TOP 10 lists

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Artful Drunktective
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Re: TOP 10 dream / shit jobs part 2

Post by Artful Drunktective »

TOP 10 jobs I would never want to have...

Ass wiper in a hospital

Coroner

Airline pilot

President

Ice road trucker

Gyno / proctologist

Crime scene cleaner-upper

Anything on one of those crab fishing boats

Anything slaughterhouse related

Anything sewage related
"Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this.
I must have some booze".


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Re: TOP 10 lists

Post by Badfellow »

I would do ice road trucking, no problem. It's just that the liquor in Canadia and the Republic of Alaska is thoroughly cost prohibitive.

Slaughterhouses suck, I can tell you that from personal experience. Meat cutting/butchering is a bit better but no walk in the park either.

Roofing is brutal work, especially during the peak of summer. Same for the grunt work involved in block laying and concrete.

Changing the lightbulb on a broadcast tower nearly a mile above the earth? That get's a resolute "no fuckin' way" from this guy.

Soviet reactor maintenance technician. Sounds like a real blast.

Coal mining in West Virginia.

The guys, gals and third world children who climb inside the bilge tanks of shitty, old cargo vessels to give them a good scraping.

Anything to do with fixing, emptying or removing a septic tank. Especially those of bachelor farmers who subsist on diets of chewing tobacco, TV dinners and cheap, light beer.

Being an intern on the set of Dr. Phil and having to put up with his flapdoodle bullshit. I'd probably end up putting rat poison in his decaf soy latte, or maybe just apply it directly to his mustache.

A bartender at Applebees.
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Artful Drunktective
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Re: TOP 10 lists

Post by Artful Drunktective »

Badfellow wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:04 am

A bartender at Applebees.
HA! Please enlighten. How hard can it be to serve 21 year olds peach margaritas?

Yes mining has to be shittastic not to mention claustrophobic which I would hate.

I think I would have to add to the shit jobs list, the mechanics who have to repair the windmills and people that have to dig graves.

But now you must follow up as to the previous post, what would be your Top 10 best jobs? Aside from animal masturbater of course.
"Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this.
I must have some booze".


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Badfellow
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Re: TOP 10 lists

Post by Badfellow »

Artful Drunktective wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:19 am
Badfellow wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:04 am

A bartender at Applebees.
HA! Please enlighten. How hard can it be to serve 21 year olds peach margaritas?
But it's Applebees. That's like saying "yeah, baby, I'm the head chef at Denny's".



Artful Drunktective wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:19 am
But now you must follow up as to the previous post, what would be your Top 10 best jobs? Aside from animal masturbater of course.[/color]
Hey, I was only helping that goat help itself over the fence. But if you insist...

Brewer and/or distiller.

Wrecking ball operator.

Cannabis breeder/ professor at cannabis university.

Food and drink critic.

Cartel cappo.

CIA station chief.

Beer, wine and spirits broker.

Cleaner.

Arms dealer.

Editor of Modern Stoner Magazine.
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Re: TOP 10 lists

Post by oettinger »

Shit:

Social worker
Teacher
Cab driver
Waiter
IT person
Painter
Artist
Suicide bomber
Porn camera guy
Archeologist

Cool:

(Famous) Musician
Pron star
Car mechanic
Actor
Pro drinker
Zookeeper
Sportsstar
Shawod bank broker
A-Team leader
Pimp
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Re: TOP 10 lists

Post by mistah willies »

^ ^ ^

How does one hire a suicide bomber anyway?
Certainly they don't have a resume or references.

No auditions, either...

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Re: TOP 10 lists

Post by oettinger »

mistah willies wrote:
Fri Aug 23, 2019 9:40 pm
^ ^ ^

How does one hire a suicide bomber anyway?
Certainly they don't have a resume or references.

