BADFELLOW FOR PRESIDENT

[Badfellow]

I'm all for Minnesota seceding into Canada, texas into Mehico., this place hasn't been great for at least 10 years...

Colorado has been part of California since the Clinton administration. When elected, be assured that I will be drunk, possibly stoned, and that all of these issues will be settled over a friendly game of Yatzee. Yes, my fellow Americans, it is an irrevocable truth that a Led Zeppelin cannot fly unless you get high.

Here's some of the other unbelievably fucked up shit I endorse:

-Malt liquor and xanex subsidies for school lunch programs.

-Nuke the whales.

-Replace judicial system with Bingo Sentencing Wednesdays, death penalties on the coverall.

-Build a liquor pipeline from Kentucky directly to my liver using slave labor.

-$420 billion immediate funding for the Drunkard Liberation Front.

-Legalize human consumption of cat food for German refugees.

-Tax credits for masturbation.

Here' to all our fallen comrades! Mayhem Patrick, Liz, Schmernie died for this.

There we have the face of Mt. Drunkmore.

[Mr. Viking]

sorry to hear your campaign failed. America's loss is history's lesson

[Badfellow]

sorry to hear your campaign failed. America's loss is history's lesson

No worries, loyal supporter.

If the armed insurrection fails, there's always the option of picking up Deez Nuts as a running mate in 2020. I'm assured by my friends at Langley that Trump will suffer from a fatal bout of diarrhea sometime shortly after inauguration. That leaves the door wide open for my trojan puppet Mikey Pence, an android who's subroutines could be hacked by a Russian teenager with an Apple IIe. Would you like to see him perform the macarena?

[oettinger]

sorry to hear your campaign failed. America's loss is history's lesson

No worries, loyal supporter.

If the armed insurrection fails, there's always the option of picking up Deez Nuts as a running mate in 2020. I'm assured by my friends at Langley that Trump will suffer from a fatal bout of diarrhea sometime shortly after inauguration.

Rumor is, they sent Squalor Man.

If true, Mr Trump is in more danger than I thought

[Badfellow]

Rumor is, they sent Squalor Man.

Ah, not Squalor Man, but rather Squalor Men. In my comprehensive genetic manipulation program, we have been successful in creating a super race of squalor beings with startling capabilites. It's similar to the motion picture Universal Soldier starring Jean Claude Van Damme, except that the trailer is full of shit and up on blocks, and they all wear stained wife beaters and drink Old English 800 while they watch Judge Judy and scratch their nuts.

While I cannot openly support a squalor strike upon the Trump regime, neither can I discourage the people of the world from exercising their squalor freedoms, or from taking the pudhammers of their own destinies firmly into hand.

Brothers, sisters and Constantin, our day is coming soon!
Viva borracho!
FUBAR uber alles!

[NYDingbat]

Endorsed!!

[Lush City]

Is this another campaign of shameless self promotion?

[oettinger]

Is this another campaign of shameless self promotion?

I`d say no

He doesm`t inquire about recounting the vodka shots
Burger-gate emails were obviously true. I mean, these people met up and drank underaged whisky
The only thing dripping through his wall is Tequila
His first empty bottle... -ahem lady, will be someone of good western value, like moonshine

[Patchez]

What the honest fuck?

[Lush City]

If there is a Hell below
We all gonna go
-- Curtis Mayfield

[Badfellow]

Is this another campaign of shameless self promotion?

You are clearly bucking for Secretary of Something, or perhaps Director of the United States Police Force. But, like my old buddy Bill Cooper used to say before the troopers filled his ass full of jacketed hollow points, "It doesn't matter what you believe; if they believe it, you're fucked".

Keeping in touch with the kids these days is a daunting task for dawdling, old drunks such as yourself. However, I have the utmost confidence in your ability to exploit the full potential of retro-hipsterism in the neo Badfellowian era of the industrial booze and military complex. You can't be any older than Henry Kissinger, right?

As for the Trilateral Commission, they have a nice Sunday brunch where we drink mimosas out of Amschel Rothschild's palladium plated skull. And, there's crepes! We are making crepes great again! And that's progress you can put in your pipe and smoke! God bless, motherfuckers!


Okay, how about Secretary of Xylophone Solos?

[Badfellow]

I will also approve the use of thermoliquorlar weapons against ISIL forces based on Allah Luna 1 and Islamic Mars. The bottom-shelf dispersal system is in full compliance with Geneva Blackout Convention rules, a fine aerosol mist of the worst 100 proof vodka imaginabe, mixed with dark matter Kraken molecules and ham scented, infidel gingivitis.

[Badfellow]

If there is a Hell below
We all gonna go
-- Curtis Mayfield

Ain't God who's got the beat-
It's the Devil who taps his feet
-Endrunkening

[whiskeyprick]

As a fellow Briantologist, I have to agree with him. BF2020!

[Lush City]

Oh God, I need a hernia belt! You're all killing me! I thought Jackie Mason was funny.