THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

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ThirstyDrunk
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THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

Post by ThirstyDrunk »

The sun was just peeking over the horizon but the locals were already bustling. They knew the importance of their daily ritual and they were well prepared for it. The specifications had been laid out eaons ago and only the well practiced were allowed to perform the ceremony. Even in their morning bustle the locals all kept watch of the sun, watching for The Time of the Awakening.

The Sun climbed laboriously up the castle walls, slowing at times and once even sagging in doubt* before rising in full glory to the window everyone was watching. The Sun, in all of it's mighty power, was trepidatious yet proud of this moment every day when it carefully placed a specially produced newborn ray of sunshine into the eye of El Boozificator.
HE AWAKENS.

He reaches for his glass and though it may have been empty when he passed out, it was again full again this morning. Every morning. He sniffed. Yes, this is a good one. The people have done well. El Boozificator, the ruler of the land, stands in the window of his castle and gives a cheers and a smile to the adoring villagers, and they respond with a mighty CHEERS! They all drink. This is how the day begins.

It should be noted that El Boozificator is a benevolent ruler, the world is generally a happy place, it's drinking and laughing and drinking and singing and fighting and sexing and drinking. And laughing. Everybody's thing goes ding.

But there was a time. A time when a proper drink was not to be found in the morning. Awaken and The glass may be full of warm swill, chilled shite, or even worse the glass may be empty. Those were dark times. When he doesn't get his proper morning drink he takes it out on the locals the worst, but everyone feels it. Even if you're on the other side of the world you would get a bug in your eye. And the mood altogether shitty. Out of solace. And of course most of the elders remember when he made that hole in the sky. But they do not speak of it. Dark times indeed, and they will surely never happen again.

But today is a good day. The villagers and the world will celebrate another fine day of drinking, but El Boozificator knows this is a special day.



* The Suns great "Sagging In Doubt" caused the Ezralite tribe of the meridian archipelago to sacrifice all of their women to their god ( a lesser god named Douglas), thus causing their eventual demise which was of no great loss seeing as how the Ezralites were a band of 4 foot tall three toed hopping vegetarians with barely the intelligence to pick their noses (any one of three). And they were all sloppy belligerent drinkers.
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought

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Mr Boozificator
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Re: THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

Post by Mr Boozificator »

If only, if only...
"I never want to go to bed if there are still beers in the fridge, but then I am always hopeful that there are beers left in there when I wake up.". Thirstydrunk.

"We all look for happiness, but without knowing where to find it: like drunkards who look for their house, knowing dimly that they have one." Voltaire

"The prince of darkness is a gentleman." Shakespeare.

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Patchez
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Re: THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

Post by Patchez »

I could live in that world. Just away from the vegan midgets.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider

Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice

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ThirstyDrunk
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Re: THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

Post by ThirstyDrunk »

ThurstonDrunk wrote: El Boozificator knows this is a special day.
This is the day that will become known as "The Wreckoning"* , and unbeknownst to the common drunkard, this day could very possibly be the ruin of their accustomed lifestyle. A battle was nigh and the stakes are high, yet El Boozificator smiled sanguinely at the people of his kingdom, confident with his arsenal. He was confident as if he had premonitions of the outcome, yet this could be an end to the civilization over which he rules. Downplayed as he will, this is no minor skirmish.

The kingdom had been challenged. Challenged by a life form, an inter-spacial civilization that has remained undetected among us for many years. The challenge came to El Boozificator through a mediator ambassador from the watermelon beer planet who went by the name of Ript. Ript was a small, misfigured, slightly humanoid creature who delivered his message and swore allegiance to those who would bring dread upon the kingdom. Thus he was expedited unto the furnace, where his frail body created enough energy to produce about a half a bottle of low alcohol beer.

The message was delivered in a sealed cask with an abnormally large bunghole. The cask was taken into the party room and instructed not to be touched until all the generals and advisers had returned from their missions. Last to arrive was Admiral Patchez, returning from the base on the Meridian Archipelago. El Boozificator gave little notice of the importance of this meeting, but the sight of the great cask with its enormous bunghole, and the fact that all the greatest drinkers were in one place, gave them all a sense of the weight of this moment.

The bunghole was pierced and removed. An intoxicating fog permeated the room. El Boozificator moved closer to the cask and breathed deeply. Then they all heard the message.

The message said this: Beware humans, for we are the Ethylonians and we drink you...

*"the Wreckoning" became a holiday that was at one time an entire 30 day festival in which the main objective was to eat and drink and laugh and drink and dance and drink and punch a person in the mouth and pour liquor down their throat. Soon it started lasting longer than a month and now it is celebrated all year 'round in most places of the kingdom. But I don't wanna give away the ending...
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought

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Badfellow
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Re: THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

Post by Badfellow »

I find these Ethylonians of which you speak to be most intriguing. While upon my meditations, I have encountered similar beings who inhabit the vast drunkardian lattice inside the ethyl molecule. One of them attempted to drink me with club soda and a twist of lime. It was very disconcerting.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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Re: THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

Post by Mr. Viking »

Some say that he is so tall he has to pay a helper to drink from the bottom shelf
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Re: THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

Post by peetie44 »

Once upon a time, in a far-off French castle...

Image
"Man i once bought $101 worth of insect candy because it was free shipping on orders over 100 bucks." -- ThirstyDrunk

"I wanted a shark high on crack dumped into a piranha tank! I wanted college AD's to pull their human faces off, then dive at each other's lizard throats!" -- waahoohah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q01p7k6T ... e=youtu.be

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Smatter Noguts
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Re: THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

Post by Smatter Noguts »

Banned me once.

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Badfellow
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Re: THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

Post by Badfellow »

Smatter Noguts wrote:Banned me once.
At least it wasn't Sensitivity Training.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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Smatter Noguts
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Re: THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

Post by Smatter Noguts »

Bygones. Drinks all around.

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Surreal
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Re: THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

Post by Surreal »

Can we all pause and appreciate the fact that Thirsty-D used the word “sanguinely” at 4:50-something in the am.
fuck em man, it ain't easy walkin the righteous path.
- Hoss

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Badfellow
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Re: THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

Post by Badfellow »

Surreal wrote:Can we all pause and appreciate the fact that Thirsty-D used the word “sanguinely” at 4:50-something in the am.
Yeah, but "abnormally large bunghole" is pretty much par for the course.
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Surreal
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Re: THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

Post by Surreal »

Badfellow wrote:
Surreal wrote:Can we all pause and appreciate the fact that Thirsty-D used the word “sanguinely” at 4:50-something in the am.
Yeah, but "abnormally large bunghole" is pretty much par for the course.
I thought he was referring to RIPT
fuck em man, it ain't easy walkin the righteous path.
- Hoss

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Badfellow
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Re: THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

Post by Badfellow »

Surreal wrote:
Badfellow wrote:
Surreal wrote:Can we all pause and appreciate the fact that Thirsty-D used the word “sanguinely” at 4:50-something in the am.
Yeah, but "abnormally large bunghole" is pretty much par for the course.
I thought he was referring to RIPT
Oh, you mean Lord RIPT? That guy is sooooooo cool he has his own thread.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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ThirstyDrunk
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Re: THE LEGEND OF EL BOOZIFICATOR

Post by ThirstyDrunk »

Surreal wrote:Can we all pause and appreciate the fact that Thirsty-D used the word “sanguinely” at 4:50-something in the am.
I really think at thte time I knew what it meant, right now I can't for the life of me...
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought

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