Randomn known shit about DearBooze

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Artful Drunktective
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Re: Randomn known shit about DearBooze

Post by Artful Drunktective »

Awwwww how adorable Mrs. Booze carrying that drunk ass on the beach. And they came back home wearing matching Sandals tee shirts.
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Re: Randomn known shit about DearBooze

Post by oettinger »

Drink!
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Re: Randomn known shit about DearBooze

Post by Artful Drunktective »

DB invented Punography

I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
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Re: Randomn known shit about DearBooze

Post by Badfellow »

Great, you basically stole all his joke material for the next 20 minutes.
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Re: Randomn known shit about DearBooze

Post by Artful Drunktective »

His wife- Mrs. Booze's name -is Mulva.
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Re: Randomn known shit about DearBooze

Post by Badfellow »

DELORES!!!








Dear Booze wasn't quite sure what a "mini-gun" is, possibly a reference to midget penises.
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Re: Randomn known shit about DearBooze

Post by Artful Drunktective »

His idea of a big Friday night out in the town is drinking Miami Vice's with mozzarella sticks at Applebee's during happy hour while trying to pick up the waitresses.
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Re: Randomn known shit about DearBooze

Post by Badfellow »

He is currently partnering with a certain Wupperdorfer entrepreneur to establish a restaurant chain in Germany called
Hööterz

And he sold all of his shares in The Olive Garden just before the sex scandal and porn racket broke news at The Olive Garden School in Italy. But he still has some relatively stink-free breadsticks left over if anyone is interested.
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Re: Randomn known shit about DearBooze

Post by Artful Drunktective »

Badfellow wrote:
Tue Feb 06, 2018 5:13 pm
He is currently partnering with a certain Wupperdorfer entrepreneur to establish a restaurant chain in Germany called
Hööterz
Wouldn't that be Hütersch?
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Re: Randomn known shit about DearBooze

Post by Badfellow »

List of Items Found in Dear Booze's Man Cave

*Nude velvet painting of Pamela Anderson.

*Second largest collection of stolen Salvation Army kettles in North America.

*A refrigerator fully stocked with Douchebrew IPA and Douchebrew Light.

*Mummified remains of a Mexican gardener.

*Craftmatic 5000 Stratolounger with built in toilet and automatic masturbation features.

*Crusty sock.

*56'' Jizzmotron spooge resistant flat screen TV.

*Smith & Wesson .44 magnum remote control for changing channels.

*Dumbwaiter for his wife to send down mixed drinks and sandwiches.

*Red phone with direct line to the mayor's office.

*Poker table rigged with hidden wireless cameras and tactile/magnetic card reading capability.

*3D dildo printer.

*Dust bunnies under the treadmill.

*Viagra-kiwi infused vodka.

*A laptop filled with compromising photos of friends, neighbors, coworkers and complete strangers.

*The Satanic Bible.

*A gimp suit.

*24 cases of Depends with posterior charcoal inserts.

*An official Ted Kaczynski hoodie.

*Remote control for his wife's shock collar.

*Complete collection of Go-Bots in the original packaging.

*Shirley Temple rape kit.

*Dog poop.

*All 6 seasons of the American sitcom Momma's Family on VHS and DVD.

*Pappy Felcher's X-tra Crispy Snack Chips.

*8 shelves full of Russian porn.

* Lot's and lots of knives... you see, he gets drunk late at night and watches the Knife Show on TV, and he orders a whole lotta of knives from the crazy rednecks who host that shit. He might be a psycho.
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Re: Randomn known shit about DearBooze

Post by Artful Drunktective »

^ ^ ^ That musta taken you like, 3 1/2 hours to text all that on your clamshell flip phone, Jessica Fletcher. But in turn, I laughed my ass off for about the same amount of time while I was bored at work.


New and Improved List of Items Found in Dear Booze's Man Cave


*Nude velvet painting of Old$mart$kunk.

*Second largest collection of German Hummel figurines in both North America AND Europe.

*A refrigerator fully stocked with Zima and Zima Gold. And Velveeta.

*Mummified remains of Mexican Nurse Lupe, Badfellow’s girlfriend and Lush City’s alleged "diaper changer".

*Craftmatic 5000 Stratolounger with built in hand cuffs on the head and foot boards.

*Crusty undies he borrowed from Oettinger.

*56'' Jizzmotron spooge resistant dildo with free complimentary Air Dancer blow up doll with tits.

*Smith & Wesson .44 magnum. For "target" practice.

*Dumbwaiter for his wife to send down Mint Jewlip drinks and walrus balls appetizers that she purchased from the take-out menu from The Hole.

*Red phone with direct line to Donald Trump’s office.

*Poker table rigged with hidden wireless cameras so he can see inside the bathroom when people go in there.

*3D strap on dildo.

*Dust bunnies under his balls.

*Rohypnol infused vodka.

*A laptop filled with compromising screenshot photos of Modern Drunkards he Skypes with.

*The Spencer Political Bible.

*A Furry uniform.

*24 cases of butt plugs for the posterior.

*An official Jack the Ripper hoodie.

*Remote control for his own shock collar.

*Complete collection of Good Luck Trolls (Dam Doll) in the original packaging.

*Koi Pond rape kit.

*Random people’s poop.

*All seasons of Falcon Crest on VHS and DVD.

*Snyder’s of Hanover mini pretzels – Honey Mustard flavor (the worst kind).

*8 shelves full of gay fetish porn.

*Lot's and lots of duct tape, handcuffs, rope, cinder blocks, and Turkish rugs... you see, he gets drunk late at night and watches the hookers on Sepulveda Boulevard, and he orders a whole lotta of supplies from the crazy rednecks who chain people to radiators. He might be a psycho.


Don't hate us DB. We do it out of love.

And because you asked for a thread dedicated to you. :D
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Re: Randomn known shit about DearBooze

Post by oettinger »

WOW I`m laughting so hard right now. You two made my weekend.

Also I can now finally update things BF should choke on. So many gems in there
Drink!
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Re: Randomn known shit about DearBooze

Post by Artful Drunktective »

He has monogrammed towels in his bathroom with the initials "DB" on them.
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Re: Randomn known shit about DearBooze

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He once ran out of cola and decided to drink his whiskey straight. The Jets made the playoffs that year.
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Re: Randomn known shit about DearBooze

Post by mistah willies »

Occasionally he loses it all inside the MGM. Then he uses his jitters to flick tickets out front for the local hole-dive. After the gig, he spends his pay on booze, nachos and tables. Eventually he wins it all back and returns home with a new mortgage and a right proper buzz.

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