would like the sentiment to be something akin to "huh, so that's where he went."

Hardcore Stig · Post by **Hardcore Stig** » Wed Jul 16, 2014 5:54 am

I expect to just go missing one day, I don;t really anticipating them finding me.

If they do find me though, I'd like it to be underneath a dead polar bear with my teeth still around it's throat and at least a litre of spirits in my blood. Now that is a tale to tell the kids about their grandpa.

Rev. Dead Corpse · Post by **Rev. Dead Corpse** » Wed Jul 16, 2014 7:53 am

Lead Investigator - "How the hell did he end up there?"

Coroner's Technician - "We're not sure Sir. We're still trying to figure out which body parts belong to who. Looks like he put up a hell of a fight though..."

Lead Investigator - "Is that a bottle of Scotch in his right hand? At least he had good taste."

Palinka (RIP) · Post by **Palinka (RIP)** » Wed Jul 16, 2014 1:22 pm

After Armageddon, of course.

Post by **oettinger** » Thu Jul 17, 2014 12:16 pm

Talked about this topic alot with the russian buddy. We only talk about funny tidbits like these.
After living the life of a rockstar for two weeks on bank account overload:
Hanging from the ceiling without pants on found by trusters/debtees only for them to see your last 10 bugs are covered in leaked out body fluids right underneath you. Go get it greedy, money rules the world!

oldsmartskunk · Post by **oldsmartskunk** » Fri Jul 18, 2014 5:24 am

We don't think about inevitable too often, don't we? Might as well give it some thought. I guess i would like to be found in a hotel room with a dead porn star who overdosed on drugs. With a bottle of Jim beam in my hand. And rigga mortis set in in my erection!

Savage · Post by **Savage** » Sat Jul 19, 2014 3:35 am

How I expect/want it? How Grumpy is afraid of? How the worst ?

1. I'll fall over during one of my nocturnal night owl reading fests in my library, a nearly-finished bourbon on the shelf next to me, and a super book beside me.

2. He always says that he is afraid that he will come home from work and find me lying at the foot of the stairs, or below a stepladder. (I have terrible balance and vertigo problems.)

3. Months or years after a terrible auto accident, caused by an asshole texter. I would be like poor Christopher Reeve, and wish I was dead, every day.

Extra to #2: I'll die in my sleep, and my poor angel will awake to find my dead body, like that poor old fellow in Six Feet Under.

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