No auditions, either...
Yeah but they have family members that have recommendations blowing through the roof
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Re: TOP 10 lists

Post by scream ale »

Suck ass jobs:

Sorting soiled hospital linen
Chemical factory worker
Pawn shop employee
Fast food worker
Landscaping
Roofer
Bathroom attendant
Bank clerk
Shipping clerk (HA!)
Hooker

Less suck ass jobs:

Getting paid to drink beer and listen records all day
Liquor store employee
Assembly line worker at a brewery
Factory worker at a tape manufacturer (the recording kind)
Cooper
Working in a distillery
Really it was a stretch coming up with those six. I set my sights pretty high. The first three shitty ones come from experience. Shipping and receiving is what I've done the most of. Quite poorly I might add.
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Re: TOP 10 lists

Post by oettinger »

^^^ I was hard-pressed to come up with 10 cool ones myself

Hooker lol yeah, that must suck

Landscaping, really? I like jobs where I`m on my own
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Re: TOP 10 lists

Post by scream ale »

^^ Being left alone on the job is always a plus. Landscaping just conjures up images of perpetual sunburn. That I am not into.
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Re: TOP 10 lists

Post by Dear Booze »

Nausea wrote:
Tue Aug 27, 2019 5:47 pm
Artful Drunktective wrote:
Tue Aug 27, 2019 8:30 am

Being the one to own an air horn
I remember buying an air horn as a 16 y/o or something and the cashier asked us where we were going fishing. How naive.
Top Ten Places/Opportunities to Use an Air Horn:

During a wedding ceremony.
In a court room during a trial.
During a funeral.
During a church service.
During any "moment of silence" to honor a fallen hero or to remember victims of something terrible.
In a cop's face when he asks "do you know why I pulled you over?"
In a room full of sleeping babies.
A public library.
A movie theater
The inside of a cab, Uber or Lyft.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a drunk man tortilla chips, Velveeta and a hair dryer and he has nachos.

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Artful Drunktective
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Re: TOP 10 lists

Post by Artful Drunktective »

Dear Booze wrote:
Tue Aug 27, 2019 9:45 pm
Nausea wrote:
Tue Aug 27, 2019 5:47 pm
Artful Drunktective wrote:
Tue Aug 27, 2019 8:30 am

Being the one to own an air horn
I remember buying an air horn as a 16 y/o or something and the cashier asked us where we were going fishing. How naive.
Top Ten Places/Opportunities to Use an Air Horn:

During a wedding ceremony.
In a court room during a trial.
During a funeral.
During a church service.
During any "moment of silence" to honor a fallen hero or to remember victims of something terrible.
In a cop's face when he asks "do you know why I pulled you over?"
In a room full of sleeping babies.
A public library.
A movie theater
The inside of a cab, Uber or Lyft.
Ha that's good. To add...

A plane
A museum
A sleep clinic
At a chess tournament
A yoga studio
At a golf tournament
At a meditation temple
In an elevator
A public restroom
Near your doctors stethoscope
"Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this.
I must have some booze".


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Nausea
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Re: TOP 10 lists

Post by Nausea »

Fine lists, DB & AD. Had me cracking up.

How's about:

During surgery
In the middle of swigging some rotgut
At a group of Christmas carolers
At the Noble Prize ceremony
While removing a catheter
Behind a basejumper right before jumping
Behind a bomb technician
At an opera
While a junkie is shooting up
At someone in a sensory deprivation tank
Oh God, my grandmother would kill me.

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Re: TOP 10 lists

Post by Badfellow »

Air horn? Oh, most definitely also useful at:

Nursing homes
City council meetings
During tightrope walking performances
Pretty much anywhere at 3 AM
Schools for the blind
AA meetings
Julliard
During live TV interviews
Avalanche zones
The Holocaust Memorial
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Artful Drunktective
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Re: TOP 10 lists

Post by Artful Drunktective »

We could also interchange "bomb threat" with "air horn" for a similar effect perhaps? That could totally work.

You guys are all cracking me up! Who woulda thought there'd be so many possibilities?

"Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this.
I must have some booze".


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