little known facts about Oettinger

[oldsmartskunk]

he is know by a name of "gold eagle" by local junkies. He has a tendency to swoop on junkies cocks while making screeching noises.

[Artful Drunktective]

^^^ You forgot Gold BALD eagle.

[Badfellow]

Did somebody say eagle?

[Badfellow]

He has a tendency to swoop on junkies cocks while making PSHEWW! PSHEWW! noises with his Terminator 2 action figure.

Made a small adjustment on your behalf.

[oldsmartskunk]

He has a tendency to swoop on junkies cocks while making PSHEWW! PSHEWW! noises with his Terminator 2 action figure.

Made a small adjustment on your behalf.

Thank you sir, a job well done.This information has to reach public , otherwise we're doomed

[mistah willies]

I have never seen Oettinger drink water. Not a single drop. Not even when he was passed out in the lake this summer with his mouth open and fish swimming in and out.

He might be a hydrophobe.

I believe that water is oettinger-phobic.

Did you notice how he floats on top of it? It refused to have him inside it. It's deeply afraid of Oett.

Me too.

[Badfellow]

One of his many hobbies and pastimes... he licks bums. Not posteriors, mind you. But actual bums who congregate beneath the famous overhead monorail of Wupperheim village.

[Artful Drunktective]

He is Klaus Heisler the "American Dad's" sitcom family's attention-starved, hapless, saturnine pet goldfish. He is consultative and full of sage advice, sometimes even taking on a scholarly appearance and wearing reading glasses. Klaus is actually a man in a fish body. He was once an East German Olympic ski-jumper until his brain and presumably vocal cords were transferred into the body of a goldfish. The CIA did this to Klaus at the 1986 Winter Olympics to prevent him from winning the gold medal. This has resulted in Klaus becoming permanently trapped in the body of a goldfish, leaving him at times discontented and gloomy. Not confined to his fishbowl, he is often seen scooting himself about the Smith residence, reclined in a glass of water.

[Nausea]

...He is consultative and full of sage advice...

I could always use some sage advice from a fish.

Mr. Aqua Sage, WHY DID SHE LEAVE ME

[oettinger]

...He is consultative and full of sage advice...

I could always use some sage advice from a fish.

Mr. Aqua Sage, WHY DID SHE LEAVE ME

You drank too much, she ate too much. It was time to order from different menues

[Badfellow]

CODE NAME: Oettinger

REAL NAME: Gene Earl Lothar von Scheissehossen

RESIDENCE: Castle Wupperstein

AGE: 33 going on 18

BLOOD TYPE: Mostly ethanol and nicotine

FAVORITE FOOD: Beans

SUPERPOWERS:

*Can make Marlboros disappear at will

*Super stumble ability

*Stink powers and turbo mudbutt mode

[Artful Drunktective]

He sits at the kiddie table when he dines with his family.

[mistah willies]

Sometimes, his cigarettes smoke themselves.

I've seen it on Skype, after he passes out. Lights up, hangs there in midair, glowing.

It's pretty unnerving.

Don't tell him this. I don't want it to find me instead of him.

[Dear Booze]

He is Klaus Heisler the "American Dad's" sitcom family's attention-starved, hapless, saturnine pet goldfish. He is consultative and full of sage advice, sometimes even taking on a scholarly appearance and wearing reading glasses. Klaus is actually a man in a fish body. He was once an East German Olympic ski-jumper until his brain and presumably vocal cords were transferred into the body of a goldfish. The CIA did this to Klaus at the 1986 Winter Olympics to prevent him from winning the gold medal. This has resulted in Klaus becoming permanently trapped in the body of a goldfish, leaving him at times discontented and gloomy. Not confined to his fishbowl, he is often seen scooting himself about the Smith residence, reclined in a glass of water.

Klaus and Roger's relationship is best described as a sibling rivalry. At times they hate each other and at other times they get along well. Roger is seen to be incredibly spiteful toward Klaus and insists on trying to make him feel despised, saying things like "You can't participate Klaus, I hate you. I say that not out of anger but as a fact" in "Great Space Roaster" and "It's like you want to be kicked out of this family" in "The One That Got Away". Klaus does things to get Roger into trouble for his amusement, like when he tricked him in to eating Francine's potato salad in "Deacon Stan, Jesus Man". When a horrified Roger asked why Klaus would do something like that he just laughed and said "I'm German, it's what we do." In "A Piñata Named Desire", after Klaus made a comment about acting, Roger simply knocked Klaus's fish bowl across the room, smashed it against the wall, and walked out of the room as if nothing had happened while the fish lay gasping on the floor.

Among everyone else living in the Smith household, Klaus is very much the most aware and sensible of Roger's contemptuous, abusive, and insanely-vindictive nature of selfishness and lack of morality and occasionally tries to warn the rest of the family against listening to or getting involved him. Such instances, however, are ignored by everyone's naivety and general inability (or lack interest) to take most matters seriously or maintain remembrance to the fact that Klaus is a "man in a fish's body" rather than just a mere talking goldfish, as said in "Dr. Klaustus".

Klaus and Steve tend to get along consistently well, in contrast with other members of the family. With the possible exception of Roger, Klaus is the most frequently present member of the main cast in storylines concerning Steve and his friends, playing announcer for them when they wrestle, helping Snot deck out a basement, and telling Steve and Snot German stories. Like Roger, he is often critical of Steve's effeminate mannerisms, at one point asking him if he's "allergic to vaginas"

[Badfellow]

^^^
Dude, you have a serious Seth MacFarlane problem.