The Hole

[Savage]

There's a hole in my chest, where my heart used to be

[oettinger]

Here`s a fresh one

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And now drink girl!

[scream ale]

Here`s a fresh one

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And now drink girl!

Here's a not so fresh one

[oettinger]

Lol Courtney, stop it, she doesn`t know. Oh wait it`s Brittaney? Even worse

[Dear Booze]

Unleash Your Patriotic Spirit at the HOLE's Epic Memorial Mayhem Bash!

Attention, party patriots! Prepare to have your socks blown off and your taste buds salute as we kick off the most explosive Memorial Day celebration in town!

Dive into a Sea of Fucking Freedom:
Step foot into our bar and be transported to an exhilarating dimension where fireworks become your personal cheerleaders, and every sip of your drink screams "FREEDOM!" Our bartenders are ready to shake, stir, and ignite your taste buds with libations so extraordinary they make the Founding Fathers look like a bunch of pussies.

Battle of the Booze Brigade:
Join the ranks of the Booze Brigade as we engage in an epic showdown of drink specials! From the fearless "Liberty Lemonade" (made with real artificial lemon flavoring) to the explosive "Firecracker Shots" (made with real gunpowder), our arsenal of creatively named cocktails will leave you with a victory hangover worth celebrating.

Unleash Your Inner Grill Commando:
Who needs a white picket fence when you can have an all-out barbecue battlefield? Suit up with a fireproof apron and show off your grilling skills as you conquer mountains of meat, blazing barbecue ribs, and literally murder your opponents. Remember, in this culinary combat, the first rule of Grill Commando is: don't talk about Grill Commando.

Rock the Red, White, and Blue:
Prepare to get your groove on as our live band, "Fuckface Fred and the Star-Spangled Jammers," takes the stage with electrifying renditions of all your favorite patriotic anthems. Sing along at the top of your lungs, wave your miniature American flags, and dance like you're getting shot at.

All Hail the Patriotic Games:
Think you have what it takes to dominate in our Memorial Day-themed games? Engage in exhilarating contests like "Declaration of Chug-Independence," "Full Contact Colonial Cornhole Clash," and "Revolutionary Beer Enema Squirting for Distance and Accuracy." It's time to show off your skills and claim your rightful place as the ultimate patriot champion!

Prizes Fit for a Patriot:
As you celebrate this momentous occasion, keep your eyes peeled for surprise giveaways that will leave you shouting, "God bless America! I Love Free Shit!" We've got a treasure trove of patriotic swag, including limited-edition government cheese, party hats adorned with eagle feathers, and must-have "I ❤️ USA" fanny packs. Be prepared to become the most fashionable freedom fighter in town!

Yep, you'll be an asshole if you miss this once-in-a-lifetime extravaganza of fantastic fuckery! Grab your party platoon and march your way to the bar that bleeds liberty and bubbles with joy. Let's raise our glasses to honor the heroes who've fought for our freedom and create unforgettable memories on this remarkable Memorial Day celebration!

Remember if you celebrate Memorial Day at THE HOLE, you won't remember shit.

[Badfellow]

Don’t listen to this guy.

He will force your kids to be transgendered and salute the LBGTQ3=+THEHOLE flag.

[Dear Booze]

Here at THE HOLE, we take the high road and never stoop to negative advertising or shit slinging. As a matter of fact, we refuse to even mention the name of less than reputable establishments such as Shit Talkers Bar & Grill.

While the owners of the unnamed establiblishment, Shit Talkers Bar & Grill, might aspire to be the bar of choice of American drinkers and their immediate families and friends and neighbors, they are not. Instead, they are only out to inflict Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV), resulting in Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome (AIDS) on all members of the public. That's right, they want to kill you.

Remember if any actions, conditions, or incidents occur at THE HOLE, which result in death to you or a loved one, we assure you that it will be accidental as well as quick and painless, unlike what the unnamed place has in store.

So celebrate Memorial Day at THE HOLE unless you want to die from AIDS.

[oettinger]

So you`re saying the syringes I found on the bathroom floor of the Hole are cleaner then the one`s I picket up earlier today at ST&G?

I might go down to she Shed, I`ve never heard of getting AIDS from a fentanyl vaccination

[scream ale]

Is the Shed too upper class for drink specials?

[oettinger]

Is the Shed too upper class for drink specials?

Yes brother, only assholes go there to wine and wine

[Dear Booze]

Celebrate INDEPENDENCE DAY at THE HOLE

This year's celebration will be bigger and better than ever. Not only will every customer be guaranteed to be one drink away from the emergency room, staff will also be hammered. "They'll be so drunk," says bar owner Jimmy Lester, "they will have no idea who they are, how to tie their shoes, what day it is, or how to make drinks."

But this is better than a simple great idea, it's a contest. That's right, all patrons and staff will compete to see who has the highest blood alcohol content. The winner will receive the honors of lighting off the large collection of fireworks which were recently purchased in Tijuana.

To make this fair, we've hired a genuine doctor to administer a simple blood test for every patron and employee every ten minutes.

Dr. Steve Evans is a non-board certified plant science specialist and knows a thing or two about drinking. He has managed to build quite a tab at the bar and has agreed to work it off by participating in this event. Furthermore, Dr. Evans will be exactly 1.00 BAC the entire day. No more, no less. The staff is legally bound to monitor and maintain the good doctor's alcohol intake.

So come on down and celebrate freedom at THE HOLE. Unless you're some kind of Nazi or Communist or something.

[Badfellow]

Found a missing finger in a drink I ordered here. Pretty sure it was a middle one too.

[oettinger]

That Tijicana explosions are mine. I trust Dr. Evans