The Hole

A place for general talk.

Moderators: Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, Judge, oettinger, Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator

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oettinger
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Re: The Hole

Post by oettinger »

Wait, there is bar tendering at the hole? I thought it was open season like always

Oh and five dollar whores for a quarter. Yes yes
Drink!
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Badfellow
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Re: The Hole

Post by Badfellow »

THIS IS A BROADCAST OF THE EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM. THIS IS NOT A TEST. ALL RESIDENTS OF HOLE COUNTY SHOULD IMMEDIATELY SEEK SHELTER AT SHIT TALKERS BAR & GRILL.
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Badfellow
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Re: The Hole

Post by Badfellow »

oettinger wrote:
Sun May 12, 2019 6:46 pm
I thought it was open season like always
It's duck season.
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Badfellow
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Re: The Hole

Post by Badfellow »

It's wabbit season.
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Re: The Hole

Post by Badfellow »

It's space monkey season!
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Re: The Hole

Post by Badfellow »

It's vodka season!
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Re: The Hole

Post by Badfellow »

Wagner & Fudd: it's Kill The Wabbit season.
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Lush City
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Re: The Hole

Post by Lush City »

You never know you are in a hole until you try to get out. Think about that then have a drink on me.
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
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ThirstyDrunk
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Re: The Hole

Post by ThirstyDrunk »

Lush City wrote:
Sat May 18, 2019 9:04 pm
You never know you are in a hole until you try to get out. Think about that then have a drink on me.
Cheers Lush
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought

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Dear Booze
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Re: The Hole

Post by Dear Booze »

This weekend THE HOLE will celebrate Memorial Day, the most ironic holiday in the United States because, if done correctly, people do not remember a god damned thing about it.

Each year, on the last Monday in May, Americans honor and pay tribute to those who died serving in the military. Management at The Hole answers some commonly asked questions about the day:

Q: What is Memorial Day?
A: A holiday to honor and pay tribute to those who died serving in the military and to celebrate the fact that everyone in Alpha Phi is done with finals.

Q: Is Memorial Day the same thing as Veterans Day?
A: No, Memorial Day is held on the last Monday in May, Veterans Day is held on November 11. On veterans Day, we honor all veterans of the armed services. On Memorial Day we only honor those veterans who died in serivice.

Q: I know the holiday was originally called Decoration Day and commemorated those who lost their lives during the Civil War, but I forget: Was it created by Abraham Lincoln or Andrew Johnson?
A: No, dumbfuck. You’re thinking of Maj. Gen. John A. Logan.

Q: What are some Memorial Day traditions?
A: Placing flowers on graves of those who paid the ultimate sacrifice while serving their country, spending time in quiet reflection of what it means to live in a free country, remembering freedom isn't free, and getting kicked out of The Olive Garden.

Q: Why are parades such a widespread part of Memorial Day?
A: They aren't, dipshit. You're thinking about Veterans Day.

Q: It's amazing that so many Americans lost their lives during the Civil War. More than during any other war or conflict!
A: That's not really a question, you stupid motherfucker. It's a really dumb statement. The reason why there were so many deaths during the Civil War was because there were only Americans who fought during the war. Get it? Both sides were American. Who else do you think would die? Fuck!

Q: Where is the best place to celebrate Memorial Day?
A: There’s no cover and two-for-one drink specials at The Hole.

Q: What’s the most respectful way to celebrate the holiday?
A: Make sure to order on the rocks or straight up, nothing frozen.

Fun Fact:

Did you know? Each year on Memorial Day a national moment of remembrance takes place at 3:00 p.m. local time. Shitfinger Shelly will use this break in action to grab a quick smoke in the alley.

Come on down and take advantage of a fully paid day off while you get crippling drunk.
DRINK!

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mistah willies
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Re: The Hole

Post by mistah willies »

Dear Booze wrote:
Sun May 26, 2019 12:07 pm
...
Q: What’s the most respectful way to celebrate the holiday?
A: Make sure to order on the rocks or straight up, nothing frozen.

Fun Fact:

Did you know? Each year on Memorial Day a national moment of remembrance takes place at 3:00 p.m. local time. Shitfinger Shelly will use this break in action to grab a quick smoke in the alley.

Come on down and take advantage of a fully paid day off while you get crippling drunk.
Never gets said enough: friggin drink to these each time, yessah.

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Dear Booze
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Re: The Hole

Post by Dear Booze »

13 Days of Halloween At The Hole

Spend 13 Days of Halloween at The Hole, the entire universe’s favorite bar and place to celebrate every single red letter day known to man.

Inspired by Blood

During this time of the year, many places will offer food or drink with red colors. It seems almost mandatory to have red tomato soup on their menus which can be named for Halloween as a “vampire blood “. Yea, we get it. It looks kind of cool when they serve it in laboratory tubes. Those nickel nosed fuckers charge ten dollars for a fucking test tube full of tomato soup! Here at The Hole, we promise to NEVER take advantage of our loyal customers by employing such shameless practices. We vow to serve each and every cocktail, beer, glass of wine, pretzel, cracker, peanut, and poo poo platter item with a minimum of three drops of real blood. Because, after all, if you’re going to spend an extra ten dollars of your hard earned money, you deserve the real thing. Right?

