Randomn known shit about DearBooze

[Badfellow]

He allegedly gropes himself on a regular basis.

Allegedly?

Allegations are better than facts these days.

[Badfellow]

In high school, he was voted most likely to star in a porn with Screech from Saved By The Bell.

[Badfellow]

He brings friends and clients to The Olive Garden, claiming to be the owner and that he can get them unlimited soup, salad and breadsticks.

[Artful Drunktective]

^ ^ ^ He does the same thing at the Red Lobster with unlimited Cheddar Bay Biscuits.

[Nausea]

In high school, he was voted most likely to star in a porn with Screech from Saved By The Bell.

Bahah! Gross.

[Badfellow]

He reminds me a lot of John Johnson in junior high... you know, the guy who super glued dog hair under his armpits to make everyone think he'd hit puberty.

[Badfellow]

He forces his lovely wife to starch his tighty whiteys before big meetings while singing Eye Of The Tiger.

[Badfellow]

His favorite flavor of Bartles & James is Strawberry Kiwi Shame.

[Badfellow]

He was cheated out of a script writing credit for the film The Room.

[Badfellow]

He "pops" the collar on his polo.

[Artful Drunktective]

He is obsessed with an imaginary friend named Foot Foot that could confusingly only be narrowed down to: an animal, plantars fasciitis, a sex crazed love affair gone wrong with a fellow congressman, congenital club feet in infants, or even the dementia of his own mind.

My pal's name is Foot Foot, I never find him home.
I go to his house, knock at his door, people come out and say "Foot Foot don't live here no more." My pal Foot Foot always likes to roam. My pal Foot Foot, now he has no home. Where will Foot Foot go? What will Foot Foot do?
Oh, Foot Foot, I wish I could find you. I've looked here, I've looked there, I've looked everywhere. Oh, Foot Foot, Why can't I find you? Foot Foot, where can you be? Foot Foot, why won't you answer me? Foot Foot, Oh Foot Foot. Wherever you are, I want you to come home with me. I don't have time to roam. I have things to do. I have to go home. Oh, Foot Foot, where are you? If Foot Foot didn't like to roam so well, he would still have a place to dwell. Foot Foot, please answer me. I know where you are. You're behind that tree. Foot Foot, please come to me. Foot Foot, now that you're here. Won't you come home? Foot Foot, promise me this: That you will never again roam.

Deductive reasoning synopsis is ...He's always looking for it, knocking on it's door and begging for it... yet Stinky Foot is always "lost" and wants nothing to do with him, would rather be missing, roaming elsewhere, dwelling elsewhere, or ditching quality time with DB at the local Buffalo Wyld Wings or of course his free hook-up of breadsticks and salad at the local Olive Garden. Or maybe Foot Foot is plain sick and tired of being tied up in the trunk of his vehicles? Maybe that's why it's hiding behind a tree.

Due to this ranting and well acknowledged chronic manifestations of possible imaginary friends, DB has since been checked in to the local Betty White Clinic ( "health spa" for local and unimportant, and dried up celebrities like hair metal band ex-stripper wives). He is currently undergoing thorough psychoanalysis assessments (and guidance from The Beloved Dr. Frasier Crane Panel of Drunkards (TBDFCPoD))
where eligibility testing ranges from cognitive, behavioral, academic, psychotic, Erb's Palsy, Cerebral Palsy, All palsies, Shock Treatment, MedindiaMedical SyndromesInfectious Disease Conditions, Fitz-hugh-curtis Syndrome, All mesh syndromes including trans-vaginal, Down's Syndrome, or syndrii's- plural, if you will- yeast infections, STD's of course ...mild retardation, scurvy, and whatever else needs to be addressed.

Unlike Dr. Crane, drunkards are not bound by HIPPA regulations so please! post your diagnoses and findings here or tune in to KACL FM and post it on the air just like Doc Badfellow!
http://moderndrunkardmagazine.com/bbs/v ... #p1167550]

[Badfellow]

He was allegedly a key advisor to the President Camacho campaign... smart mouth balls.

proofus:
https://youtu.be/sGUNPMPrxvA

[Artful Drunktective]

He also is suffering from tuberculosis.

[Artful Drunktective]

There is a diabolical and preliminary plan for him to be roofied in Las Vegas.

[Dear Booze]

There is a diabolical and preliminary plan for him to be roofied in Las Vegas.

What is diabolical about it? I'm paying extra for the "What Happens in Vegas Roofie Plan". I got a grear deal on Groupn. For $137.50, I get the two day roofie experience, complete with complementary ride in the trunk of a '74 Plymouth Duster, professional photos, and special bruises on neck, wrists, and ankles. If you wait until you get there, it will be $195.50 plus a $10.00 processing fee. So let me know if you want the Groupon code. It expires on January 15.