Ok fuck (yeah my brother would be so disgusted with me)

[Savage]

But really, fie on doctors. I think they're just pissed off because I haven't died yet. Now they're telling me that the kidney cancer that supposedly popped up in the summer after the cervical and liver and the guts thing and the whatever else I can't even remember isn't quite the huge problem they said, but that I shouldn't drink so much water. The latest schmuck (sp?) told me all liquids count. Bwaaahaaahaaaaaaa! Open season on bourbon, eh?
So, now they tell me there is so much wrong with me that I need to sign up with an internist. Yeah, whatever. That sounds like a few steps backwards, to me.

First off, I don't even believe in illness. So these endless, boring appointments just annoy me. I think when I die (I am planning on emulating Olivia de Havilland--may she win her lawsuits, or Mel Brooks, who will make it to at least 105 or 106) when my time comes, I will order up a Viking funeral. I have a grandson who would be absolutely tops at arranging that. He is only twelve-almost thirteen years old, but I think he will be up to it, especially as he will be rather oldish when I croak. I'm torn between dying before my fireplace with a good book and a cat on my lap, or jumping out of a perfectly good airplane that isn't even on fire. Either way, I want a goblet of Golden Blonde* to ease my passage from this world to the next adventure.

*Bourbon and champagne. A savage lady version of the Brutal Hammer.

[Mr Boozificator]

"*Bourbon and champagne. A savage lady version of the Brutal Hammer."
Anyone else felt a force for good added to this World?
And an another tool destined to seduce naïve teen-aged beauties, of course. I am, after all, EVIL!

[oettinger]

Don`t go without makin some noise! But for now we need you to kick some cancer`s ass

[Badfellow]

Say, Lady Savage. I do like the no-nonsense, no-holds-barred Golden Blonde recipe. We could all do with a little bit of your feisty zestitude in life, like an aqua vitae of sorts but with booze in place of that pesky water you're supposed to be cutting back on.

Oettinger might also have a few tips on how to survive years without drinking any water. He hasn't had any non-alcohol related rehydration since 2009.