Wellsonoabitch....

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greygoose1
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Wellsonoabitch....

Post by greygoose1 »

I know that I'm among the landed gentry, well-mannered types that smack each other across the face with bottles when they wish to duel so I'm confident that everyone here knows that you're supposed to have an esophagus. So last Sunday night I'm sitting on the kitchen floor around 4 a.m. eating ruby red grapefruit sections. Now this particular fruit is like meth to me; I could binge on the shit for days. The problem is that sometimes I eat too fast and have to yak it back up. So that happened. Went back to bed and, being a complete dumbass, got back up and repeated. Only this time, I yak a second time and then a 3rd. On the 3rd one, my esophagus just gave me a big 'fuck you' and ruptured. So I've got ruby red grapefruit sections floating around in my pleural cavities; this is not a good start to the work week....

Goddamn, so I'm coughing up blood on the floor, trying to tell Mama Goose to call the EMT's, the dogs are going batshit and our daughter has 2 friends sleeping over because there wasn't any school on President's Day (FUCK you, President's Day). I'm told I was reasonable when we got to the hospital but, as is my wont occassionally, I started acting like a dickhead so they had to sedate and entubate me.. I wake up 3 days later on a Dilaudid drip and a less-than-pleased thoracic surgeon lecturing me. And all I can think is "wonder if they got any ruby red grapefruit around this piece".

Anyway, supposed to be discharged tomorrow. I could go for a voddie with ruby red grapefruit juice.
"...there's no app for a bourbon buzz on a warm day in a cool, dark bar. The world will always want a drink".
~Gillian Flynn

'Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right'
~Isaac Asimov

A person can work up a mean, mean thirst
after a hard day of doing nothing much at all...
~The Replacements

nelson
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Re: Wellsonoabitch....

Post by nelson »

Hey, at least you've learnt from this experience!

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peetie44
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Re: Wellsonoabitch....

Post by peetie44 »

DAMN, goose...you okay?
"Man i once bought $101 worth of insect candy because it was free shipping on orders over 100 bucks." -- ThirstyDrunk

"I wanted a shark high on crack dumped into a piranha tank! I wanted college AD's to pull their human faces off, then dive at each other's lizard throats!" -- waahoohah

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Smatter Noguts
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Re: Wellsonoabitch....

Post by Smatter Noguts »

Welcome back! I'm thinking Sailor Jerry, Marashino juice and the grapefruit blended with ice would fix you right up!

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Re: Wellsonoabitch....

Post by Frankennietzsche »

"Pulp can move, baby!"
“Süßen witwe Mutter-Hosen — kommst du hier mit mein knackenpfeife schnell, oder Ich zeige Ihnen mein Zuhälter Hand!”

"I am going to pistol-whip the next person who says 'shenanigans' "

"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"

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ThirstyDrunk
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Re: Wellsonoabitch....

Post by ThirstyDrunk »

From what I've seen, with the exception of involving President's Day this is an average weekend at The Goose household.
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought

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mistah willies
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Re: Wellsonoabitch....

Post by mistah willies »

Dayam. Foie gras is not force feeding a goose grapefruits, but that might make the liver taste interesting with a nice Chianti.

I know what you mean. Sometimes, I start eating something when I can stand upright, and then keep going back to close the friggin fridge door, and eat more of whatever is in there. Of course, never refrigerate citrus nor tomatoes, yeah yeah..

But grapefruit before passing out? Heartburn reflux blah blah blah

Just let me know when you can drink coffee again. It'll be on its way, young man, for you and the missus

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Badfellow
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Re: Wellsonoabitch....

Post by Badfellow »

Yeah, Goose. I'd tell you to cut back on the grapefruit, but then I'd be a dickhead too.

Heal up and feel better soon, fellow Drunkard. And lay off the fucking grapefruit!
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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Badfellow
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Yup

Post by Badfellow »

I'm gunna have Dr. Phil come by in the morning and check your prostate for scurvy and pomelo syphilisizms.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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greygoose1
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Re: Wellsonoabitch....

Post by greygoose1 »

peetie44 wrote:
Wed Mar 01, 2017 9:52 am
DAMN, goose...you okay?
Nothing an a temporary esophageal stent won't fix (should come out in 4-6 weeks).
"...there's no app for a bourbon buzz on a warm day in a cool, dark bar. The world will always want a drink".
~Gillian Flynn

'Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right'
~Isaac Asimov

A person can work up a mean, mean thirst
after a hard day of doing nothing much at all...
~The Replacements

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greygoose1
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Re: Wellsonoabitch....

Post by greygoose1 »

ThirstyDrunk wrote:
Wed Mar 01, 2017 9:18 pm
From what I've seen, with the exception of involving President's Day this is an average weekend at The Goose household.
I'm currently constructing my own doghouse, as well. Mama Goose was supposed to go to the Dominican Republic with her g-friends but got stuck taking care of my sorry ass.
"...there's no app for a bourbon buzz on a warm day in a cool, dark bar. The world will always want a drink".
~Gillian Flynn

'Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right'
~Isaac Asimov

A person can work up a mean, mean thirst
after a hard day of doing nothing much at all...
~The Replacements

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Patchez
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Re: Wellsonoabitch....

Post by Patchez »

The one question everyone really wants to know, will the stent allow you to chug faster?

If the answer is yes, are you sure you want it removed?
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider

Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice

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JimLahey
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Re: Wellsonoabitch....

Post by JimLahey »

Suck it up princess! YEAAAAA!
Seriously though, hope you feel better and get to the drankin' soon enough.

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