Shit Talkers Bar and Grill

[Tarcek]

if i pissed in my glass, i dont think id be able to tell it from the shit youve got on tap here.

[ThirstyDrunk]

if i pissed in my glass, i dont think id be able to tell it from the shit youve got on tap here.

Make up your mind - is it piss or shit?

[Badfellow]

if i pissed in my glass, i dont think id be able to tell it from the shit youve got on tap here.

Just pinched a monster grogan in your pint glass, mate. That's what you taste.



Tonight at Shit Talkers Bar and Grizzle:

*The whore from Red Bull will be passing out complimentary pills from her purse!
* $10 All-You-Can-Drink MD 20/20 shots before 6 PM!(*)
*Molesto the Clown will juggle his junk onstage and make creepy balloon figures 9-10 PM!
*Knife fights in the parking lot!


(*)Flavors limited to Kiwi Crack, Butterscotch and Ghetto Grape only. No substitutions.

[mistah willies]

Molesto the Clown?

Sir, I take offence, in the name of all that is nasty!

His name was Father Modesto of Fuckno, and he not only juggled balls, he gargled them.

For your penants,

Wait,

Pennats

peanuts

Pennacne

peasants

pennacnce

acne.

yes. Peanut ache

is there a gargle drink served in this shit hole?

[Badfellow]

is there a gargle drink served in this shit hole?

Hmmmm... I seem to remember a drink called the Pan-Galactic Gargle-Fucker. Or maybe it was called the Crappie Flopper.
You take a shot of 190 Everclear, chase it with a swig of fish sauce and horseradish, then you gargle it until you pass out.

[Badfellow]

Hello,

Is being tuesday night, and Russian disco is HOT at the Shit Talkers!
Please to give $5 cover charge for dance party, hosting by DJ Yuri Testikalich,
Then leaves drunk with Chechen prostitute!
Or maybe is bride? You are decide!

[Smatter Noguts]

Happy to see that kereoke night still features the conjoined twins pleasuring your mother simultaniously while hummng "Climb every Mountain".

[Badfellow]

Friday Morning Drink Special

S'all good, man

[ThirstyDrunk]

One of my favorite smells, the one that really kinda brings it all home, is the smell of a dank pub with a wet dog in the corner.
Cheers for that memory

[ThirstyDrunk]

Oh, I brought a bag of roller dogs from teh gas station, they were just gonna throw em away. Feast up lowlifes. Better than the shit they serve here, just needs sme hot sauce.
and I'll take a shot of Dickel #12 and a tall Pabst


I'm about to sit a food truck out here in the parking lot and shut down your dirty ass kitchen. That place is a fucking petri dish.

[ThirstyDrunk]

And I want the corner of the lot opposite from where i shit.
I gotta pinch one befor it pinches me

[Tarcek]

Give me a drirnk or ill break my glass and stab you in the throat. Plz, barkeep.

[oettinger]

Tonight they`ll premiere The excorcism of Butt Rose,
the premise sounds promising:
A 19-year old drunk named Butt Rose dies, attributed to self-inflicted wounds and malnutrition. After news of it spreads across bar, a secular bartender named Father Richard More is arrested and sent to brewery. The alcoholicdiocese wishes for Father More to plead loaded, in order for the incident to be covered up in cocktails. A lawyer named Erin Burner is provided to Father More to negotiate a beer deal, but Father More insists on pleading for more liquor. Burner takes the case, believing it will elevate her to senior drinker at her filthy party firm. Father More agrees to let her drink with him only if he is allowed to tell Butt's story.

The drinking begins with the calling of several liquor experts by the prosecutor, Ethyl Thomas and judge Brewster presiding. One expert testifies that Butt was suffering from both dryness and boardness. The defense contests that she may have actually been drunk but Burner explains that Butt was suffering from something that neither drink nor drug could explain, and that Father More as well as her family realized this and tried to help by turning her adrift.

Several flask-backs reveal the story leading up to the exorcism. Butt gets a scholarship to a distillery to study for a drinker's degree in evaporation. After long weekends pass, strange events occur. In her dorm room one night, at 3:00 PM, Butt smells a strange burning smell from the hallway. Attempting to investigate it, she sees a bottle open and shut itself several times. She then sees a drinking material jar move by itself. Butt sees her butt covers roll themselves down, and a great weight pins her in a bar along with a force which also proceeds to fuddle her and seemingly to possess her momentarily. Through these episodes Butt wonders if they are true or just a drunk hallucination. She drinks on and laughs at more of these visions such as people's faces demonically distorting, and being unable to drink. She is hospitalized, and diagnosed with dryness. Neither anti-dryness medications and treatment cures her...

[oettinger]

El duce is also there,

[Badfellow]

Holy shit biscuits.

Is cheeseburger gut in the fedora wearing any pants? We need to book these guys for a show.