Dr. Frasier Crane column - I'm listening!

[Artful Drunktective]

Good Morning, Afternoon, and Evening Friends, Drunkards, and Callers,

Please share your top trifecta+ of things (The Drink is implied) what other favorite things make your quality of life better? Or at least, makes it tolerable.

The Drink aside, what else makes you happy? Contribute here please!

Example:

#0 Drunkardism
1. Asian porn
2. Beavis and Butthead
3. Trans Ams
4. Reno, NV

[oettinger]

1. Smoking
2. Watching NBA
3. Drinking coffee
4. Lamborghini Countach

[Lmsduchess]

I'm new to this forum, but I love Dr. Frasier Crane; I'm listening,

Welcome Lmduchess! Please share what is on your mind. To quote the Great White Vanilla Ice...

"If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it".

Or...we all will try as a drunkard collaborative.

"Check out the hook while DJ Oldsmartskunk revolves it"

I'm a student in Blighty (home to the great drunkard that was Churchill) who's seriously stressed, any advice doc?

[oettinger]

Have a stress-free cocktail firstly, calm down and have another one

[Lmsduchess]

Have a stress-free cocktail firstly, calm down and have another one

Unfortunately I don't have the money for a cocktail, but I am currently sipping some very cheap wine and cider. its taking me to the land of the drunkard!

[oettinger]

Have a stress-free cocktail firstly, calm down and have another one

Unfortunately I don't have the money for a cocktail, but I am currently sipping some very cheap wine and cider. its taking me to the land of the drunkard!

I`m on bumwine for years now, saving up money for my vegas trip

[Artful Drunktective]

I'm new to this forum, but I love Dr. Frasier Crane; I'm listening,

I'm a student in Blighty (home to the great drunkard that was Churchill) who's seriously stressed, any advice doc?

Thank you for calling in LMDuchess. It is much appreciated!

In order to help you better, may I ask what particularly is stressing you out my friend?

First off, ignore the Oettinger and his response as we know that an obvious solution is to go to the drink for solace. That is always implied.

That aside, you mentioned you are a student. Is this school related?

I could advise you to mediate or do yoga and all these "therapeutic" activities that are supposed to make one feel stress free. It appears these things at times can be a tad blasé and often redundant. Sometimes we all just need a non-judgmental place to release our thoughts to lending ears and that is therapy in itself.

On that note, please feel free to let all out and you can count on us drunkards to help you have a better day! We are listening!

[Artful Drunktective]

Call in Drunkards! Listening!

[mistah willies]

Good Morning, Afternoon, and Evening Friends, Drunkards, and Callers,

Please share your top trifecta+

Hi Dr Crane, first time caller here.
I have only one fecta. It's a good fire. I mean a really good fire. The best ones are camping (at "camp" for the lucky bastidges) and it keeps going for days and nights.

Any chance I get, a good fire. Staring into it, or telling stories, laugh or commiserate when you hear another'n
But mostly, have them drinks handy and go piss in the woods.

Question is, why can't I just live this way 24/7 ?

[Dear Booze]

Hi Doc. Umm. Hello. Am I on the air?

Ummmm. Yea. Hi.

I guess this is more than a question. I mean NOT a question. But ummmm. I guess this is more like a whatdoyoucallit? Oh, a statement.

I really like Reno, hookers, and being shitty drunk. Oh, and oatmeal. Does that count? The oatmeal, I mean.

Umm. Hello. are you there?

Do I hang up now?

[Badfellow]

Hi Dr Crane, first time caller here.
I have only one fecta. It's a good fire. I mean a really good fire. The best ones are camping (at "camp" for the lucky bastidges) and it keeps going for days and nights.

Any chance I get, a good fire. Staring into it, or telling stories, laugh or commiserate when you hear another'n
But mostly, have them drinks handy and go piss in the woods.

Question is, why can't I just live this way 24/7 ?

If I may field this question... what we have here is a classic manifestation of caveman displacement, the fire being symbolic of a personal last bastion against the cramped, machine minded influences of the modern age. In other words: why watch fake media when you can have a real fire? If Alvin Toffler were here, he might argue that you're suffering from a raging case of full blown future shock. You'd better put some rum on that.

