The "Bitch Drink" Drinker - need help by 9pm CST!!

[shawnonious]

Ok guys, so in about 9 hours, I'm meeting up with my buddy who has only ever drank once before, which was with me on his 21st going out to the bars. He drank bitch drinks. We're talkin' bitch bitch drinks and complaining about the taste of beer.

I will give him props, he took a shot of fireball like a champ. I'm going to have to work to get him into real whiskey though.

So anyways, we're going out to walmart and or the liquor store and stocking up on all kinds of booze, then going over to another buddy's place and avoiding the mardi gras crowd and just getting lit. Suggestions on a booze-arc to get the poor man off of his bitch drink phase? What would be the most efficient liquors to buy to get max different good drinks out of minimum numbers of liquor?

I was planning on making him do an inaugural Jameson bottle pull with me, mixing up white russians for a starter drink, Irish Coffees, gin and tonics. Not sure where else to go though. I'm a beer and whiskey on the rocks man.

[booznik]

Two words:

Rumple Minze

Well-frozen, if you can get it down to that temp.

[Smatter Noguts]

Does this "Bitch Drink" refer to a sweet foo-foo Singapore Sling / Blue Hawaiian / Strawberry Daquiri type thing?

I used to find that Everclear with Hawaiian Punch made for a great little micky for the uninitiated. Tequila can be hidden well by Squirt.

I guess the question is how hard do you want your friend to hurt tomorrow morning?

[NYDingbat]

I was planning on making him do an inaugural Jameson bottle pull with me, mixing up white russians for a starter drink, Irish Coffees, gin and tonics. Not sure where else to go though. I'm a beer and whiskey on the rocks man.

Jeekas!! You want a drink death spiral like that for a guy who's drank only ONCE?? Dude. You ever want him to drink again? Or live through this evening??

You can't just toss him into the 12 foot waves, ya gotta start him on the sand and let him wade into the water. And for fuck's sake, don't go throwin' that variety of hooch down his gullet since he's not used to it - you do and he'll feel like running into the arms of the Grim Reaper tomorrow and you, my man, will have lost a future drinkin' buddy. If you insist on starting him on whiskey or bourbon, I'd say an Old Fashioned - sweet for him, whiskey for you - and okay since you guys will be at home and not the douchebags at the busy bar ordering a labor intensive cocktail. Otherwise, I suggest a Manhattan - he'll probably need it on the rocks. Since he has a bit of a sweet tooth, he'll probably enjoy Captain and Coke as well. I know it ain't whiskey, but at least it ain't a Pink Lady.

I'm sure my esteemed colleagues can offer up superior ideas, but I thought I'd throw those out there to get ya started.

Report back and tell us what he drank and how he did!

[hossthomas]

Listen to the lady, she knows her shit. You can't just throw some absurd mix of different liquors at an amateur. That's a one way ticket to a monster hangover and a friend who never wants to drink with you again.

[Palinka (RIP)]

Yuppers, NYDingbat is, as usual, quite correct. Follow her instructions and you should end up with a booze-buddy for life.
'Nuff Said.

[JimLahey]

My vote is to throw him straight into deep water, but that's only because I'm interested in the story afterwards.

[Judge]

The lady is correct of course. Rum and coke is a decent drink but if it is too much like candy he'll drink too much for his low tolerance so watch the quantities and be prepared to guide him once he blacks out.

Why does this entire thread feel like advice on getting laid?

[booznik]

...Why does this entire thread feel like advice on getting laid?

Now that you mention it...

Is there an ulterior motive to this thread?

[Bur]

Cocaine. Piles of it.

[booznik]

Cocaine. Piles of it.

If that fails, piles of cookies. Especially if you're trying to get laid.

[Crimson]

If you'ra a good buddy yiu'll make sure he drinks something sweet like Rum&coke or a scredriver with some grenadine. Real white russians with Kahlua is the best! And give him water every other. I understand the drive to oush someone, but this is too easy and boring.He'll be puking his guts out by 8 pm - that's no fun! Give him something to snack on and get him moving - walking, dancing, whatever. Good luck!

[oldsmartskunk]

If yer a real pirate, make him chug rum!

[peetie44]

[booznik]

(horrifying image omitted)

Tried the cherry once. Mmm, the scintillating flavor of cough syrup mixed with base-level Beam.

Delicious.

But I'm not going to tell anyone what to drink. However, I would be concerned about turning someone off of drink.