Inspired by Fire

Starting October 18, all cocktails will be served with genuine fire. That’s right, we spare no efforts for dramatic flair. Here at The Hole, we will ONLY serve flaming cocktails. Be sure to try our world famous Flaming Franzia, Flaming Gin & Flat Tonic, Flaming Wolfschmidt & Water, or the Flaming Beer Refreshing Hamm's the Flaming Beer Refreshing Hamm's the Flaming Beer Refreshing...

Inspired by Hell

Here at The Hole, We promise to keep the heater turned up to a toasty 130 degrees fahrenheit. Plus, thanks to a special deal with the local Department of Corrections, we have employed five Adult Offender Work Program participants as official “stabbers” and “pokers”. From October 18, and lasting through October 31, every minute, on the minute, our new little Satan’s helpers will poke and/or stab each and every patron with a pitchfork, icepick, knife, razor blade or shiv.

Inspired by Fear

Here at The Hole, we want to make sure you get a good fright for Halloween. That's why we are tickled pink to spill the beans on a little secret we've been keeping: Remember all those speed fucking contests we've held during the past year? Well, four of the participants weren't just regular patrons. They were "actors" we hired for an elaborate Halloween prank. And each one of them is infected with AIDS. Not HIV, but full-blown AIDS.

Inspired by Death

On October 31, The Hole will offer free* HIV tests.


* Offer good only for customers who spend $1,000 or more during this promotion.
DRINK!

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oettinger
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Re: The Hole

Post by oettinger »

I don`t know man, testing my HIV if it was free?

You`re free HIV, your freee, fly little fuckersdeaseeee
Drink!
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Lush City
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Re: The Hole

Post by Lush City »

Dear Booze wrote:
Thu Oct 17, 2019 6:21 am
13 Days of Halloween At The Hole

Spend 13 Days of Halloween at The Hole, the entire universe’s favorite bar and place to celebrate every single red letter day known to man.

Inspired by Blood

During this time of the year, many places will offer food or drink with red colors. It seems almost mandatory to have red tomato soup on their menus which can be named for Halloween as a “vampire blood “. Yea, we get it. It looks kind of cool when they serve it in laboratory tubes. Those nickel nosed fuckers charge ten dollars for a fucking test tube full of tomato soup! Here at The Hole, we promise to NEVER take advantage of our loyal customers by employing such shameless practices. We vow to serve each and every cocktail, beer, glass of wine, pretzel, cracker, peanut, and poo poo platter item with a minimum of three drops of real blood. Because, after all, if you’re going to spend an extra ten dollars of your hard earned money, you deserve the real thing. Right?

Inspired by Fire

Starting October 18, all cocktails will be served with genuine fire. That’s right, we spare no efforts for dramatic flair. Here at The Hole, we will ONLY serve flaming cocktails. Be sure to try our world famous Flaming Franzia, Flaming Gin & Flat Tonic, Flaming Wolfschmidt & Water, or the Flaming Beer Refreshing Hamm's the Flaming Beer Refreshing Hamm's the Flaming Beer Refreshing...

Inspired by Hell

Here at The Hole, We promise to keep the heater turned up to a toasty 130 degrees fahrenheit. Plus, thanks to a special deal with the local Department of Corrections, we have employed five Adult Offender Work Program participants as official “stabbers” and “pokers”. From October 18, and lasting through October 31, every minute, on the minute, our new little Satan’s helpers will poke and/or stab each and every patron with a pitchfork, icepick, knife, razor blade or shiv.

Inspired by Fear

Here at The Hole, we want to make sure you get a good fright for Halloween. That's why we are tickled pink to spill the beans on a little secret we've been keeping: Remember all those speed fucking contests we've held during the past year? Well, four of the participants weren't just regular patrons. They were "actors" we hired for an elaborate Halloween prank. And each one of them is infected with AIDS. Not HIV, but full-blown AIDS.

Inspired by Death

On October 31, The Hole will offer free* HIV tests.


* Offer good only for customers who spend $1,000 or more during this promotion.
The Addams family just in moved in next door to me. Morticia is hotter than fruit but Gomez looks like a homicicial maniac. Better to stay away but be friendly. Don't need Uncle Fester coming around!
Found myself in the Matrix and took the red pill. Now I want the blue pill and my bottle and leave me alone.
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Dear Booze
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Re: The Hole

Post by Dear Booze »

Tonight only, don't miss RETRO NIGHT at THE HOLE

That's right, motherfuckers, tonight only, starting at 6:00 P.M. you do not want to miss the biggest and best party on the planet as we transport ourselves back in time and party like it's December 18, 2019!

It was a simpler time. Cats dominated the boxoffice, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were still Royals, the number 1 song was Roxanne by Arizona Zervas, and the best selling car in America was the Toyota Camry (wow, remember that?).

Who remembers Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker? All the music, fashions, styles, and fads will be brought back to the future. Come dressed as your favorite character from the hit December, 2019 TV Show, Stumptown and be ready to do your best impression of DJ Khaled or Kylie Jenner.

And we have a surprise that everyone will love: we're rolling back drink prices to December 18, 2019 too! Yup, all well drinks are only $8.

Come early for the "Floss" dance competition.

Facts about December 18, 2019:
It was a Wednesday.
It was the 352nd day of the year.
There were 13 days left in the year.

As they used to say back on December 18, 2019, SEE YOU THERE!
DRINK!

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