Back to your question, however. Why can you not live the life rustica 24/7?

Well, that's because you're going to invariably crave those creature comforts such as hot showers, electrical appliances and a nice, warm, secure place to sit and read the Washington Post while you're pinching your Sunday morning loaf. Nor doth the Kraken grow on trees, good caller. Alas, civilization is the remedy to its own malady.

But fuck it, right? Let's have ourselves a nice fire and whatever you're drinking.

[oettinger]

Well, that's because you're going to invariably crave those creature comforts such as hot showers, electrical appliances and a nice, warm, secure place to sit and read the Washington Post while you're pinching your Sunday morning loaf. Nor doth the Kraken grow on trees, good caller. Alas, civilization is the remedy to its own malady.

Now that`s a wild wild wiiiiiilld estimation on your part. I think as soon as kraken is high proof enough to start a fire, Willies will be gone

[Artful Drunktective]

Hi Doc. Umm. Hello. Am I on the air?

Ummmm. Yea. Hi.

I guess this is more than a question. I mean NOT a question. But ummmm. I guess this is more like a whatdoyoucallit? Oh, a statement.

I really like Reno, hookers, and being shitty drunk. Oh, and oatmeal. Does that count? The oatmeal, I mean.

Umm. Hello. are you there?

Do I hang up now?

No, oatmeal doesn't count. *click* (The Doc hung up on you).

No but really, thank you for your call Dear Sleaze. Reno and hookers truly are the rulers in top favorite things. I myself have never dabbled with hookers or strippers or any type of relations that treat objects like women.



WAIT A MINUTE?!! WHERE'D YOU GET THAT PHOTO?!?! TAKE THIS DOWN AT ONCE!

Anyway....

You know Dear Skeeze, it sounds like you have a bit of emptiness in your life and possibly you are compensating that void with skanky street walkers and shitty places like Reno to visit. (Next time you are there, I'll meet you at the Peppermill Reno and we'll throw back a few before hitting the streets).

May I recommend you change up your routine and perhaps go somewhere exotic like Bora Bora (one of my favorite places to attempt to get laid). You could use a change of scenery. Some inspiration...and variety. Hookers from a different country.

[Artful Drunktective]

Good Morning, Afternoon, and Evening Friends, Drunkards, and Callers,

Please share your top trifecta+

Hi Dr Crane, first time caller here.
I have only one fecta. It's a good fire. I mean a really good fire. The best ones are camping (at "camp" for the lucky bastidges) and it keeps going for days and nights.

Any chance I get, a good fire. Staring into it, or telling stories, laugh or commiserate when you hear another'n
But mostly, have them drinks handy and go piss in the woods.

Question is, why can't I just live this way 24/7 ?

Thank you for calling Mr. Kraken. Your maiden voyage call is appreciated!

Ahhh dear Sir. Who does not appreciate a good fire? That primeval feeling you have while gazing at it's glowing magnificence is ingrained in our bones much like our gorilla ancestors since the beginning of time. The smell of mesquite. The brontosaurus steak sizzling away. Mmmm.

To quote a fellow drunkard genius, (and thank you for fielding the call BF) "Why can you not live the life rustica 24/7? "

The fire reminds us of simpler times. It allows us to forget the real world for a moment. Appreciating the peace of nature...s'mores and what have you.

As far as your 'fecta goes...I doubt it is the comfort of hot showers and what not that prevents you from living wild and free. May I take a guess that it is the burden of living in modern society?

But alas, living in the trite modern world only gives us even more appreciation for those fireside times. And we don't have to hunt and gather in order to appreciate it. The "evolution" of "humanity" has led us to more "luxurious" living and along the way, we have lost that primordial appreciation for fires and nature and the result is: it is not incorporated in our work day. We must bring it back and make it a part of every day life. So keep that fire burning until we can bring it back full time. "We got to take the 'fire' back!" Rage Against the Machine style.

[oettinger]

Doctor where did you get that pic from, I can`t remember wearing swedish drag