Dance Monkeys! Entertain Me!

[Patchez]

I'm stuck at work dry as a bone. I can only live vicariously through you.

Help me Obi Drunk Kenobi. You're my only hope.

[oettinger]

Well if this is funny to you:

After weeks of problems with my internet/TV/landline connection and a gazillion hotline calls my provider finally send an actual technician over.

He detected that the clerk at my provider`s store sold me different kinds of bullcrap hardware that doesn`t work together at all.

A quick google search confirmed it.

Damn it that is 180 bucks plus 80 for an new one down the the drain.

I`ll be downtown next week and will visit that little fucker!

The choice of weapons is up to you Patchy

[Badfellow]

...I`ll be downtown next week and will visit that little fucker!

The choice of weapons is up to you Patchy

Chainsaw.

[Badfellow]

Wait, I thought there were going to be dancing booze monkeys in this thread. Fortunately I have a fresh cocktail in hand to assuage my disappointment.

[oettinger]

Flamethrower - Too crisp
Minigun - Only filet left
Shotgun - Scattered german brains
Chainsaw - Excellent

[Patchez]

The choice of weapons is up to you Patchy

There are two great options for a weapon.

First, a cocktail fork beheading because it will take a good God damned long time to do it. Got that one from Carlin.

Second is a rat, a metal bucket and a blow torch. Tie the DiQ (Douche in Question) to a table. Place the rat on his belly. Quickly cover the rat with the bucket. Heat bucket with torch. To escape the heat the rat will chew through the DiQ's guts.

[Badfellow]

And don't forget to do the chainsaw dance.

[waahoohah]

Sorry, dancing upsets the orbiter. I have to pass.

[Patchez]

Well hello there Space Monkey!

I imagine then the chainsaw dance would be even more disruptive to the orbiter.

[Lush City]

I'm stuck at work dry as a bone. I can only live vicariously through you.

Help me Obi Drunk Kenobi. You're my only hope.

You must be suicidal because this is the last resort. But you are fortunate because I have spent my whole life making people laugh Only because it makes me feel good. I recommend watching 'Spaceballs' with Mel Brooks and that should blow away any negative feelings.
Maybe you just need to get laid. Have you considered that?
Spaceballs Official Trailer #1 - Bill Pullman Movie (1987) HD
https://youtu.be/kGIM_yNzeUo

[Badfellow]

BREAKING NEWS: This monkey has gone to heaven. Pray for mojo.

[oettinger]

Okay, if Patch didn`t think this thread turned out to be the funniest ever I can`t help.

Super entertaining so far

[Patchez]

The intention was for it to be entertaining and to take my mind off 12 soul crushing hours of no drink. On a Saturday.

[Patchez]

Lancelot Link!

[oettinger]

Damn