The Hole

[Lush City]

This is a weird place and nothing is as it seems otherwise you are a total douche bag.
Here's anther tip: quit trolling Thirsty. You will only look bad with a black eye and your mouth poked out looking for a drink.

[oettinger]

Oh Lush...

I love you for pint point analytics like these

[hereforthebeer]

what is the hole i'm still trying to understand it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_cont ... 1gPSvXB3xc

9:15 i dont think that has any place, in this low place?

[Dear Booze]

what is the hole i'm still trying to understand it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_cont ... 1gPSvXB3xc

9:15 i dont think that has any place, in this low place?

What is The Hole?

Holy Shit. It's only the best bar in the world. Even better than Club Applebees.

Come on in and have a drink. We have a special promotion going on today. Buy one drink and one prostitute at regular price and get a free case of scabies.

[oettinger]

I once stepped into one. Lost a leg, had no fun

[Artful Drunktective]

Uh....I beg to differ. At least Club Applebee's has a bad ass appetizer menu. I don't want the turd nuggets you have to offer with the scabie ridden hooker.

[Artful Drunktective]

I prefer the pupu platter offerings at the latest newest gay bar called Connie'z Prawnz.

[Badfellow]

I had the crab platter at Connie's Prawn & Whine Bar. Gave me a severe case of the trots. Next time, I'm going to Arby's with a hooker and a bottle of Black Velvet.

[Dear Booze]

Twas the night before Christmas, and there at The Hole,
I was achieving my inebriation goal.
The drunks were all singing an out-of-tune carol,
And the street walkers were dressed in skimpy apparel.

I'd had many pulls from the beer tap this day,
And ran out of money, with no method to pay.
I sat at the bar for a long long while,
Hoping they'd accept a Marlboro Mile.

I'd come to The Hole for but for one special reason,
To avoid all the shit related to this stupid season.
I shouted to Shelly, "I need one more drink,"
So she delivered a glass with fingers that stink.

She served many shots to a large drunken group,
Before heading to the toilet to take another "poop".
With Shelly in the bathroom taking a shit,
I started making drinks from where I did sit.

I reached over the bar and removed from the shelf,
Seven separate bottles to make drinks for myself.
I poured and I mixed, and I shook and I stirred.
I worked quick while Shelly grunted a turd.

With Brandy, with Tequila, with Triple Sec too.
Gotta make drinks while Shelly's going doo-doo.
With Vodka, with Bourbon, with Gin and with Rum,
Drink away, drink away, I'll have another one.

With my belly full of Christmas cheer,
I knew from the clock that closing time was near,
So tried to stand up, with the bar for support,
And I felt myself piss into my shorts.

As my boot filled up and a puddle did pool,
I was reminded of the meaning of Yule.
"It's Christmas, motherfucker, and you pissed on my floor!"
Ol' Jimmy Lester showed me the door.

With my noggin a bangin, the door opened wide,
And Ol Jimmy Lester shoved me outside.
More fearsome than Attilla the Hun,
He yelled in my face "get the fuck out, you're done!"

"And don't come back," I could here him shout,
And suddenly I knew what Christmas is about.
And I laughed a last laugh and was merry this day.
The stupid motherfuckers forgot to ask me to pay.

[oettinger]

Do you expect something for free after this?

[Badfellow]

Do you expect something for free after this?

Perhaps he's attempting to court your apple bottom in anticipation of your Vegas rendezvous?

[oettinger]

Do you expect something for free after this?

Perhaps he's attempting to court your apple bottom in anticipation of your Vegas rendezvous?

You nailed both of us

[Lush City]

Twas the night before Christmas, and there at The Hole,
I was achieving my inebriation goal.
The drunks were all singing an out-of-tune carol,
And the street walkers were dressed in skimpy apparel.
snip...

Brilliant! Fucking drunkard brilliant! Tom Waits is in need of some writers, I'm told.

[Dear Booze]

Recent Yelp review:

Shelly Smythe
26 reviews
14 followers

If Yelp would give me the choice to give this place less than one star, I would have done that. This place was really bad. Just awful. What is worse than the very worst place on the planet? Whatever it is, THAT is what Th Hole IS!

My husband and I stopped in for a quick drink before heading to see a movie. We were "greeted by nobody. There was just two other customers in the place and one female bartender who seemed too busy flirting with one of the toothless junkie customers to event make eye contact with us. After several minutes, she finally noticed us and asked "whatcha havin'?" We ordered two drinks and both recieved something completely different. I mean NOT EVEN CLOSE! I wanted a Cosmo and got some sort of mint flavored whiskey. My husband asked for a Bombay and tonic but received a lite beer of some sort.

When we pointed out the mistake, the bartender said "FUCK OFF!"

And then we heard one of the customers ask her if she wanted him to "kick their asses," while he pointed at us.

I will never be back.





Reply from owner of establishment:

Jimmy Lester
908 replys

Fuck you. That wasn't a customer. That was me she was talking to you. You should be ashamed to order such faggotty drinks. You got what you needed, not what you THINK you needed. You are welcome. Since you don't appreciate anything, I sincerely hope you die. SOON.

Oh, and by the way "received" is spelled with the "i" following the "e"... as in "i before e, except after c".

Fucking idiot.

[Dear Booze]

Recent Yelp review:

Food Freak
1195 reviews
362 followers

I'm posting this review from the toilet in my hotel room. I have no other choice as I have the worst case of diarrhea that I have ever experienced.

It all started when I stopped into The Hole for a few quick drinks before heading up the street to my hotel room. I am visiting the area for the funeral of my mother, which is scheduled to start in about five minutes. Sadly, I have no ability to leave the bathroom at this time. I am praying for a miracle.

It was about 9:00 last night when I made the worst choice of my life - when I walked through the door of the worst bar I've ever imagined. I found a seat at the bar and asked for a list of specialty drinks. The bartender, a gal named Shelly, said "we don't have no menus, but I'll make you somethin special, honey."

I should have been suspicious when the three other patrons started laughing really hard.

A few moments later, Shelly placed a glass of what looked like a Manhattan in front of me. It was strong, but I drank it quickly, paid , left a good tip, and left. I wasn't even checked into my room before I knew that I needed to get to a toilet. Fast.

I called The Hole to let them know that they might need to change out the mix, or the ice bin, or something, because I was definatly sick. But the person on the other end just said "FUCK OFF," and then hung up on me.




Reply from owner of establishment:

Jimmy Lester
909 replies

Fuck you. That what you get for asking for a faggotty drink menu. You got what you deserved. I sincerely hope you die from diarrhea. SOON.

Fucking idiot.