Functional Retardic?

[calx]

...If you can't handle your booze and a job, then don't bring kids into the equation.

And that about sums it up.

^^ Agreed.

And even if you can handle your booze and a job, I wouldn't bring kids into it anyhow.

[Casual Binger]

So, what is the expert advice on being a functional, alcoholic parent?

You need to put their needs first. This means you can't do anything you want. Tonight, for example, I'm not drinking. It's my younger boy's fourth birthday tomorrow morning and I have to wrap the pass the parcel. Tomorrow afternoon, I'll buy a case of beer and a bottle of bourbon; but I won't start drinking until 5pm and I won't get drunk until the kids are bathed and in their pajamas.

It helps that my wife is nearly teetotal now. She was never a big drinker. When she became pregnant with our older boy she stopped altogether and never really started again. She doesn't like me drinking too much; so I try and keep it reasonably together. The only times I really cut loose is when I go away by myself. This is usually for a fews days solo travelling when we visit her parents in Japan; and the occasional conference. Then I'll be drinking whiskey straight from the bottle as soon as I wake up, if I want.

Speaking of which, we're off to Japan next weekend. I've got two nights to myself visiting Tottori and Okayama. Even still, I won't be going crazy. I'm going to try to not start drinking until noon; and no whiskey until 5pm. By and large. A drink or two with breakfast won't hurt anyone.

But, if you're behaving in a way that'll get your kids taken off you, it's probably best that they are. If you're in a position to employ a nanny, I guess it doesn't matter. Plenty of wealthy drunks out there - including judges, politicians etc.

[RIPT2.0]

An excellent example of a dysfunctional alcoholic parent.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/tru ... 04e899bcb1

[oettinger]

An excellent example of a dysfunctional alcoholic parent.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/tru ... 04e899bcb1

They even show a picture of her`s? Cannot do that in germany. Anyhow I`ve seen way worse "moms" roaming my streets

[mistah willies]

Ya know, even the phrase "functional alcoholic" is offensive to me, like "trainable mongoloid" or "syphilitic virgin" would be to those poor bastards.

I'm actually improved by lovely Miss Ethyl. There's a point at the top of the Bell's Curve where I can shoot several games of pool quite well, or write a few chapters, or have fun joking around for a few hours with fellow and lady Modern Drunkards who make the effort to Skype: those sorts of things are much more fluid.

Certainly I wouldn't attempt to pilot an aircraft (unless absolutely necessary) nor perform brain surgery (unless it was a song title for karaoke) simply because there is a time and place for each aspect of one's time.

You don't have to be good at everything all the time. It's propagandist illogic of them DRYs to insist that this be some short of standard.

Try to jump out of bed when the morning alarm goes off and hop right into your cockpit? No thank you.

Piss off or get pissed. Easy choice.

[oettinger]

The last thing functional about me is my disfunctionality

[Artful Drunktective]

Ya know, even the phrase "functional alcoholic" is offensive to me, like "trainable mongoloid" or "syphilitic virgin" would be to those poor bastards.

Yeah it seems rather oxymoronish. Is there such a thing as "functional retardation"?

[mistah willies]

Yeah it seems rather oxymoronish. Is there such a thing as "functional retardation"?

Oxymoronish. Hmm. Using "ish" instead of "ic" for the suffix. Hmmmm.

I see your move, and I'll play.

How about if we switch "ish" with"ic" from here on out, and vice versa?

Oxymoronish instead of oxymoronic; ironish instead of ironic?

Britic instead of British, Scottic instead of Scottish, Icelandish instead of Icelandic...

"Pardon me, but would you mind putting three garlish olives in me Martini this time instead of two? I'm feeling a bit peckic."

Hmmmm...

[Badfellow]

"...I'm feeling a bit peckic."

Peckistani?

[mistah willies]

"...I'm feeling a bit peckic."

Peckistani?

Hmm. Next move is mine, cool?

How about: Peckistanish?

Now, I mean no ham. Just being exploric.

Your move, The Badfellow.

[Badfellow]

"...I'm feeling a bit peckic."

Peckistani?

Hmm. Next move is mine, cool?

How about: Peckistanish?

Now, I mean no ham. Just being exploric.

Your move, The Badfellow.

Hmmmmmmm.

Let's see: I'm going with Peckistanitorian. Templeton Peckistanitorian. Not to be confused with The Peckistanator.

The next move yours, sir.

[mistah willies]

Hmmmmmmm.

Let's see: I'm going with Peckistanitorian. Templeton Peckistanitorian. Not to be confused with The Peckistanator.

The next move yours, sir.

Appears I'm in a bit of a pishkle here.

Hmm. Epish failure on my part, like I've wanted into Amic country...

[Artful Drunktective]

It's actually Functional Retardashian. Like "Kardashian".

And speaking of quasi functioning retardics...BTW I just want to let everyone to know that Khloe Kardashian had her baby. I know you were all counting down for this day. It's important news for this country. Really...it is.

[Badfellow]

Retardianetics?

[oettinger]

This thread is still going? Thought it was unfunction